What I have learned:

  1.  I can walk farther than I thought, ride a bike and look cool at the same time, and hike into the woods while listening for that voice that I can hear only when the wind is blowing through the trees.
  2. I have learned a family can survive the loss and get stronger day by day. 
  3. I have learned kids are resilient and make it their quest to remind you that in some ways you now have become the child. Also, you are not allowed to die for a very long time.  That would be unacceptable. 
  4. I have learned how lonely life is without that long-term relationship.  I have learned I can also love again, given the opportunity.
  5. I can cook and I can be overwhelmed by the monthly bills, just like my wife did.
  6. I learned that life does not stop because someone dies. 
  7. I have learned I have to work really hard to care about my career.
  8. I have learned I have friends and others who love me, even when I do not have the strength to give it back.

I will continue to learn and apply these lessons so I can hope to maintain a direction that means something to me and to those around me.  Hope arises in all of us, and death is not the end.  No matter what you believe, your own lessons can strengthen you and help guide you after the death of someone who is important in your life. 




Falling into silence,

reflecting on what was lost,

only threatens the security

of the individual.


Life continues onward,

as people go about their business.

The awareness of the world,

never noticing the dimness of the individual.


Eventually pieces of different puzzles

transform the new individual

to a different kind of world,

forever changing the past.


It is not bad.

It is not good.

It is not complete.

It is not understood.


It just is.

It is just choices.

Without choices,

there is no moving forward.

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Comment by Mike on May 16, 2017 at 12:44pm

Thank you, Lynda. You are very kind. I agree about the "new different" I have found that no matter what loss has occurred, we can't help but be changed.  

Comment by Lynda on May 16, 2017 at 9:58am
Mike, I'm so sorry for your loss. I heard a phrase a long time ago and I'm now using it to get through my mother's death. It captures what you said in your post.

I just keep saying "this is a new different".

You are very accurate in your description of choices too. The right choices can always propel you ahead. Do something nice for yourself every day :)
Comment by Mike on May 13, 2017 at 10:22am

That is beautiful wisdom Alice, thank you for sharing. I have found that neat bows aren't reality. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on May 13, 2017 at 12:43am
I thank you too, Mike. You are honest and have written the truth, which is rare because people so often fall into the trap of tying up those loose, drifting ends into a neat bow. It reminds me of the simple advice a fellow, wiser griever gave me when I told her of my ideas about how to move into the future and was not sure about it. "Just do what you like," she said.
Comment by Mike on May 12, 2017 at 8:17pm

Your welcome Anne. We are all in this together. 

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