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My husband died 17 months ago of severe acute pancreatitis. He was perfectly well one day and the next day I had to drive him to hospital with severe gut pain.3 days later we were told there was nothing more they could do for him and we had to withdraw the life support. The enzymes of the pancreas destroys itself and the other surrounding organs. They said it was caused by drink but he only drank half a bottle of wine a night. The first few months I was 0.K. Then I crashed and had to be hospitalised with psychosis. I am on medication for depression. I have 3 wonderful grown up sons who love me but I am struggling with the loss and life just has no meaning for me. We travelled the world and did everything together as 'one person' Now I am paying the price of that dependency and I'm afraid I just want to join him. I know I'm supposed to do things and join things but nothing interests me. I know I have to live for my kids but every morning I wake to the loss and the thought of struggling on for the next 20 yrs fills me with dread. He was only 71 and his mother lived till she was 92!