i just needed to say how sorry i am for lose and thank you for the kind words it did/does help me feel some what little better knowing im not completely alone wrrrit/message me eny time ok take care
Its been nearly 3 months since my friend died. I have written some poetry about her and it has helped.
I think that the thing that pissed me off was that her sister shut down my friends facebook account. We, the friends of the deceased had used the page as a tribute, posting pics, telling stories... crying and laughing over our friend's avante guard life and her " to hell with the conventional rules" style.
Now, thats all gone too! To the best of my knowledge there wasnt an memorial service. and they quickly had an estate sale of all her things,
I had asked for something small, to remember her, and there was no response from the family.
I do appreciate that maybe their way of handling this is to get it behind them fast and to try to forget it, I just feel angry that they offered me no closure. I will deal with that in time too,
I'm glad to have this site since the people here are willing to provide the space and support to process and face the grief. Other people around me just want me to " get on with things...
Little do they seem to realize that grieving IS getting on with job 1 !
As usual, thanks for the message, David. I find them very useful. I am absolutely determined to get out and enjoy this long weekend. I am going to try to spend as much of it as possible outside. I am going to do those things that I would have done with my husband. It seems so obvious but I really had to come to the understanding that I can still do all the same things - just not with him. I am not willing to give up activities that we always enjoyed together. It's an adjustment but one well worth working to make. You have a good weekend, too. All the best, L.
Well, David, I made it through the weekend and my husband's birthday and got back to work today, which is always good. I'm thinking that the weekends are definitely going to be the hardest for me so I figure I need to make more weekend plans to compensate for that. I'm learning how to arrange things to make it easier for myself. There's a LOT of learning to be done right now, that's for sure. I've appreciated your notes and comments and always wish you all the best. Hope you had a good weekend. L.
Thanks David. It's so hard to function right now. I feel so alone and lost. He was my best friend and we did everything together. We didn't have kids and we moved to a new area 2 1/2 years ago for his job, so we don't have family nearby. People are trying to help, but they haven't lost a spouse and it's hard for them to understand what I'm going through. Sometimes I just want to give up it's so hard.
Hi David. Yes, it's been very helpful for me to come on here from time to time. Most of you have been going down this road much longer than I have and I see that I have much to learn from other people's experiences and thoughts about the process. Also, it's just nice to spend some time with people who are going through much of the same things that I am...there's definitely something to be said for shared sadness and grief. This Sunday will be my husband's 62nd birthday and then our 42nd anniversary is coming up in June, so I have the feeling that these days will be a bit more difficult. What have your experiences been with such days, if I might ask? I'm trying to think of some way to commemorate them and perhaps not feel as sad as I imagine I might. Maybe I'm asking the impossible - not sure. Anyway, take care and thanks again for the kind words. L.
My thoughts, huh? Well, I'm glad that every waking minute isn't as miserable as those first several weeks were! Finished work, went out for coffee with my daughter, came home and did some watering in the beautiful Spring gardens. Just very grateful for these "lighter" days and for the ability to notice nice things around me now - it's been a while. How about you? What's on your mind today?
Thanks again, David. It's nice to pop on here and find some nice words from someone who knows of what they speak - it makes a difference because I know that you've been where I am so it's not at all theoretical to you. You sound like you're definitely doing much better and that your life is moving forward again and that's good to hear...and definitely hopeful. I'm doing quite a bit better, too. I still have my moments, of course, but I feel more like myself again every day and that's a very good thing. I don't want to get stuck in sadness. As I've said before, we had a long and wonderful life together and I hope to have a wonderful life on my own, as well. Take care and have a good weekend. L.
Hi David and thanks for the nice message. I'm so sorry for you loss, of course. I've only come on here a couple of times but it's always nice to find kind words from someone. It makes a difference to connect with others who have been where I am. I feel like they might have some advice and some direction for me, as I so often feel that I'm just muddling through. This is SUCH uncharted territory for me (for everyone, I guess) and those that have gone before me often have some helpful insights. So, again, thanks. Wishing you all the best. Lynne
Hi David, Thank-you for your comment. It is 6 months tonight. It is getting a little easier.
I saw your post about NASCAR races. Ken loved watching them and got me into it. I watch when I can (I don't have cable, so when they are on FOX or ABC). I miss sitting next to him on his couch.
My brother died 2 months ago tomorrow, and today I got his official death certificate in the mail. It was like someone had kicked me.
I think this passage in your/our lives is something that will take a lot of time. My birthday is this weekend, but I don't know how I will feel about it. Grieving is such a complicated, mysterious process.
David, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are going through. It's too early to get better. This is part of a new way of life for you. Just allow yourself the time to feel sad. It's normal. One day you will feel it less, but I don't know if it ever goes away completely. We just seem to adjust our lives to live with it. Don't be afraid to express yourself. I think most of us understand what you're feeling. Be blessed, Ann
Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
David A's Comments
Comment Wall (15 comments)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community
i just needed to say how sorry i am for lose and thank you for the kind words it did/does help me feel some what little better knowing im not completely alone wrrrit/message me eny time ok take care
David,
thanks for the link..i found it useful.
