Procrastination is the ultimate REBEL inside us all. It´s the defying of time and the so many obligations that life imposes to us. I know procrastination here is at it´s best when LIFE has lost most meaning and that fire inside is null. It´s as if the rest of the world makes a clock to go in circles and we want out SILENTLY. It´s a plase to refuge quile refuting the purpose of the clocks. It´s a statement of stuck with the feeet right where the mind is, STILL. Looking for peace to coexist with the mind sometimesmakes all else seems unecessary. We can do that tomorrow or after and so on. In fact, over time, the to do list drops anyhow and with that some get off our backs hich is quite useful. WHAT KEEPS us in PROCRASTIMNATION? Lack of PURPOSE. What motivated us most is gone and with that procrastination seems second skin, simply because no one hits PRIORITY and not even taking care of ourselves. I went Monday to my back surgeon and he asked for an x ray and gave me a medicine for pain, since few weeks ago my car got hit by this huge bus. Wasn´t much damage to the vehicle against all odds, looking at it I think God likes me a little and spare my life and the car. Could have costed my life, was a huge impact noise. The car went spinning a couple times before stopped against heavy oncoming traffic. However when he sent me for an x ray I got home with a lot of tears coming down my face, thinking I hate set backs in recouping my back. Well, I have not done the x ray. Every single day I find an excuse to myself not to go. THe pain, the other things to do, and on and on I procrastinate perhaps under the ilusion Iwill be alright and I´d feel something if dated from the crash and the pain he is now loking at is one I already complained before. So, the whole ordeal is nuts. In any case I have to do, but I see no result will come and will be just a waste of time. But has to be done. However the x ray is the excuse daily for what others want and I don´t want to do. Ha! So I did DIG further to understand WHY procrastination is loving my x ray ordeal. And I found that I had a lack of PURPOSE. THe meaning of what I want to do careerwise and for me really, carrier in much of an esxtension of who I am. You can´t separate me with what I do. And being where I am at, whereas the regular work 8 hrs a day wont work for me anymore to keep my back doing good, means I have to sort what I want to do and build the channel of mode of operation. And each time the prediction changes, so does my course of actions and hopes to get life back to NORMAL, whatever that means. Since old parameter of NORMAL is not realistic. Living betwwen international flights is not the life I can remotelly aim at. Not in the frequency and as much as I did. Maybe one day I can do some more of it, But not anytime soon. I did think about a small own ngo or other shape to continue what I spevialized and invested over 20 years of my life and love to do, THe alternative would be to get another carreer or job. But I have worked in my mind NOW what that would mean down the road and realized I like more what I have been doing all along than other things. Would that be fear of the new? Nop, the new is exciting for me, and who knows where any road may lead. I only know now that being where I am in my life, very little has to do with money although the urgencies of life claim that from me. But how I make a living and what I want to do is more healing in so may ways that money will be less necessary and plenty either way. Money is the end result of any hard work. But what is that I want to work so much that I´d give the limited health I have to fully apply myself? WHen I thought about that...the answer was so obvious that I windered what took me so long. Perhaps the mind wasn´t ready to process that internal debate. Feels like the brains have beem quietly doing baby steps to get ready to this debate. Good sleep, feeling a little better...alll this and that. More, I don´t like the pressure and when external pressure is a fact procrastination is a natural reaction in rebelling and refusing to engage. Ah, that´s it, I had FINALLY exported pressures to HEAR MY OWN VOICE. And added to that, some aquaintances more than people allowed to dig in my body or soul for a while. Less NEED for interactions and more of positive general public sort of speak, making room in myself to heal and look past the hurt to heal. You know hell is paved with good intensions. SO many come around us with their agenda, that we tend to eventually think WHERE IS MY AGENDA? Yeah, I need to get back to me. And one day I feel a little better and I remember I have legs, the other day I remeber I have arms, and in a few days I ReMEMER my FULL EXISTENCE and then hit the puzzle of what NOW? Then when the excitement of finding out overflows in talks and conversations here and then, everyone is like WHEN? HOW? and I stare and say LOOK, din´t worry, I will be doing at least for the next 30 years or more depending how long I live. So what does it matter if will take months or years? I rather make good moves, than quick run in circles. But don´t worry. I´ve been doing my life and career over time more than anyone else, so I should know the way. There comes the pressure I now just shake it off and people to be in my priority now...hit my agenda for a change. Sight

Views: 50

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Groups

Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
4 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
6 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
9 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
9 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
16 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
17 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
21 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
yesterday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
yesterday
P updated their profile
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
yesterday
Profile IconValerie Groh, diane, Lisa and 6 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
Thursday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
Thursday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
Thursday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service