I'm trying to not blame my dad for my mom's death

My mother passed away last Thursday and my and I just had a newborn baby 2 months ago. My mother and my father are both alcoholics and addicts. They were both doing very badly physically and mentally and my mom was so sick that she wasn't able to drive anywhere in order to get alcohol and so my father would go and get stuff alcohol so that he could drink and she would feed her alcohol knowing that it was killing her. She would continuously fall down the stairs and hit her head and have to go to the hospital all the time and she would have to go to Rehabilitation rehabs afterwards to learn how to walk and to physically be able to take care of herself but my father was the only person who lived in the home with her and he was unable to take care of her because he was such a bad alcoholic. My mom had just recently gotten out of a rehabilitation rehab and she was only out of there for about 2 weeks and I found out that my father was drinking and that he was giving her alcohol and I found out that she died because the police had to get on the phone with me to tell me that my mother had passed away because a nurse that comes in to help her found her dead on the floor in front of her bed because my father was so f***** up from drinking was so messed up from drinking that she did not check on her all night so he did not check up on her all night and all day and the nurse found her dead at 3 in the afternoon and I'm having a really really hard time not being angry at everybody and everything and I'm trying really hard not to blame my dad for my mother's death but I'm having a really hard time not blaming him right now and I don't know if anybody has any advise or is going through anything similar but if you do I really appreciate any any input that you might have

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Comment by Miriam Holmes on January 30, 2020 at 5:33pm

Lauren, I have not gone through anything that begins to be similar to the nightmare that you are describing.  Anger at your father is completely appropriate, even necessary.  But I suspect that beneath the anger at your father there is anger with your mother, too.  They both abandoned you for their addictions.  You need help, more help than you can get online.  You need to talk to real people.  You need a live support group, especially when you're trying to deal with all this and a 2 month old baby.  Call AlAnon, call the suicide hotline, call whatever help number you can find, but get some on the ground warm body help. 

Comment by Michelle on July 6, 2019 at 5:57pm
Maybe part of this is post partum depression. I had it 30 years ago when they called it baby blues. I see why you feel the way you do though.

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