November 2015 Blog Posts (20)

Lessons of the Graveyard

Today for my Sunday afternoon outing I went to a graveyard. It must of the been the common thought as many were there, putting Christmas wreaths on their loved ones resting place and other momentos of love.

I drove past two of the grave sites of young people who passed in our small community, a young woman, K,  born 1985 and a young man, B, of 1986. (They died within a year of each other). Both have beautiful markers, with care and love carved on them. The young man even has a mail…

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Added by Jesse's Mom on November 29, 2015 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Why won't any one help me??

Please, please, please!! Why won't  any one help me?? The 20th of this month  is the one year anniversary  of my Jamey being taken  from us, and he still doesn't  have  a  headstone. I have done everything  I  can  but I  admit that I  can't  do it alone. The one I have picked for him and made the non-refundable  down payment is beautiful. It has a picture of him in cameo with a waterfall on black granite. Yes, it's expensive, but why would I give him some cheap thing that just says there's …

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Added by Toni Jones on November 28, 2015 at 9:52am — No Comments

another holiday

god please help me through another dam holiday.  lights every where and I just cry, people shopping and I just cry. x mas shows on t v and again I just cry. how do I get through another x mas with out my son,  to fee so alone so broken and empty.  everyone says im so full of hate, I know I am but theres nothing I can do , its how I feel. everyone says to go out, im getting fed up with hearing it.  my tears fall so easy, so fast.  my heart is dead and will be forever.  if they would just try…

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Added by kim on November 27, 2015 at 6:12pm — 6 Comments

I feel you here.

I feel you here.

Are you really gone?

It's raining, kind of ironic, we buried you today.

Something pulls me, it's a tugging on my heart.

I feel you here, 

are you really gone?

My fingers trail along the rose I hold, tears streak my face.

The sunlight breaks through the trees.

I feel you here, 

are you really gone?

I sense your fingers intertwine with mine, warmth over comes my being.

A breeze whistles…

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Added by Lauri Richards on November 27, 2015 at 10:19am — No Comments

It is helpful.....

It is helpful to be able to talk about the feelings that live within me everyday without feeling like I'm the only one who is experiencing this pain.  

I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness, heartache and all consuming numbness.

Every day, I feel a deep sense of disconnection from the world around me and the people I share it with.  The mere fact that I am writing this in the small hours of the morning, deafened by the ear-splitting…

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Added by Lauri Richards on November 26, 2015 at 8:28pm — 2 Comments

Today marks 1 month since you left

Today marks 1 month since you left us, and things haven't got any easier!!! It still hurts everyday knowing that my love/best friend is gone...

Since you’ve been gone, my world has come to a halt. Food has lost its taste. I hear no rhythm in music. I see no beauty in nature. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My heart feels like it’s being weighed down with a thousand stones.…

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Added by Lauri Richards on November 24, 2015 at 6:08pm — 4 Comments

Not Easy

My 32 year old son died in his sleep 11 years ago.  It does not get easier.  I did not get to say "GOODBYE and I Love You"

Added by Brenda Carlton on November 16, 2015 at 2:43pm — No Comments

No joy in my world

Oh so many months have gone by. I find myself still trying to find blame in the staff at the hospital on the little care giving to my mom. I still get mad that the one nurse had to pick an argument with myself and husband at my moms bedside. I know that would have upset mom .

God I have some days when all these bad thoughts whirl around in my head and then I just end up blaming myself. I miss my mom so much,it makes it hard to live in a world that mom is not in.I feel like I…

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Added by Kim L S on November 16, 2015 at 12:19am — 2 Comments

No, everything is not absolutely okay ...

I have been doing some biofeedback. The software program the University has is very nice. Friday I was listening to a meditation type portion to release physical tension. The recording said, "Everything is absolutely okay right now." I felt a chord get struck immediately and probably within 30 seconds I had tears falling down my checks. No. NO, everything is NOT absolutely okay. This wasn't a shocking revelation to me as I've been saying that all this time but I don't know that I've really…

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Added by rachel_micele on November 15, 2015 at 3:00pm — 12 Comments

Its just that time of the year....

Its been a really long/short 1 year and 11 months...Its coming to the 2 year death date of my boyfriend, and I read on here one day someone asking if the second year was harder than the first, and in my personal opinion I feel the second year is very hard. The first year I spent blocking it out, and yes it was hard as the one year mark hit and i would picture everything i was doing in the previous year with my boyfriend, but this is the second year and as our son is growing, he looks more…

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Added by Amber on November 14, 2015 at 8:32pm — No Comments

God can take the anger, the questions and the doubt. I depend on him even as I rage against him,

I read yesterday that country singer Joey of "Joey and Rory," is going on hospice. She is dying of cancer that she has fought for over a year. I read her story. She has a sweet little girl, I believe 18 months old with downs syndrome. I thought of Joey all night. I thought of her today. I thought of how God said no again to someone deserving of healing. God did not give them a miracle. Joeys husband writes about how they trust the Lord. They believe in miracles. They speak of Gods love and…

