After a year not a soul walk threw that door to help and I was in a very bad place. I now stand and sorry the excuses are hurtful. One year and I did it all. I was broken for many months. All I wanted was someone to hold me and just keep my mind straight. I have loss friends because I guess I never knew I was as strong as steel. I needed no one. They were wrong. Yes I ask for help.

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Comment by Frances Koonce on August 8, 2018 at 7:12am

Wow - I have no words. I guess I’m naive and think someone would surely pitch in to help.

When my dad died, people told my mom to get rid of all his things as if it would lessen the pain. Obviously there were things nobody could use in our family like his clothes, but she gave a few of his things away to us kids. I think my little brother got his pocket watch. We didn’t have much to begin with so there wasn’t much to sort thru. 

Going thru boxes and wondering about the events surrounding them and imagining what your dear wife would have preferred with no reference point, by yourself - I sound like a broken record but I just can’t fathom that. I’m very sorry about this. 

Comment by MIchael Ortiz on August 8, 2018 at 1:05am

13 Months of Me doing everything. Even her grown children did not help.I was left with making choices of what to give to charity. Also I did not know what was important to who. I went threw boxes of my late wife that were before me. I had to make choices what was important and what was not. I had no clue. All the people who said there be there for me and it was none. Not her family and not mine. 13 months with my thoughts. I was surprise I made it.

Comment by Frances Koonce on August 7, 2018 at 2:30pm

Hello Mr. Ortiz, 

I am new to the forum and just wanted to say how very sorry I am that nobody supported you when your wife passed away. That is heartbreaking in itself. 

It is a wrong perception for persons to think we are strong by appearances only or how we dealt with things in the past. Just because we are not rolled up into a ball doesn’t mean we are doing fine. 

I have not lost my mate, but I have lost my parents and friends. Each death causes a different kind of void and pain. Your loss is not like anyone else’s loss. The affects might be similar, but never the same. Would you care for some free reading material on coping with grief? I’m not a therapist, but I share what information I have to those who give permission to send to a private email. I want to help in this smallest way. 

Again, I’m very sorry that you have lost the love of your life, a precious spouse and cherished person.

Sincerely,

Frances 

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