Elynn m
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Lonely again
2 Replies

it will be 4 years in September that Joe is gone.   Our 45th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.   I'm not even posting it on Facebook, because I don't think anyone cares.I miss him so much. …Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Serenity Jan 12.

Lonely
14 Replies

Does anyone else feel abandoned by friends?  Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Elynn m May 28, 2019.

Lonely
6 Replies

I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed lately.  Old friends are busy with their lives.  Even my children are busy.   My daughter lives 45 minutes away.   She is busy with her new house. …Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Virginia G Oct 8, 2018.

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Latest Activity

Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Jan 12
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I've had a rough few weeks.   August 31st would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.   September 27 was year 4 of my husband's passing.   It's pretty lonely around here.  Its difficult to talk…"
Oct 9, 2019
John T. replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"5 years since my wife died suddenly of heart failure right in front of me.  The time since that day has been just awful and when I reached this anniversary, I just couldn't believe it.  All I think about is all the years ahead without…"
Sep 7, 2019
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Tomorrow  will be our 45th wedding anniversary.   Joe has been gone 4 years in September.   I miss him so much.       I'm not going to post  our anniversary on Facebook because I don't think…"
Aug 31, 2019
Elynn m posted a discussion

Lonely again

it will be 4 years in September that Joe is gone.   Our 45th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.   I'm not even posting it on Facebook, because I don't think anyone cares.I miss him so much.   Loneliness is terrible! !!!   I have one friend that I consider a "true friend.".   The others have become aquaintances......  Sad, but true!!!   I know all of us are trying to stay busy, and call that "moving on with my life", but I think it is just a way to hide the pain.   At the end of the day, when I…See More
Aug 31, 2019
M Adams and Elynn m are now friends
Jun 2, 2019
Elynn m replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Jazi, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.   There is hope.   Friends seem to forget us, but they really don't know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one.   My friends have said,   "I…"
May 28, 2019
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
May 24, 2019
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
May 24, 2019
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
May 24, 2019
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
May 24, 2019
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
May 24, 2019
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
May 24, 2019
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
May 24, 2019
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
May 15, 2019
Charles Alexander replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
" I have to agree that it seems pretty empty at times after a loss. The world moves on while we're stuck in the middle of of something we can't quite understand. They're still there I think but not as engaged as we'd like…"
May 13, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
Lost my husband of 41 years recently
About my Loss:
Was an unexpected loss
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At 1:08am on February 8, 2019, M Adams said…

Since my husband’s death I have often found myself wanting to tell people to express their love and appreciation for the people in their lives — and although I know that could be rather annoying, sometimes I do tell them, because like you I feel that I didn’t say and show it enough when I had the chance.  At the same time, I think that feeling like this doesn’t mean that we weren’t loving and appreciative, it’s more that when it comes to expressing your love and admiration, it is never enough.  Having these feelings of regret may even be a sign of how much you loved and valued the person you have lost ... and I think when you truly love someone, that person does know it and benefits from your lovr, however it is expressed.

At 4:39pm on December 2, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Elynn, I am big on praying too. I find that when I'm just about ready to give up and end it all, I start praying. I don't even know who I'm praying to, I just start talking. I do beg and plead. Oh boy do I!  I beg that Rocky will come see me in my dreams. It never happens, at least not the way I thought.

I don't know. I get so sad reading these posts where everyone has been years into this and yet they are still in so much pain. That is what I have to look forward to? I can't stand it.

But I keep plodding along. I go to a job I hate, but one that I need. I try to get involved in a hobby, but then drop it because it just feels stupid. I spend all my weekends alone except for my pets. No one calls, no one knows whether I'm alive or dead. So what do we do?

At 3:11pm on February 13, 2016, morgan said…

Elynn,  

I am so sorry that you are having to be here on this site because like all of us you too are searching for ways to manage the pain of what has just happened.  I lost my husband of 35 years three years ago and it is taking me along time to try and reconstruct any kind of life for myself.  I have after this long come to the conclusion that we never get over the death of our spouse.  If it was a deep connection no matter the time we spent the loss is unbearable.  All we can do is try to take tiny steps towards doing basic tasks like hygiene, eating and getting our financial affairs in some sort of order (which is a herculean task in and of itself) and let the rest of the world work itself out because we don't have the energy anymore to do much else.  

I ended up having to sell our home and relocate which was difficult although we had lived several places during our marriage  it wasn't like I was giving up a special location it was just that it meant I was packing up and moving to be alone.  It was hell.  But I could not have afforded to stay where I was.  Now I find it has nothing to do with location because all that love was inside me not outside me.  So downsizing and coming to a new place was not the pain so much as it was the emptiness of him.  

Now having had some time pass I still have really hard days.  I truly know they will never stop. But I have days thankfully where the pain of the first couple years has subsided.  It's unimaginable that a human being can live through years of the kind of pain I have been experiencing.  And I cant say I am out of the woods either.  The fog can easily descend on me and I have no control just like I had no control for the first two years.  

I don't want to make this any worse than it is I am just trying to provide a little tiny bit of perspective on what is a horrible nightmare.  That your brain will slowly, ever so slowly, find a few places where it will turn off the pain and allow you some relief.  I don't count it as recovery I just count it as the release from the ongoing pain.  Anything I can get now that allows me to function without feeling as though I am about to explode is welcome.  

41 years is a very long time to get used to another person.  No matter what the more difficult parts were (and we all had them) the loss of that individual flesh and body who held us close to them in so many ways is not soothing the brain or giving us reason to live.  Until we are given our ticket out we, each of us, bear this tremendous burden and still breathe. 

This site (and there are others, although I find this one the best for communicating between individuals) will be a lifeline that I have used to keep myself from digging too deep into the hole.  It somehow helps to know that your own misery is also someone else's.  

I hope you will find a bit of the light that you will need by walking with us and sharing your grief because we do all understand.

sending stardust.

morgan

 
 
 

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Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
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If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Hello, a little bit about me.

Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
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The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I knew…See More
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