Courtney Boyke
  • Female
  • Cheyenne, WY
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Courtney Boyke posted a status
"I feel lost a lot of the time kinda more depressed than anything"
Aug 22, 2017
Courtney Boyke commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Hello, Sorry for your loss. In June my grandmother who was more like my mom than anything also a bestfriend. My family has been staying in her home because the home we were in was just falling apart and my kids were constantly sick from it. Anyways…"
Aug 12, 2017
Courtney Boyke joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Aug 12, 2017
Courtney Boyke updated their profile
Aug 12, 2017
Courtney Boyke is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Aug 10, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful girls, 2 are mine by blood the 3rd is my step daughter. I have 2 dogs and I love to workout and be outside. Love being with my family.
About my Loss:
My grandmother(was more like my mom) was the healthiest 70 year old I have known, Didn't take medication on a regular biases she took vitamins for almost everything and ate very well. She traveled, Hunted and gardened. She didn't act her age she acted like she was in her 20's and looked like she was in her 40's. About a year maybe year and 1/2 ago we found out she had a heart arrhythmia and she had surgery for an ablation, everything went well and was going great afterword. After taking a British ails trip she came home very tired (kind of expected) she still went about doing everything normal but with a slag. couple weeks after her trip she went to take a bath after being out in the garden all day. I thought it had been to long for normal bath went to check on her and had found her unconscious face in the water. trained as a CNA I had pulled her out and started CPR until the EMT's showed. I know I was trained for this but the entire time I kept telling the dispatcher to just keep coaching me to keep me focused and it helped. My husband had helped me call 911 and my kids were in the other room watching a movie and had herd everything they hadn't seen but I was so worried they had. I have had nothing but flashbacks, Nightmares and a lot of nights its harder to even lay down for bed. Eating is a new chore on my list for doing everyday.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
I am a CNA.

Not Sure whats going on

I'm not really sure if this is in my head or if they are truly acting this way. I live in my grandmothers house (That's another story). When my aunt and uncle came over the last couple times to go throw my grandmothers things to separate they both seamed to act like i was the problem and i didn't want to look at me or even really speak to me. when they did speak to be it was more like i had done something to make them upset. they have also treated me as if i am just clamming everything of hers to be mine and they must remove anything without asking anyone anymore because i might sell it or i don't know. I am not one to sell things or do anything out of line so i am not sure as to what is going on. i know this is there mothers home and stuff i have no intention on just taking, i have been very calm and reasonable when it comes to separating her things between everyone. I wouldn't do anything like that and my grandmother knew that as well. but again i cant tell if I'm just overreacting and making things up in my head or if they really have a grudge against me with everything that has happened. To be honest it feels like they think i had something to do with her passing away.

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Latest Activity

Virginia G commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Morgan, i know you said you don’t like meds, but maybe one of the natural supplements for anxiety could lessen the meltdowns?  Just a suggestion.  I’m the opposite, don’t know why I’m not having constant breakdowns,…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G left a comment for morgan
"Morgan, thanks for the comment on my blog.  I read a few of your posts and I have the same desire to get out of here as soon as possible.  I’m only 47 and there’s no way I can wait until I’m old.  I’m afraid if…"
3 hours ago
Brett Bowman and Virginia G are now friends
4 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Virginia, while I don't know you, I don know this... your mom knew that you loved/love her. And there is a cold reality in all of this. No matter how hard I tried, my mom still died. There was no stopping it. It was like trying to hold back a…"
4 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Oatmeal, As I read your blog, I cried and cried.  It’s all too familiar and all too heartbreaking.  My Mom and I did everything together.  I always lived with both parents, but my Dad was always the quiet type that liked to do…"
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, there is no timeline. I understand all that you are saying. After moving out of my mom's house, I had to go back. My realtor called me back there frequently. I had little choice. It was hard. I did cry, but it was not the difference…"
6 hours ago
morgan commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Virginia, We ask ourselves alot of questions when we suffer such a great loss as a loved one.  All of your questions I have asked myself over and over as I have tried to live beyond the loss of my husband.  I've not answered them…"
8 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is so hard. My sister whose husband passed away April 9th 2018 does not want to see me right now because I remind her of Mom's passing a year ago Feb 14th. She does not do it to be mean or hurtful. She is just too full of grief for her…"
11 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry for the typos"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal. You have to do those things in memory of your mom should would want  you to do it I truly believe that I’m not saying that I don’t cry every day because I do I get in bed at night I cry when I’m sitting home alone I…"
12 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"In 3 months, it will be a year since my mom passed away. It feels like it was yesterday. I know I asked this before but when does it get easier to do activities that you and your mother did together? I cant bring myself to do anything that reminds…"
12 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Hello Virginia, I’m so sorry you are going through this hell. PTSD has been part of my grieving process too. I think that when we lose someone who is absolutely essential to us, our brains don’t have the ability to adjust to the changed…"
16 hours ago
Virginia G posted a blog post

Post traumatic stress disorder

I am experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.  Some days I cry a lot, others not much.  I get upset when I don’t cry.  I feel as if I should be crying all day every day because the thing I feared the most my whole life happened.  How have I not had ten heart attacks by now?  Some days I have bad flashbacks of the hospital.  Other days I feel like I can’t process what happened.  Is my mind blocking what happened to protect me from the pain?  Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.  Am I…See More
23 hours ago
Marlene Kublin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Ginger posted a blog post

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on…

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on occasion. When friends talk about their adult daughters it brings to light the realization that I once had that and I don't anymore and the tears come. I guess when I'm not reminded,I want to still think she is here,only a phone call away. Already many things have changed, we used to talk on the…See More
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The group I belong to is "Still Mourn Husband after 5 Years" they also have other groups or you can start your own. Linda"
yesterday
lorraine knight posted a discussion

Grief that hits you at odd moments

While grocery shopping I noted a man sitting waiting for his wife as I surmised, my husband used to do wait patiently for me. It hit me hard that I no longer had anyone waiting for me.  So alone after 36 years.......See More
yesterday
AnneJ. commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Ah, Morgan. And Bluebird and Linda and Mel and Alice and all you others who let me walk with you from cave to cave during these dreadful years of an examined life. I'm so tired I can't even write lately; our old friends, where are they...…"
Wednesday
kathy replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"The discussion groups, are they on this web site?"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The best online support group I found is "Grief Healing Discussion Groups", my Husband has been gone 5 years and everyday is still hell, this site you on now did not help.  Linda  "
Tuesday

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