Sandra Nichols's Blog (7)

Crying

It is Monday morning and I am at work in my cubicle. Crying and can't stop. Finally, my sister has started crying after about 8 months from losing mom. It made me start crying because she is the one person left on this earth that I love unconditionally. It is all so sad. This life is so depressing. WHy in the world are we here? To go through grief that makes us so depressed that we can't function?  Life is just so sad and depressing, I can't think of anything good about it. I am not sucidal…

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Added by Sandra Nichols on July 23, 2012 at 9:30am — No Comments

Will this emptiness and depression lift from my life?

This has been such a lonely weekend for me. My mom has been gone now 7 months. I"m so sad and the deep depression does not get any better. I try to stay busy but, that doesn't help for 24 hours a day. I"m crying right now and I still feel angry at the cancer institute for the chemotherapy on my mom. I think that doctors don't worry about elderlyl and just give them the treatments without thinking of how fragile they are. I honestly don't know at this point,  how this world can become a good…

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Added by Sandra Nichols on July 1, 2012 at 5:40pm — 7 Comments

8:30 am monday

I had a panic attack and couldn't sleep Sunday night. I should have taken something to sleep but, didn't know it would keep on. I"m so sad today that I can't cry. Sunday was hard. I laid in bed and slept.

As bad as this is, I still don't think I"m facing the reality of you being gone, mom. I so wish you could communicate with me. 

Love,

Sandra

 

Added by Sandra Nichols on June 25, 2012 at 8:37am — No Comments

2:30 pm friday

Hi again mom,

I"m sitting here thinking about the weekend and torn between being glad I can be away from people and worried that I will have a panic attack while I stay in our house all alone.

I"m still praying that you are in a wonderful place, a place you deserve.

I"m still angry at the cancer doctors and think they should have made your treatments a lot less severe. Someday, I may forgive them, but right now I feel lots of anger.

I"m also angry at life in…

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Added by Sandra Nichols on June 22, 2012 at 2:23pm — 2 Comments

6:00 am friday morning

Hi mom,

I sat outside with the lovely flowers and the new hydrangea tree and thought of you mom and how much I love you. I know you would have enjoyed all of the new flowers and trees I've planted but I never seemed to have the time to plant them when you were here. I even laughed a little thinking of some of the fun times we had together... going shopping at WalMart or even going to your eye dr. and the weekend times of sitting on the porch.  The flowers i've planted are gorgeous and…

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Added by Sandra Nichols on June 22, 2012 at 10:02am — No Comments

grief support group needed?

How do you know if you need to go to a grief support group or get a counselor? I don't know what is normal. I barely get to work and then come home and take care of my dog. Sometimes call my sister. I prefer being alone and don't answer the phone unless it is from someone that also has huge losses. - My mom passed November 17, 2011.

Added by Sandra Nichols on January 9, 2012 at 6:59am — 1 Comment

Work

I am sitting here crying but, I have to go to work instead. I sometimes wonder if this happens to others and how they cope?

Added by Sandra Nichols on December 20, 2011 at 6:26am — 5 Comments

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
yesterday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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