Rebecca - I don’t know if I was imagining it or if I just can’t find it, but I thought I sent you a reply. I’ve been offline for a bit as I was helping a friend get to appointments out of town. I wanted to make sure I had enough time to sit down and send a proper message.
Regardless, I’m grateful you had quality time with your beloved Grams and Dad. It is indeed heartbreaking when we see our loved ones deteriorate from bad health to their loss.
I just wanted to let you know I didn’t forget about you, I’m just behind on correspondence.
Awww - I know you will cherish that special time you had during the years he was healthier. Isn’t it odd that the things we hated don’t seem so bad when we realize it connected us to the ones we love?
I practically begged my mom to move in with us sooner. She had bypass surgery years ago and had stents in about 2012. I wanted to help manage her diabetes and heart issues better, but she wanted to live by herself as long as possible. Once she even began to prepare to move closer and backed out. It was very upsetting for me.
My two sisters and I talked about it often, like how to try to push the subject of her moving in with one of us. My oldest sister already had her own health issues and my youngest sister has 3 children. It just made sense for mom to move in with us as our house is already handicap accessible for my husband.
Finally our chance to get her out of her apartment came when she ended up in the hospital in 2014. The three of us girls decided to clean her apartment really good before she came home. We soon found out the whole apartment building had been fighting bedbugs. That was our ticket to get her to my house. You can’t imagine how happy I was to finally have her. As a middle child I always felt that my mom was too busy for me. I can’t blame her because she was very busy - but as an adult I had thought I finally have the chance to spend time with her. I planned how we would cook together and do our grocery shopping, plant flowers, sit on the porch and so on. The dementia came in about March and took her so fast. I never knew that it could be fatal.
I wish my mom liked to read as much as your Grams. She lost interest in everything.
Awww - those are indeed nice memories! I agree, it’s not the same when we have just the memories but it kind of soothes me when I think about them, even if it brings some laughter or something sad back to mind.
My mom took our daughters room for the first couple of months. It was like “ a girls clubhouse” . We watched tv and just talked about things. I thought I finally have my mom to myself. But then she began to display more health issues. She began to forget how to feed herself and how to do the simplest things. Like you, I miss watching our tv shows together.
Yeah, I don’t get how people can just stop talking about someone that has been a part of their lives.
Lol - my grandmother did the same. Her name was Alma Ruth but she liked Ruth better. I love that name, it’s old fashioned.
I honestly feel your sadness over missing your dad but on account of my mom. I miss watching old movies with her or just talking. It’s weird because my siblings hardly ever talk about our parents even though I’m sure they miss our mom. Our dad passed away when we were young and so we didn’t have a lot of memories of him. But it’s like now that she’s gone, we don’t speak about it. Maybe it’s because we have a Bible based hope of seeing her and our other loved ones again on a Paradise Earth that we don’t bring it up. It’s like our broken hearts are content until that time arrives.
Do you have a favorite memory of your dad or grandmother?
Rebecca - the trip is next summer, so I have a whole year to save for it.
Your grandmother’s name was Frances too? At first I didn’t really like my name, but I do now. I was named after my grandfather, Francis LaSavoie Hoffman.
As I mentioned before, if you ever decide that you can stand to have a grieving buddy, I’m generally available. Just someone to reminisce over good and not so good memories, express our concerns or just to share our experiences. It’s not a bother.
Dear Rebecca- I am so very sorry to learn of the passing of both your Father and Grandmother. I hope you will have a chance to grief as it can cause serious health issues to hold those feelings in such as high blood pressure, ulcers, headaches to name just a few.
I have some free reading material which might help you learn to cope with your situation. There is no obligation or pressure, but just take a look when you feel like it might benefit you.
Please feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk with. I see also that you live in Hamilton, Canada. Ironically, I’m planning a trip that includes visiting that area and Georgetown. I remember it being a beautiful location.
Again, my sincere apologies -
No comments yet!
Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"I just feel like I am in a fog. I have a little dog that is at least ten years old. She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her. I know how you feel about your dog. I worry about her. She is all I have. …"
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to.
As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
"Brett so true she was my security blanket
I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her
You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away.
Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone.
I feel like the hard reality…"
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came. But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry
I can’t put into…"
"Definitely a colder world now. I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom. It is so hard knowing she is gone. Knowing this is permanent. There is no one that can fill the void she left. My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
"My Mom also. I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust. I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone. I loved spending time with…"
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again. I lost part of me when she passed. Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety. Daily crying is part of my life. …"
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"