These past five years have been so hard on me that I have completely changed as a person. I lost the person I loved most. It doesn't matter if that person is your mother, father, daughter, or son. It doesn't even matter if the one you loved most walked on two legs or four, such as in the case of my "dam" dog as someone here rudely implied. I have lost nearly my entire family in the past five years. My poor little dog was about all I had left. My husband is ill, and my only child has stomped on my heart so badly with dangerous life choices he has made. And in the midst of all my grief, I have to try to work and make a living for myself. There's no one to do it for me. My grief was so bad at one point that I nearly died. I have a four inch scar across the wrist to prove it. That's why I joined this group, for support and to hopefully be there for someone else. I do genuinely care about others and their sorrow. Apparently, though, some feel they have a monopoly on sorrow. And it's those I feel sorriest for. Every one of us on here has deep sorrow or we woudn't be here. And who we loved most in life is important to each of us, whether a child, parent, friend,...or a dog! Goodnite to all, and thank you to those who cared about my pain.

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Comment by Felicia on January 2, 2016 at 2:22pm

Hi AnneJ!  Our pets can be such a comfort. My little dog has helped me to have someone to love and focus on since my parents death.  Just wish I wasn't losing her too!  She's looking right at me as type this. Gonna miss those big brown eyes, and the sound of her footsteps right behind me. She's been my shadow for eleven years. Gotta stop making myself cry!  Thanks Anne for your support and friendship. Means alot to me! Hope you find comfort and peace today. Give your big old cat a hug for me.

Comment by Felicia on January 1, 2016 at 11:34pm

Hi Hilary! Just wanna say thank you for your support-- you haven't failed me! You took the time to comment and send your love. Sending mine to you too! Sorry for your loss. Thanks for the warning about DailyStrength.org. Nobody should be made to "hurry up" with their grieving. Sending a hug to you...

Comment by Felicia on January 1, 2016 at 11:21pm

Thanks for your kindness, Bluebird. I have reconsidered, and stayed on. I got over being hurt and angry. Yes, there are some very supportive people on here and I truly appreciate that. Hugs to you!

Comment by Hilary Christene on January 1, 2016 at 2:07pm

Hi Felicia,

Going to the end - attempting self annihilation - over this grief I completely and totally get. Completely and totally, having tried it myself and also failed to make the goddamned exit. Sending all my broken, fucked up, damaged, end of life love right out to you, girl. Your only crime was loving. I know, people are really judgmental about things like suicide. It's actually really, really scary to try and destroy your own body and so I recognize the courage you exercised in trying to free yourself from your pain.

I signed up for DailyStrength.org, and I ended up canceling my account with them. They're more like "okay, sad loss, now what's next." I'm like .... RRUHHH??? SHAGGY???? You can just put your loved ones down, oh too heavy?? And you can just pick on up with something else? Man are we wired differently. Good for them; they're way happier than I am. CLEARLY. Wish I had their detachment. My point (which I'm making poorly due to mental trouble following repeated chemical exposures) is - if some fucktard on here was a douchebag to you, and it's a place of non-support where you feel misunderstood or judged, you're making the right decision to bail, of course. I'm very sorry I failed to be supportive of you.

And dogs are living angels.

Comment by bluebird on January 1, 2016 at 12:00pm

Felicia, I wish you would reconsider leaving here.  While yes, there are some people here who feel as though they have a monopoly on sorrow, or who feel as though they know they only "right" way to grieve, for the most part I have found that the people here are helpful and supportive.  Many times they have some idea of what you are dealing with, as they are living in their own versions of hell, and even when they can't completely understand or identify with your situation, they try to be supportive.  In any case, whether here or elsewhere or both, I hope things improve for you and that you are able to find some peace.

Comment by Felicia on December 22, 2015 at 11:00pm

I'm so sorry for all your losses, Jo B.   I know what you mean about dying a little more after each one. At least you still have a kind heart, even though your heart is broken. Thanks for caring enough to read what I wrote. Big hugs to you!

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 22, 2015 at 2:28am

me 2

had so mush loss sisne 2012 u cud say iv loss my way 2 

if i dndt go on hear i wud be loket up up u cud say

im not person i wz in 2011 bt 2012 bit of me died after evry loss in famly bit of me died aftr eash 1

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