It has been 4 years since my mom died.  I still think about it every day, and can't seem to look past it.  I know I need to go grocery shopping.  I know I need to entertain my 4 year old but before I do anything today I want to share what has helped me tremendously in making my mom's death easier to live with.

The first thing that helps is remembering her and being stubborn about NOT letting her go.  I don't have to let my mom go.  She already went.  The thing I do have to do is admit how I feel about that and do things that I know will make it easier to live with. It is easier to live with when I remember how I feel about her death and do things that I believe make this world an easier place to live.

I spend one hour a week on family history.  I remember my mom and other people I know who have died to let them know that I still believe that they are there and to let them know that I have not forgotten them.  Denzel Washington said:  "If someone dies and you never talk about them or remember them, they die twice."  It's important for me to remind myself that i believe in angels and I believe that though those people are dead they are not completely gone.  They are angels who are watching over us.

One of the laws of thermodynamics says that energy can be transferred and transformed but never created or destroyed.  What if creation was our energy simply being brought into what we are and transferred here.  That means that when we die we are simply taken somewhere else.  While our finite minds will never understand the complexities of eternity we can at least admit that we don't know everything and the laws of science really dictate that we exist when we die.  We don't in fact disappear.  The energy that made your heart beat and your eyes smile is simply transferred and transformed.  The energy that makes your eyes bright and your smile vibrant is according to science an energy that never dies.

Sleep is a poorly understood science.  No one understands why we sleep or why it is important.  We do know that there is no quicker and surer way to madness, sickness, and even death that to deprive someone of sleep.

When my mom died I learned about sleep.  I learned that when we sleep we go to be with the angels who watch over us.  I felt her in a very real way and visited her in my dreams many times.  Nightmares are the trip back here.  It is a nightmare for a baby to be born and transferred here, and a nightmare for us to leave our dream world back into reality but which is really real?  Is life when we are awake real or are our dreams reality?  Why are drugs that drag us into our sleep so irresistible?  Sleep alleviates us of our duties and cares.  Sleep also will alleviate you of your accomplishments.   We must face difficulty to accomplish much.

We have a hard work to do on earth.  We each have a task to complete.  Being awake and here on earth is hard, but it is worth it because we are doing the work we were sent to do.  Do your work.  Sleep 8 hours a night and be selfless enough to face your day.....each day.  Be brave.  Be happy.  Be strong and don't feel sorry for yourself.  Soon enough you will sleep to never wake again and all that will matter is what you accomplished when you were here.

Being alive is like gathering candy on an easter egg hunt.  One day we will sit down to face what we have accomplished and gathered.  We will reap what we have sown.  Good luck.  Accomplish much.

When my mom died I saw her in my dreams.  It was really her.  I knew it and I felt it.  I was so amazed.  I told her that we were forever separated, but I learned that I am wrong.  Though I am here on earth I am there with her every single night when I sleep.  I have nothing to complain about because I see her all the time.  I'm just not allowed to remember it all the time.  I was allowed to remember just after she died..but soon enough I will be with her never to be separated by time or this world again.

My husband drug me to a music concert on Aug 11th the 4 year anniversary of my mom's death.  I almost didn't go to see this outdated Diamond Rio FREE band concert but when I sat in front of them hearing them sing the song "I believe" I really felt my mom brought that song to me.  Though she hates country music,  now that she is dead she can speak directly to my heart in a way that I can hear her....sometimes through music....and I believe that.