There will never be a day where I don’t think about you, there could be weeks where it doesn’t cripple me that you’ve gone then all of a sudden it’s like a bus has hit me And it’s like that morning all over again. There’s no pain like this. It’s like someone’s pulled the curtains on your life it’s over now you’ve got to make a new one with no reason as to why or how to do it. The people that you thought would come and show you what to do or be there are no where to be seen instead it’s the people that everyone has an opinion on but what does that say about the people that are supposed to be there ? 

I often think about how it would have all been like if you were here, what we would be like , what arguments , what jokes , what memories we could have had. 6 years is a long time to live without your mum but I’m so lucky to have Donna as my mum too we know it’s not the same but we make it work and she’s the best I could have ever asked for, she’s an amazing mother to me.

I do get mad that you left me with out a reason or even a goodbye but you had to go and I’m grateful your safe and at peace now but I still needed you and always will do in some way.I miss your weird laugh , the way you pronounced certain ways or how easy it was to wind you up and I miss your face and the small wrinkles on your hands, I miss every part of you.

I never got to thank you for the life you gave me even though it wasn’t perfect but you showed me the right things in life and that happiness doesn’t involve money or things , they come and go it’s the people that make it, it’s the effort put into the relationships - the laughs, the tears , fights , jokes that go into it. It’s not about social status or the amount in your bank it’s the principle of life. You showed me that and still do now your gone, somehow you always made it work no matter the situation and I learnt that from you and it’s a good job cause I would be 100% screwed now but I just wanted to take the time out to tell you I love you , miss you and thank you but I wish you where still here to ring me 5000000 times a day. Thank you for making sure I was safe with dad and Donna before you left , they are amazing parents and I couldn’t be any luckier to have them  ❤️

Views: 69

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Groups

Latest Activity

Profile IconKayla and Jazi joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
Friday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
Friday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Coartney Hale updated their profile
Thursday
Coartney Hale posted photos
Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
May 15
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
May 15
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
May 15
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
May 15
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
May 15
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
May 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
May 14
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
May 14

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service