October 2011 Blog Posts (26)

I miss my mom soooo much

My mom passed away December 3, 2010 after fighting cancer for 2 years. When she was diagnosed the cancer was already stage 4. Not knowing what that really meant I looked it up and knew she didn't have much time.Although I knew that I was still in denial up until the day she died.She lived in Ohio and i live in Fl. Looking back now I can see all the signs I should have been picking up on about her illness because she wasn't real honest about how bad it really was either. I know the first 6…

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Added by Angela M. Dyhrberg on October 28, 2011 at 1:47pm — No Comments

Living with this hole in my heart

 

My husband found out 1 year ago that he had colon cancer and it had gone to his liver. We went to the best doctors and he made it through the first big round of chemo in pretty good shape. Then it seemed as though everything they tried went downhill fast. He passed away on 9-30-2011. he wanted to die at home and I honored that request. When he passed away I was bweside him holding his hand. I am so glad that I was with him.  He had been my soul for the last 30 years. As long as I…

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Added by Josie Self on October 27, 2011 at 6:25pm — No Comments

Where Do the Children Play"

Love is the key when we're grieving.

When we hear the words "I Love You", our hearts are instantly lifted!

Troubles disappear, we drop our problems on the floor of our emotional rooms, and we are overjoyed!

That's the power and spiritual healing of Love.

Our loved ones told us they loved us, and maybe said they will love us forever.

I keep finding notes, letters, cards from my wife and mother, all of the I Love You's......

Jami's hand print from when…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on October 27, 2011 at 1:00am — No Comments

Visits from my Dad

So..... I was always interested in the spiritual realm... kind of obsessed with it actually.  However, I never knew 100% sure if it's possible.  I told my father in his last days while he was resting... not completely asleep that he better contact me and my daughter after he is in heaven to let us know he's okay and contact us in some way... via electricity or however! …

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Added by Brandi Bangs on October 26, 2011 at 11:43pm — 3 Comments

Anyone out there that can relate????

My Father passed away 3 months ago from lung cancer. I am having a terrible time dealing with the loss. My situation is a bit different than most. I recently was reunited with my father (almost 4 years ago) after being separated for 40 years. Now with him passing, I feel so lost and shall I say "Jipped"

Added by Kimberly Budrakey on October 26, 2011 at 4:37pm — No Comments

Weary

That's all I feel like I have right now.  Weariness.  I am bone-tired.  Tired of stapling a cheerful smile to my face and living such a ridiculous lie.  It's been a really rotten year, with several different kinds of losses - and then my faith community suddenly lost a beloved member last week.  

 

I feel bad that I feel bad.  I feel bad that this loss seems even more real to me than the loss of my grandmother late last summer.  I wasn't able to travel to see her as often as I…

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Added by Becky M. on October 25, 2011 at 9:30pm — No Comments

This Constant Ache

I lost my Mom on August 16th.  She was a lung cancer survivor who after she retired was able to live out some of her lifes dreams and travel the world.  She became ill in April, with what we all assumed was a pinched nerve, then we were told it was Parkinsons, but not a week before she passed we found out she more than likely had Mad Cow Disease.  What kind of cruel joke was this...my Mom was a go getter after cancer she let nothing stop her.  She was 65 which is young in my book.  This…

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Added by Natalie Butler on October 24, 2011 at 7:30pm — 1 Comment

My cure for constant grief

I think I finally figured out my magic cure for constant, agonizing grief.  It is so simple but I cant have it all the time.  It is my grandchildren.  Last week my youngest grandson who lives 10 minutes from me and is almost 11 called and asked if he could come have a sleepover on the weekend.  He figured it was time to give his mom and dad some peace and quiet.  He is a very very bright, and ever more active little boy.  He has been awarded the academic award every year he has been in school… Continue

Added by anna l. on October 24, 2011 at 2:21am — 1 Comment

Halloween... Or just holidays...

Just the thought of holidays coming make me sad, because he will not be here. It's so hard to believe that he's gone. I keep thinking, randomly, things about him and i don't even remember that he's not here anymore, but then i do and it sends a wave of shocking pain and sadness over me. I hate this... I just want to be better again, but I'd feel bad if i got over it, i know i would. But what else can I do? I know I'll have to be OK again someday... I just don't want it to be now. And the… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on October 23, 2011 at 9:44pm — 1 Comment

This can't be happening...