Its been nearly 3 months since my friend died. I have written some poetry about her and it has helped.
I think that the thing that pissed me off was that her sister shut down my friends facebook account. We, the friends of the deceased had used the page as a tribute, posting pics, telling stories... crying and laughing over our friend's avante guard life and her " to hell with the conventional rules" style.
Now, thats all gone too! To the best of my knowledge there wasnt an memorial service. and they quickly had an estate sale of all her things,
I had asked for something small, to remember her, and there was no response from the family.
I do appreciate that maybe their way of handling this is to get it behind them fast and to try to forget it, I just feel angry that they offered me no closure. I will deal with that in time too,
I'm glad to have this site since the people here are willing to provide the space and support to process and face the grief. Other people around me just want me to " get on with things...
Little do they seem to realize that grieving IS getting on with job 1 !
Be well everyone, be gentle with yourself.
As usual, thanks for the message, David. I find them very useful. I am absolutely determined to get out and enjoy this long weekend. I am going to try to spend as much of it as possible outside. I am going to do those things that I would have done with my husband. It seems so obvious but I really had to come to the understanding that I can still do all the same things - just not with him. I am not willing to give up activities that we always enjoyed together. It's an adjustment but one well worth working to make. You have a good weekend, too. All the best, L.
Well, David, I made it through the weekend and my husband's birthday and got back to work today, which is always good. I'm thinking that the weekends are definitely going to be the hardest for me so I figure I need to make more weekend plans to compensate for that. I'm learning how to arrange things to make it easier for myself. There's a LOT of learning to be done right now, that's for sure. I've appreciated your notes and comments and always wish you all the best. Hope you had a good weekend. L.
Thanks David. It's so hard to function right now. I feel so alone and lost. He was my best friend and we did everything together. We didn't have kids and we moved to a new area 2 1/2 years ago for his job, so we don't have family nearby. People are trying to help, but they haven't lost a spouse and it's hard for them to understand what I'm going through. Sometimes I just want to give up it's so hard.
Hi David. Yes, it's been very helpful for me to come on here from time to time. Most of you have been going down this road much longer than I have and I see that I have much to learn from other people's experiences and thoughts about the process. Also, it's just nice to spend some time with people who are going through much of the same things that I am...there's definitely something to be said for shared sadness and grief. This Sunday will be my husband's 62nd birthday and then our 42nd anniversary is coming up in June, so I have the feeling that these days will be a bit more difficult. What have your experiences been with such days, if I might ask? I'm trying to think of some way to commemorate them and perhaps not feel as sad as I imagine I might. Maybe I'm asking the impossible - not sure. Anyway, take care and thanks again for the kind words. L.
My thoughts, huh? Well, I'm glad that every waking minute isn't as miserable as those first several weeks were! Finished work, went out for coffee with my daughter, came home and did some watering in the beautiful Spring gardens. Just very grateful for these "lighter" days and for the ability to notice nice things around me now - it's been a while. How about you? What's on your mind today?
Thanks again, David. It's nice to pop on here and find some nice words from someone who knows of what they speak - it makes a difference because I know that you've been where I am so it's not at all theoretical to you. You sound like you're definitely doing much better and that your life is moving forward again and that's good to hear...and definitely hopeful. I'm doing quite a bit better, too. I still have my moments, of course, but I feel more like myself again every day and that's a very good thing. I don't want to get stuck in sadness. As I've said before, we had a long and wonderful life together and I hope to have a wonderful life on my own, as well. Take care and have a good weekend. L.
Hi David and thanks for the nice message. I'm so sorry for you loss, of course. I've only come on here a couple of times but it's always nice to find kind words from someone. It makes a difference to connect with others who have been where I am. I feel like they might have some advice and some direction for me, as I so often feel that I'm just muddling through. This is SUCH uncharted territory for me (for everyone, I guess) and those that have gone before me often have some helpful insights. So, again, thanks. Wishing you all the best. Lynne
Hi David, Thank-you for your comment. It is 6 months tonight. It is getting a little easier.
I saw your post about NASCAR races. Ken loved watching them and got me into it. I watch when I can (I don't have cable, so when they are on FOX or ABC). I miss sitting next to him on his couch.
Take care, Sandy
i lost ny husband to cancer on may 13 2011 im so depressed
sense he left me
Hi David,
My brother died 2 months ago tomorrow, and today I got his official death certificate in the mail. It was like someone had kicked me.
I think this passage in your/our lives is something that will take a lot of time. My birthday is this weekend, but I don't know how I will feel about it. Grieving is such a complicated, mysterious process.
Good luck to all of us.
Welcome to
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sign Up
or Sign In
Or sign in with:
Groups
I miss my Mom!
751 members
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
Sibling Loss
9 members
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
Too Young To Die
17 members
Losing a Sister
93 members
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
Grief Counseling
140 members
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
Orphaned Adults
80 members
Sole Survivors
15 members
Losing a sibling
62 members
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
43 members
Compounded grief with ex…
49 members
Lost both parents
12 members
Latest Activity
My husband
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITED loss and grief
Assumptions