I've been in this "exclusive club of lost loved ones" for three years, and I've gotta tell you, I don't always feel that I am where I think I should be, emotionally with my losses.
Unfortunately, within two years, six people passed away that I was extremely close with. My father was the first, my husband passed second, my nephew was murdered next; my aunt passed, my ex fiancée went a year and thirteen days after my husband, and in February of 2021, a dear friend (who was more like a sister) was viciously attacked and killed by aggressive dogs.
When I heard about my dad, I felt like I was losing my mind, and my husband had me placed in a mental care facility for three days because I'd threatened to cut myself if he left.
When my husband passed, immediately I went into shock, but could not cry. I heard what little bit I could understand from his childhood friend, through her tears, and I went inside to talk to my roommate, Billie. I told her that Jeremy was dead, and that this was the only time I couldn't cry or pray hard enough to bring my husband home.
Two weeks later, I had a grown man wrap his hands around my neck, and I was blacking out from his squeezing the life out of me. On three more occasions, different men tried to kill me, and this was within the first year. Thing is, I wanted to die that first year, but not by my own hands. I think, subconsciously, I provoked those men in order to have them end my life so that I could be with my husband.
However, it's three years later, and I'm still here without Jeremy. I believe that no matter how low you feel you've gone, your Higher Power or Guardian Angel will never allow harm to befall you, no matter what you do. That first year, is "an emotional wrecking-ball" that is going to "fly at you from all directions", the only thing you can do is "hold on for dear life" and "ride out the emotional storm", I promise, you'll get through it. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I've been told, I'm a great listener.
totally can relate, lost my wife of 24 years over 2 years ago and I think the key is learning how to "adapt". That's what Ive decided to work on. Adapt to this new environment. What has helped greatly for me is a few things. First I spent a lot of at first doing nothing, then I realized that wasn't going to help much more so I started getting out and trying to find things I enjoy doing. Biking, hiking, rafting, sky diving, whatever you THINK might get exciting, go try it out. The further out it is the better. In other words don't let fear or others hold you back any more. If nothing else we should of all learned the value of that lesson through this. And it wont seem all that great at first, because you might wish she was there with you, but all the wishing isn't going to change a damn thing, so go do it anyways, and the do it again or try something else. Start living life as hard at seems at first, and it will be hard. The other thing I found helps is meeting with a few people who've also lost someone. I started going to a bereavement group at our local hospice, twice a month. I don't go as often any more, but that first year, I dont know how I would of made it without. It helps to know personally and talk with others who have as much sadness as you do, maybe even more. There is help in that. After the first year things were still pretty tough, I did start individual counseling weekly, went for bout 9 months. It helps to have someone i could talk about things like I use to talk with my wife about, things like work, the kids, etc. Now looking back I see why it helped. I still needed someone to talk with intimately, and for 23 years it was my wife, with her gone a counselor worked as a temporary substitute. again helping me to adapt to living with out her. Its all about adapting. I lived with out her before I met her, it must be possible I can live with out her now. It hurts, its lonely, its painful, I understand all that. But there are no options. This is an individual journey we each must travel because we chose to share love in the first place. Its the price of entry I guess. With that said, hang in there, try, and when you fall pick up and try again. its never a failure, its a process. and personally I would only talk with others who are facing similar circumstances, that's where the bereavement group came in real handy. People who tell you to move one blah blah blah simply most haven't experienced the loss you are going to learn to live with now. But the bright is if there is any and there is, once you have learned to live with this you will be a source strength to others you will meet one day who must draw on your strength in their hour of need. Best of luck and God be with you.. I wouldn't wish this shit on my worst enemy.
Ps I wouldn't recommend and I haven't tried but Ive seen others who it has failed miserably for indulging in either drugs/drink &/or dating. This is a time and place for you to grow strong leaps and bounds above what most others only read or hear about - learn from it and allow yourself the chance to grow from it. I know this sounds almost terrible, but believe me Ive more than once been near contemplating death for myself I was sooooo miserable and alone, sad, devastated. And now, there is a sliver, just a tad mind but a little light shining through that say to me this too shall pass and it will alright. If you believe in a higher power, this too will help in fact I cant really say all the rest will help without belief in a higher power because I do believe in god as revealed through Jesus Christ, and my relationship with him today is number 1 in my life, so Im sure that saved me a lot, but the other stuff i still do. Life goes on, whether we're hiding under the covers or
No i don't think that would be inappropriate. But i think maybe sending some flowers with a note would be better, or maybe taking flowers and just let them know that you miss her too. And that you would love to stay in touch.
I'm sorry for your loss, i know it's hard. I lost my mom 2years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I am still struggling with the pain. But there are lot of people here who you can talk to, and it helps a bit.
My husband has been gone since 1/1/11 and I still miss him so. It will take time to get through all of this. I went to Griefshare 3 times and it helped me to make it. I can only get through one day at a time. I still can't look at pictures without crying.
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"I hold back from seeking death, as well...I still need to set an example for some people in my life. I also feel that maybe taking your own life might somehow then inhibit being able to connect with him, like maybe be in a different…"
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