I lost my mother on 9/6/15 then eight days later on 9/14/15 I lost my husband and 2 1/2 years later I am so lost the heartache is more unbearable every day and I feel like I have been in this horrific nightmare and I can’t wake up I have never felt so much pain ever in my life people keep telling me in time you will be ok but honestly I know that’s not true I know im just existing I stopped living when my whole world turned upside down I don’t know how to keep going I just pretend every day when people are around me that I’m ok because I know no one really cares because my family hasn’t kept in contact with me since my world changed I am alone still and forever broken 

Views: 121

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by bluebird on June 10, 2018 at 6:12pm

Pamela,

My husband died nearly 6 years ago, and I am still as hurt and sad and angry and grieving as I was the day he died. I can only imagine how horrible it must be to have had two people so dear to you die so closely together. I know what you mean when you say you feel as though you are in a horrific nightmare and can't wake up; that's how I feel too.

I know you said you don't have insurance...I see that you are in the U.S., where our health care is horrible, but you should at least be able to get Obamacare, especially if you are poor (that's what I have). I'm not sure if it covers counselling, though. A couple of other options, if you are wanting to see a counselor: (1) You could try to find a counselor who offers a sliding scale. Many years ago (long before I ever even met my husband) I went to therapy for anxiety issues. The place was operated by Catholic Charities, but the therapy was not in the least bit religious oriented. Anyway, the sliding scale used your income to determine the amount you would pay per session, so I only ended up having to pay $5 per therapy session, and I went once a week. Maybe you could find something similar; just make sure that the therapists are properly licensed. (2) If you are religious at all, you could try talking to your priest/rabbi/imam/etc., and that should be free. Even if you don't have a church/synagogue/temple/mosque which you attend, you should be able to stop by a local house of worship and speak with someone there, explain your situation and see if they can help. 

I hope something I've said is helpful to you.

Comment by Avi on June 6, 2018 at 11:11am

Hi Pamela

You are not alone. Your loved ones are with you and would like you to be happy.

I lost my mother on 15 May 18 and was shattered for few days but she still see me and I believe that I will meet her someday in heaven or the journey.

Comment by Virginia G on June 6, 2018 at 1:55am

Pamela,

 It has been over three months since I lost my Mom, my very best friend, my whole world.  I feel the same things you do.  I have friends and some family to talk to and even see a therapist but it doesnt help.  One thing you could do is go to a free bereavement support group.  I was thinking of trying it.  I feel lost and alone and don’t want to be here without her.  I am on late at night a lot if you want to talk in the chat room.

Comment by Pamela philipp on June 4, 2018 at 4:49pm

Thank you billy jo for your kind words unfortunately I have no way to talk to anyone because I have no health insurance since I lost my husband so although I have thought about talking to someone I can’t but I really appreciate your kindness thank you so much 

Comment by Billy Jo Colt on June 4, 2018 at 4:16pm

Hi Pamela, What you are going through is part and parcel of the grieving process. Everyone who has lost a loved one goes through a similar situation. All different but the same. Your loss is twofold which makes it even more difficult for you. Sometimes time does help, sometimes it doesn't. It is rare that it doesn't. The length of time always varies and there is no set time when it will ease. It never goes away. What happens is we learn to accept our loss. There are also different ways of learning. You aren't alone Pamela. I lost my girlfriend 5 years ago. The pain and loss is here every single day. The more we love someone, the more it hurts and the longer it takes to come to terms with it. I would honestly say that you should seek some councelling. Try and make that a priority please? Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. It is a little step that you can take a little at a time. Please try that as it can help your pain. hugggs,

Groups

Latest Activity

Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I dream about my Mom & Dad & thankfully they are always good dreams that are comforting.  An Aunt that I was close to is in a lot of the dreams with my parents.  I have one sibling. He is never in the dreams of my parents.  I…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I rarely dream about my mom. When I do dream about her it is almost always bad. I had a horrible dream last night. It was very short. I was standing near the front door of my mom's house. I looked down to greet my dog. There was a little puppy…"
13 hours ago
Lauren A Fernandez is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
23 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Nancy, I am sure everyone in our group can relate."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes we have no choice but to live without our mothers. Grief and guilt will be there through out and some days will be really hard than others. Yesterday was pathetic for me as my father said something that really hit me. I hope to see my mother…"
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love this Linda.  Thanks for posting it. "
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I relate to you all who have posted lately.  2 years for me.  2nd year was worse than the first as reality set in and shock lessened.  I am still in a trauma state of mind.  Forgetful, irritable, less patient.  I isolate…"
Saturday
Deanna N Nash added a discussion to the group surviving family members' murders
Thumbnail

Nothing feels real

My husband was brutly murdered 6 day ago and nothing feels real to me I'm still waiting to wake up or him to call me the pain is unbearable I don't know if I can go on anymore
Saturday
Deanna N Nash commented on Susie H's group surviving family members' murders
"6 days ago my husband and soulmate was brutly murdered and everyday gets a little harder I haven't seen him yet he's held up at the corners and I'm terrified to see him but I need to see him to convince my mind that this is real and…"
Saturday
Deanna N Nash joined Susie H's group
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Robin, thank you.  Bluebird was the honesty that i discovered on this site that made it possible for me to express what I go through.  Several others who write let me know too.  I tend to reach out here, particularly when I am…"
Saturday
Robin commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan - I lost my husband John, 9 years ago, when he was 46.  I come to this website every now & then, but have only commented a few times.  I relate most to you and Bluebird.  I can't believe it's been 9 years, and…"
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I really don't know what to say to all the newer people who come here looking for help and comfort because I have struggled for years. I did find an article written by a psychotherapist just the other day that made some sense to me about the…"
Saturday
Sharon batten posted a discussion

Missing my true love

My partner died 14 weeks ago and I am struggling big time without her, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left,
Friday
Sharon batten left a comment for Sharon batten
"I hate my life without her now I miss her so much, we been together for 10 years and now I have nothing left"
Friday
Profile IconSharon batten, Eileen A. Palazza, Deanna N Nash and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Kathleen Jordan posted photos
Friday
Kathleen Jordan commented on Anna-Marie's blog post When does the crying stop.
"Even though dream moon can't do grammar, I agree. It doesn't stop...it will hit at moments out of the clear blue....4 years, 9 years or 20.  It is a loss, and it's real."
Friday
Kathleen Jordan added 2 discussions to the group What's Next?
Friday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service