Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I'm so angry. I'm alone, and it doesn't matter what job I have or what I do or what I don't do or what friends I have, or don’t have; he's not here.
People remind me to eat, sleep, and to take care of myself, but nothing fills the hole in my heart. Nothing fills the hole he left. I feel like I’m missing part of myself. Sometimes it’s so bad I feel like I can’t breathe and will never breathe again normally.
I thought I could pretend but it’s the ever constant realisation his gone when I wake up every morning knowing he won’t call, he won’t be with me. That every day I grave his hugs, his kisses, his smile and the stroke of his hand.
I don’t understand why. I want to scream and yell and ask why I don’t deserve to be happy. Why the one who didn’t treat me badly or hurt me is the one I can never get back.
I’m afraid to show what I feel, to cry and to say I hurt and I don’t know what to do to stop hurting. I want him back; these words resonate in my heart, my head and in every fibre of my core.
Six weeks since he died and I still live in a haze. Part of me hoping that its some horrible nightmare I will wake up from.