Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone.
When it hurts the most
My son died November 28, 2009. He was 37, and a diabetic. He has a daughter 10. Both were so important to me. His wife won't let me see my grandaughter or talk to her... she won't even answer the phone. So this means my grandaughter and I are suffering and grieving two losses.
This past week I had a very rough day, I wanted to talk to my son so badly....so badly it was overpowering. All I could do was cry, sit with my mouth open with tears running down my face, weeping from the soul. Last night Alabama played for the national championship. They won. I found it a very emotional night as that was my son's favorite team. Others were talking about it, we wept with joy and sadness at the same time.
It seems when it hurts the most for me is when something is going on that makes me think of him in such a way as I have described above, plus angry words from others. There are days I am ok, get by, without crying even though he and my grandaughter are on my mind. Then all at once it hits me and it's like the world has fallen in on me and I can hardly breathe.
I made that very statement to my sister the other night, about the world falling on me. The next morning this song was rolling in my mind and off my lips.
"If he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders, I know my sister he will carry you."
So that made me feel God heard what I had told my sister and he was letting me know. I was reading the bible yesterday and in Hebrews it talks about a resting place in God. It said there is one and we must find it. I'm trying to find it. Last night, I was so nervous and anxious, couldn't sleep. I had to pray that the Lord will help me endure and and wait on Him now to do what He does and that is to work miracles in my life.
My husband is not very understanding of my grief and my loss and is demanding that I get back to the norm with my life. He wanted me to forget about my son being dead and the loss of my grandaughter. he wanted me to focus on him and his house and his grandkids, make them happy, make everything normal again for them. I couldn't do it. I couldn't grieve or breathe. Every angry word made my grief 10 times worse.
I need my son, I loved my son and my grandaughter. The loss of them in my life has left me empty, lost.
This past week I had a very rough day, I wanted to talk to my son so badly....so badly it was overpowering. All I could do was cry, sit with my mouth open with tears running down my face, weeping from the soul. Last night Alabama played for the national championship. They won. I found it a very emotional night as that was my son's favorite team. Others were talking about it, we wept with joy and sadness at the same time.
It seems when it hurts the most for me is when something is going on that makes me think of him in such a way as I have described above, plus angry words from others. There are days I am ok, get by, without crying even though he and my grandaughter are on my mind. Then all at once it hits me and it's like the world has fallen in on me and I can hardly breathe.
I made that very statement to my sister the other night, about the world falling on me. The next morning this song was rolling in my mind and off my lips.
"If he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders, I know my sister he will carry you."
So that made me feel God heard what I had told my sister and he was letting me know. I was reading the bible yesterday and in Hebrews it talks about a resting place in God. It said there is one and we must find it. I'm trying to find it. Last night, I was so nervous and anxious, couldn't sleep. I had to pray that the Lord will help me endure and and wait on Him now to do what He does and that is to work miracles in my life.
My husband is not very understanding of my grief and my loss and is demanding that I get back to the norm with my life. He wanted me to forget about my son being dead and the loss of my grandaughter. he wanted me to focus on him and his house and his grandkids, make them happy, make everything normal again for them. I couldn't do it. I couldn't grieve or breathe. Every angry word made my grief 10 times worse.
I need my son, I loved my son and my grandaughter. The loss of them in my life has left me empty, lost.
Comment
-
Comment by Lisa Townsend on January 9, 2010 at 8:45am - What ever you do dont stop trying to contact your granddaughter. Stop by their house when you know she is there. send her flowers when you know she is home,make sure they are delivered on time, make sure a big card is facing them when they arrive with her name on it. It seems you have built a relationship with her and she wont forget the bond you two have. That is what im trying to do with my grandson incase something like this happens, he will know in his heart how we were when we were together. Dont stop trying, we are wiser, use your wisdom you have earned and out smart her. Its time to get dirty in a real nice way. Oh i could go on and on. I get on a roll. Spend some time thinking, like your daughterinlaws age,what her intrest are, what make her not like you, and reverse yourself and play a game, out smart her. She is the fool not you. I know i might sound crazy, maybe i am. I could not even imagine what i would do if i did not see my grandson, he helps me through everything and he is only three. all she can do is take you to court, but then you also have rights. Get creative, I spend alot of time repenting, the things and thoughts that go through my mind are not good, sometimes i surprise my self and feel like she is making me more like her. That is scary. but i do what i have to do. I smile and kiss ass
-
Comment by Ganny on January 8, 2010 at 10:49pm - Yes i agree Lisa... I already said once in anger Why would God let her take up space on this earth and take my son who was a good person and a loving Father. I've had to take that back but the hurt can turn to anger really fast. At the funeral home in front of everyone a guy my son worked with had his hands all over her...she didn't have anything to do with me, couldn't and wouldn't look me in the face. It's a disgrace that we have to go through this. I've questioned God already so much about the whole thing. I was angry one day and yelled at him, but I guess he was laughing at me. Like who am I to yell at God. Last night I was ready to climb the walls. I was so nervous and anxious. I can't see my grandchild and it's killing me and in the mean time his wife is telling her things that will turn her against me, I know she is. Although, my grandaughter loves me as much as I love her. But you know how the parent can influence a child, decieve them, scare them. My hands are tied right now and I'm looking for a miracle from God. I need more than one.
-
Comment by Lisa Townsend on January 8, 2010 at 1:32pm
- I feel for you. Oh God how i feel for you. My sons wife has made me feel so terrible. She let me know that my name was not on anything and her name was the only name on everything and i could not do anything. I told her my name was on his birth cert. I do get to see my grandson, but i have to really walk on very thin ice, (God forbid dont piss them off,keep your mouth shut, bite your tounge.) She will make you eat s... My sons wife went straight into a relationship in 2 weeks after his death. If i mention my sons name, it is as if, Michael who? My mother keept me from evil people i guess, because i sure cant deal with her, Sometimes i look at her and see nothing but pure evil. I can even see red in her eyes and it not from crying. After 3 hours of his death it seemed the only thing on her mind was he life insurance. Its bad enough for my son to be gone from me, and then have to put up with someone so evil. I was taken off her myspace also.
