1 Year Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's murder. For the past year I have gone through a range of emotions from sadness, anger to emotional paralysis. Today I realized that I've been living in fog where I somehow imagined that he was just unavailable for my phone calls. Today I had to acknowledge that I will never see or hear him again. How is it that today is almost as bad as the day of his death?

It's been a year, and I still don't understand how another human being can take another's life. I don't understand how the legal system, which I  previously so strongly believed in, failed my family. I don't understand how I am supposed to "move on" from this. I don't understand how a murderer is allowed to walk free. I don't understand how my brother's wife can continue living her life as if nothing happened when it was her boyfriend that killed my brother, her husband.  We were once a happy family that vacationed together. Now the woman who I once thought of as a sister, now holds the title of conspirator in my brother's death. 

Life goes on, even though I struggle to try to resemble the person I was before September 9, 2013. I realized today that I will never be that person again. That person before September 9, 2013 was part of a pair - Donn and Kelli children of Harold of Mary. I pray that my family, particularly my parents,  can try to heal. I  pray that everyone who is hurting as the result of someone's death can find comfort in the memories of their loved one. 

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Comment by Kristine Rosendale on September 9, 2014 at 10:55pm

It has been a month today that Brandon my boyfriend passed away.  My doctor and a counselor that I see tell me I'm still in shock.  I feel like it isn't real.  It isn't like I think he is just gone on vacation or something but I guess I haven't really allowed myself to take in that he is really gone and I will never see him or feel him again.  He died from a drug overdose.  I was the one that found him in our bathroom.  I can't get the image out of my head of how he looked.  I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.  He doesn't help me to hear that from people that they are sorry for my loss.  It's just something that people say cause there isn't much else to be said.  Your brother didn't have a choice.  Brandon did.  He chose to use drugs he chose to be selfish and leave me and his kids behind.  I am angry with him for that but miss him still.  It's hard to hear that a year later it is just as painful.  That probably is because the other man is free and your feel as though you didn't get your closure or justice. 

Comment by Kelli H. on September 9, 2014 at 6:29pm

Thank you Jo. It seems like a really bad movie that never ends. 

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 9, 2014 at 4:37pm

i h a t e anversyrys i do coz it brngs it all bk 2 us

its so not fair kelli

so sorry

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