Don't grieve alone.
well before it was pretty predictable.She would go out to do what she does (nothing bad) I would enjoy those moments. The die had pretty well been cast for a long time for us. I wonder if it would be different if I paid attention to her health.Its hard to say she went on dialysis in 2008 .We got married in1977.So there must have been a time where her kidneys started to fail. Did she ever pay attention to her health or maby I should have. I don,t know.I guess there things you have no control over.We didn,t have a outwardily loving marriage(hugging .kissing presents going out) but we did alright in a sense. I was pretty well dependent on her.She made some terrible decisions,some I feel if I jumped in might have saved us a lot of grief. I wasn .t a real man for her.I started to develope some terrible coping mechanisms in dealing with her "temper tantrums" well.ll leave it at that. I don,t think she saw it that way we let things fall where they may.
There is no use anaylizing what has gone on . It just happended as dysfuntional as it gets. Its a terrible burden for someone so dependent for decision making on someone else.We had some good times though.
So there is a void,a dark space which your thrust into and try to work yourself out,