-
Comment by Ganny on January 8, 2010 at 12:34pm
- And not to mention that my son's wife has deleted me from his facebook and myspace page. Pure evil spewing from her fingertips. I'm trying hard not to let hate get into my heart. I'm praying for her.
Groups
-
I love my Dad.
79 members
-
Losing Someone to Cancer
56 members
-
Traumatic, Sudden Loss
54 members
-
I miss my Mom!
48 members
-
Missing my Son or Daug…
47 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
29 members
-
I Miss My Parent(s)
21 members
-
Tattoo Memorial
18 members
-
Caylee Marie Anthony
18 members
-
mY sOuLmAtE, mY bEsTfRiE…
15 members
-
Lost Without My Mom
15 members
-
Orphaned Adults
9 members
-
for loved ones who have…
9 members
-
Missing Michael Jackson
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
5 members
Latest Activity
I lost my mother on February 9, 2010 to a cardiac arrest. She was my best friend. I was blessed to be born on Mother's Day. This year is going to be the hardest birthday. It falls on mothers day this year so i made plans to go on a vacation with my…
My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
I lost my mom a month ago. She was my best friend she passed away unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest.my grandmother my moms mother found her at 6am. I was blessed to have been born on Mother's Day which unfortunately for me this year my birthday falls…
If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
This weekend will be one year since my dad died, i haven't been on here in a while. I've been getting really down alot recently, and also angry. I can feel myself taking my anger out on my mum, and i know i shouldn't. I want to stop myself but i can…
Rachel, I have had two suicides, the first was in 2006 my youngest son shot himself, Then in Feb of 2010 my Grandson Hung himself. So this very fresh in my mind. To answer your question. To support your friend Just be there for her and Listen but do…
if you have lost someone by suicide post your thoughts here.
Jennifer - please don't feel guilty that you were taken in by your ex. So often the people we think we know turn out to be complete strangers and worse. I'm certain that you would have protected him had you any idea of what was going on. I'm so sorr…
I never in a million years thought I would be sitting here writing about the murder of my 2 yr old son.As Im sitting here my heart is broken because we are supposed to be gone before our kids.I dont even know how to put into words the pain I am feel…
My 2 yr old was brutally murdered on April 22,2009 by my ex-boyfriend.A person who me and my kids love and trusted.He used that to kill my son and sometimes I feel so guilty beccause I didnt protect my son.I told him no one would ever hurt him and n…
For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.
He was 38 years old. Not overweight really, but an everyday smoker. Never saw that coming. Him, me, none of us. You just dont think its possible to die of a heart attack at 38. Just a little clot in a coronary artery, thats all it takes. Its so unre…
After losing my father after a very lengthy illness i too lost my dog. Your writing is beautiful and inspirational. I am sorry that you feel such pain. My father left us piece by piece and I understand the numbness that goes along with loss. Did you…
Useful Links
How to Write an Obituary How to Write a Eulogy Find A Grave Twinless Twins Dead or Alive Hospice My Loving Tribute Writing through Cancer
Healing Grief Support
One year of writing and healing at a glance
View my page on Hospice Community Forum Your donations benefit the entire community.
Visit My Loving Tribute
Healing Grief Support
One year of writing and healing at a glance
View my page on Hospice Community Forum Your donations benefit the entire community.
Visit My Loving Tribute
FLOWER.COM - leading online florist since 1996
Books
To One In Sorrow
Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.
-Grace Noll Crowell
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.
-Grace Noll Crowell
The Light Beyond
Bereavement Overload - Coping With Multiple Losses
9VCNMPFYEMUA How can anyone cope with the death of more than one family member when those deaths occur in a short period of time? What happens to the person who is grieving the death of a loved one, then loses a job, and has to move from their home or apartment because of financial conditions? Multiple losses occur more frequently than most people realize and they can complicate the mourning process. To begin with, it...7 powerful ways to deal with grief
An interesting article just came in from the singer and songwriter Barbara Lewis, and I though it was so helpful to those coping with the loss of a loved one that I am reproducing it here: As a long-time performer - singer/songwriter - many events from my private life have appeared in songs. When my brother took his own life, and many years later, when my beloved husband of thirty years suddenly died, I brought...How to find the perfect funeral poem
Reading poems at a funeral can provide comfort to those who are suffering from the the loss of a loved one. Poets have the gift of being able to use words to give expression to the most sublime sentiments of the heart, and many of the most famous poets in history have used their talents to write about death and dying. Some poems about death can be dark, with emphasis on the misery of the...Losing my wife during child birth and looking after my 4 young children
My name is Steve Carter and I live in Glengormley Northern Ireland. I am writing to you today to tell you my story about my lovely wife and my fantastic children. I find writing this helps me through the heart ache and pain that I have suffered over the last 10 months. This is my story... I met my wife Denise while we were both travelling around the world. I was on my sixth year...Grief recovery course in Surrey, UK
February 15-19 LIVING WITH LOSS A gentle, nurturing week-long course for anyone who has lost a loved one, not necessarily by death. We will look at ways to cope with grief and explore the paradox of letting go while staying connected and forging continuing bonds. Facilitators are Frances Crampton and Elizabeth Brown, both trained counsellors and healers and members of Quaker Retreat Group. We work in Claridge House at Lingfield in Surrey, a Quaker healing...Badge
© 2010 Created by Diana Young
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community