Today I have not been able to move. I have moved through my house, and have been on the deck but not out to interact with others and I think that it is necessary for me to get outside and speak to or see anyone other than my children. Today is so hard. My body aches and feels like lead, I know that these feelings will come and go and they have over the past few days, but today the cloud is lingering longer than usual and I am afraid if I let it take hold I will never be able to get out from under. I think this was triggered because I had to speak to the "funeral director"  for a mock obiturary. I say mock because George's reamins were donated to a mortuary school and will be cremated and the resturns donated to the family in about 4 weeks. The students actually go throuhg amock funeral and will speak to the family. My husband did not want a memorial nor a funeral service - our family gets nuts during services and will use the services for their own purposes. In talking to the student I broke down and started crying when asked to describe George. I used all the words family and friends told me in the past about George and I broke down realizing that I will never be loved by a person like George or share a laugh with him ever again in this lifetime. After speaking to the student (who was lovely) I promptly went into our bedroom and pulled up the covers and sat on my bed....and that is where I have been for the last 2plus hours, with the TV as my mindless background. I will allow myself another 30 minutes to wallow in this (whatever it is) and then off to take a shower, get dressed and out the door. I can go to shop rite - we need bread, then to the chiropractor and finally to a group grief counseling meeting,

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Comment by Robin on June 28, 2016 at 11:52pm
I know how you feel and understand my Kevin has been gone for six weeks today and everyday seems harder not easier. I have just learned to live with the fog my husband was cremated I have a necklace with his ashes around my neck, we did have a service but it was one of the hardest days dealing with the funeral director it was like an omg this is really happening and it broke me, hugs to you .
Comment by P on June 22, 2016 at 2:59pm

I'm sure that the counseling will help.  Although it's so painful, what you're experiencing is really normal.  I still find myself getting upset when I talk about Mark to folks who didn't know him.  I think I'm so sad because he was awesome and I miss him so much and also, because he was awesome but they will never know that for themselves.  Hugs to you Denise.

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