CAREGIVING versus GIVING SELF a LIFE. Being a caregiver can be quite draining. As I divorce myself from that situation and deal with OWN life issues and things...the path back is quite something. Everyone around got used to what I did for the sick one, and never really bothered to ask if it was ok with me. Not that I wasn´t there or didn´t have my own opinion, just that I held back and kept to the back of my head the thoughts and words which would not be of any benefit to that person elder and sick. However, it´s also a fact most got used to confuse care giver with WHO I AM, forgetting I was just applying my OWN skills and mind to do the best and kept HAVING A LIFE of my own that INCLUDED the sick one in it. By switching care giving, one must there not ASSUME I will want any part, as there is much to be said and done before I BUY any of what they do. I don´t have to like or dislike, in fact I can drop that full load of crap to the owner. Seems as if trying to divorce from their image of me is way too troubling for them. But not for me. It was hard enough to trust them ever, and harder to let go without trusting any of their actions. But switching is no entry door to MY LIFE. It´s not a free pass to boss me around. In fact, it´s not much of anything I want to be part. I am digging deep here to find the things and people who make my day brighter, and by what I lived and saw, I know crap from inside out, and distance is a must. Wasn´t easy, but was NECESSARY. Not all people wanting to be like me and able and willing to care can do half of what I ever can remotely RESPECT. So I take that step back and out and try to live my life and let the crap all out. Reality is VERY SIMPLE, a binary menu of like it, press repeat; and don´t like it, press delete. All the judgement of theirs is not remotely my problem, pressure unwanted, visits unwelcome. Most would assume that because I was warm and welcoming them into my mother´s care, they have the same room in my life. Well, NO. There is tons of people I did my very best to put up with and ARE 100% unwelcome in any shape or form in my life and are NEVER to be allowed in my property and less so in my LIFE. As cruel as it may seem, it is their cruelty they have to live with, because welcoming them brings even closer all their cruel ways to a place they never asked or cared to find out where the boundaries are. My mother´s boundaries are her own, but my boundaries are just mine. And separating takes time and vigilant energy to keep all the crap out. There may be a day they can learn or care to know where that boundary is to have some respectful way to interact. But not until then is a safe or place to get forgranted the room in my life. There is much to earn into doing what makes me happy. So much, that having to interact and kick out is just something I have to do, not what I enjoy. I am learning to cope with crap and finding the simple things that make me happy. Fe in God, I never needed much anyway. Rule is SO SIMPLE, if you don´t know ASK and quit ASSUMING that knowing my care giver side means KNOWING me AT ALL. Sight. The working in my life goes with my clock ONLY.

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Comment by silvia maria on Friday

AnneJ. I am glad I arrived here. Quite a safe place to talk, isn´t it? I am also happy to hear I am not alone. Somethings are best to sare, but in the right place where support is the common denominator. You know, it´s necessary to pour out, but depending where we do it it´s just not safe and keeping inside makes it worse to grief. Glad also that my story and writing is of use. It´s really useful to me. THANK YOU! All the best.

Comment by AnneJ on Friday

Silvia, I have gotten so much from what you've written about in the last few days; you have really helped me think in new ways. It's amazing there are people like you "out there" and all of a sudden, you're "in here". I think you're really something special. With respect, AnneJ.

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