Don't grieve alone; 13,500 members and growing
I lost my mother on 24 nov 2017 , now 3 weeks have been passed . My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer , It was a great shock for me , She never ever smoked and she didn't have any symptoms . I was very closed to my mother and my father has been passed away 4 years ago When she was diagnosed with cancer , I thought that some miracle would happen , I started adding anti cancer dietary elements in her diet , giving her drugs with an ambition of fighting with her disease . But her condition had started deteriorating , one day we have to call the ambulance and taken her to the hospital . She was admitted to the special care unit , They put piped oxygen mask on her mouth , She couldn't able to talk and eat that was the most painful and horrible experience for her as well for me , doctors were saying that drug has been failed and disease has won , because her oxygen level was not maintaining without piped . But I didn't believe them after 10 torturous days she came out from piped mask , She was still on oxygen through nasal prongs , but she was able to talk and eat , shifted to private ward , but she was a different person , not like my mother , so scared and angry with everyone , She kept on insisting , She wanted to go back , slept in her own room with her daughter (Me ) . After one week , We took her back to home .
I was still thinking that I could hold her and didn't let her go but I was wrong . I am still stuck on that day , when she started staring in me , avoiding eye contact . I started screaming 'don't look there , only look at me , listen to me . She looked at me just for a moment then again started looking on her front side . We called the ambulance , took her to the hospital then doctor told us to meet her , She is taking her last breath . Different friends and relatives are giving different advises , expecting that I should get back to my normal life , how could I get back to my normal life , It could never be normal again . I am dead inside I am trying to keep myself busy , I get exhausted , because my mind is preoccupied by her thoughts and her pain . Now I start to pretending that I am copping my grief just to please others but the reality is that I am completely shattered , missing my mother terribly .