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Added by Breanna on November 10, 2015 at 11:30pm — 2 Comments

the pain will never go away

all the stores are getting ready for x mas, god how I hate it. I just don't go out any more. I hate seeing people so happy, I just want to scream. I can feel my tears start falling when im out.  most of the time I just stay im my room, crying wishing I was with my shawn. missing my son so bad. dear god don't make me go through another x mas please.  I just want to be with him, im so ready to go. I feel no one can help me, no one cares my family wont talk to me, my friends are gone, my  son…

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Added by kim on November 10, 2015 at 7:35pm — 3 Comments

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Added by joanne on November 9, 2015 at 4:13pm — 2 Comments

lost my best friend ..my husband.... he was too young too to pass

will I ever have peace in my heart ....ever ?

Added by margaret bullock on November 8, 2015 at 6:06am — 3 Comments

shawn help me through tomorrow

dear god I prayed the fifth would never come.  how can it be 2 years when I remember it like yesterday. I cry everyday, I pray you will come back to me. this hell im living in cant go on much  longer, I miss you so very much and need so bad to hear your voice once more. how can this be  happening how? I want so much to be with you, to hold my baby again. shawn my life is over please take my hand, take me home with you. im so alone, empty. why wont god take me to you, why is he making me…

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Added by kim on November 4, 2015 at 1:56pm — 6 Comments

Somewhere, out there...

I have been thinking of my parents so much, lately. My mom died five years ago, and my dad died four years later, April of last year. They had been divorced for 35 years, remarried to other spouses. Yet as my father lay dying with cancer, he asked me "When did your mother die?" I said "April of 2010". He said, " No, I mean exactly what day?" I said, "The twelfth."   Well, he almost made it till then-- he died April 11, 2014. I believe he was holding on till then, making one last 'connection'…

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Added by Felicia on November 4, 2015 at 12:13am — No Comments

1 1/2 years later.......

It has been a year and a half now since my brother passed away. His name was Brenson, he was 31 years old. As time goes by, the pain doesn't get better, some days it feels worse. The longer time passes without seeing him the more it stings, to know another day has gone by that I haven't seen his face, heard his laugh, gave him a hug, so many things. Every holiday that passes without him makes me feel so empty. People have moved on, they don't know how bad I am still hurting. They don't hear…

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Added by Breanna on November 2, 2015 at 9:19pm — 5 Comments

Halloween

Peace these days seems so fleeting. Just when I think I'm moving through a fairly good day, something happens and I break down, crying uncontrollably. I went through the motions of attending a Halloween pot luck dinner last night. It was going along pretty good until the DJ played a Roy Orbison CD. All the songs my Mom, my brother and I used to sing along to. I couldn't take it. I had to leave. My brother is gone; my Mom is gone. I'm the only one left out of our trio. I miss them both so…

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Added by Regina on November 2, 2015 at 2:19am — No Comments

Poem II.

It´s such a lonely darkest night,
you used to hold me warm and tight,
want you closer a little bit,…
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Added by Janka Huljaková on November 1, 2015 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Reading

In the beginning of this I felt like I was in a nightmare, at times it still feels that way. Now I feel like I'm just in plain hell.

I can't remember for sure what book I read it in and of the books I've read, only one has said this. One of the things needed in grief is to connect to your loved one. I would agree. I've said it before but there is no "moving on". That's what you do in a break up and that was not what happened here. I went ahead with a medium reading this past week as…

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Added by rachel_micele on November 1, 2015 at 12:53am — 3 Comments

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Healing Repetition

An uncle in our family committed suicide.  For five years his wife, Aunt Alice, said the same things over and over again to anyone who would listen.  We are a loving family, so we listened and said the same hopefully comforting things back to her again and again.  And after five years she was done and could move on.  I hope it doesn't take five years, but I need to talk about my Uncle Jim and my cousin Paul and probably repeat myself a lot. It took a long time to develop my relationship with…See More
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If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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Hello, a little bit about me.

Two months ago, my mom committed suicide. As of now, this has to be one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life. I hope that through this forum I may be able to just reach out to someone who can kind of understand what my situation is like.My friends try to talk to me (and I do reach out to them) but I feel that the situation I am in is a really heavy thing to talk about (basically I don't want to rope my friends into my troubles, nor do I want to be a burden to them). I talk to…See More
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The Little Things

This morning there was a crescent moon.  I always called it a "fingernail moon," but my cousin Paul called it a "toenail moon."  I got all choked up seeing it.  Then the Valentine cards are out at Walmart.  He loved all the holidays, and I always sent him cards.  But no more.  More tears to fight back.  Sometimes his love for you would overflow, and he would just have to give you a big hug and tell you that he loved you right then and there.  I have never had anyone else do that for me.  I knew…See More
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