You entered a new dimension, an alternate universe on 3/17/18. Its a universe those of us here who have lost a spouse know all too well. The best advice I can give without going into long involved explanations of how to live is to take baby steps. And know that anything you do is a victory. Brushing your teeth.....victory. Eating anything.......victory.
I always think about my own desire to commit suicide since my husbands death and wonder if whether my want to exit parallels what those who do die from their own hand is similar. Is the pain they suffered as searing as the pain I have tried to cope with during my own grief? Does the pain you are suffering from his death and the fact that you are a mess, is it somewhat the same as what drove them to exit? And if so, we should understand why they did it?
I am not stating this as fact only something I have thought about when I have my own thoughts about how much relief I would feel from my grief if it at all resembled the kind of burden they carried. I'm not sure I am making the sense I want to but just so you know you will be comforted here because we are all trying to reach out for answers as to how to cope with the bomb that went off in our heads.
When love departs and we are left standing alone in the world it becomes the hardest time in life. Recovery is elusive and all you can do is keep reaching out. You probably wont find alot of answers but you will find periodically a place to rest your soul. We are here together for support. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Try a minute at a time.......baby steps.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue. Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves. In reality, most of my underlying…"
I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words. Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
"Hello M Adams
Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda. My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back. I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired. So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though. I look here daily to read.…"
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack. It happened on the weekend. I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine. I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone. I just…"
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
"Thanks so much! It helps having others that understand. Some of my family is supportive & that helps. It helps just having someone listen that truly understands. I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you.
Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
"Thank you, some days are better than others. I feel so for you. My Mom was the center of my world also. I lived with her & took care of her. I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"