How could death come in between us and separate us. Maybe, maybe, in my wildest thoughts, maybe a Divorce? but, you would be here for your son 100%. However, things did not turned out that way. I lost you to Murder!. We spent almost 12 years together, so much memories to treasure; I got 12 years;. but our son Sebastian only got 19 months. How is that fair??? 12 years vs. 19 months. This is just not right, this is not what my life was…

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Added by Amanda Ab on October 23, 2011 at 5:30pm — No Comments

Good Grief News

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran

Added by MIchael A Ballard on October 18, 2011 at 3:39pm — No Comments

I miss my Mom!

Hi! I'm new to blogging.  I usually write in my journal, which helps me sort out my feelings.  But since I found this wonderful site, I decided this wasn't a bad idea.

I would like to say I'm glad to be here, but I'm not.  I guess none of us are, but we need each other to get through the bad times.

I'm her because I lost my dear mother a year and a half ago from Ovarian Cancer and I am still coming to terms with her death.  Part of the reason why is because her death was so…

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Added by Ilana Rabone on October 17, 2011 at 2:53pm — 2 Comments

Another Love note from Jami popped up today

I wonder how many more love notes I will find from my wife Jami.

Today another one popped up and it was from around last Christmas and it read.

"Have a great day today love, and I will miss you my love.

I Love you my Dolly!"

It choked me up for several minutes.  I took some deep breaths, sat down, and I got this overall

positive feeling.  It was so very uplifting.  I sat and just spoke out the words, "I love you too Jami".

More than the memories, and…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on October 16, 2011 at 11:00pm — No Comments

Good Grief News Alert from GGNN (Good Grief News Network)

Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.

--Michael Ballard your friendly GGNN Reporter on the move every hour on the hour with the latest GGNN News!

This message was pre-recorded because it was impossible to record it afterwards.......

Added by MIchael A Ballard on October 14, 2011 at 10:25pm — No Comments

Happy Birthday Strawberry Field Jami

My wife Jami's birthday was yesterday, 10-13-11.

Our son Nicholas and me didn't have a cake, we had her favorite, M&M cookies.

It was somewhat of a difficult day but not really!  It was more of a challenge.  A challenge to be brave, courageous, and committed to getting through it (her birthday) I made it a goal when today arrived to celebrate this day, no matter how difficult it was, the way she would want us to.  And…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on October 14, 2011 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Hello Everyone

I am sorry any of us have a reason to be here, but even still, I am very grateful to know there is a community available like this online.

I am here to be able to connect with anyone who has or is undergoing a sudden, traumatic loss. Also, I hope to help myself work through my own guilt. I know, deep down, I shouldn't feel guilty, but it is sticking with me. I hope being here can help…

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Added by Loon on October 13, 2011 at 9:27pm — No Comments

Looking For Help

I just joined the group and am a 79 year old widower who lost his wife 10 months ago. After attending Hospice one-on-one counseling as well as group counseling (they did help me at the time), I sometimes feel like I'm slipping back into deep sadness and depression at times. I can't make it through a whole day without falling apart a few times. After 54 years of marriage, it's very hard to live alone. I notice there doesn't seem to be a group for older widowed people so I'm entering my blog…

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Added by Bob Meeker on October 12, 2011 at 10:28am — 3 Comments

Thanksgiving

Well today was the day after our Thanksgiving weekend.  At first I didnt think I could handle hosting the dinner knowing my husband wouldnt be at the head of the table, and who would carve the turkey.  Not to mention that our sons place would be empty again too.  He died March 2010.  First our daughter and her family called and they wouldnt be coming home this year for financial reasons.  They got a little behind during Toms illness with all the trips back and forth and then our daughter stayed… Continue

Added by anna l. on October 12, 2011 at 2:01am — No Comments

Writting What I Can't Say Aloud

 

It's been almost 15 weeks since my Mom passed away.

I have so many thoughts constantly running through my head. Some days I feel crazy. I can't, or don't talk about what I'm feeling. To anyone. No one understands, so why worry or burden them with my horror stories? Which is what my life feels like; One big never ending horror…

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Added by Cindi B on October 11, 2011 at 6:45pm — 1 Comment

still so confused

My twelve year old daughter died june 23 2011. It was a very traumatic death i watched her bleed to death out of her mouth we did cpr but i felt so helpless! I still feel like shes gonna walk the front door.though i know thats not going to happen. It feels like just yesterday that everything happened i have visions constantly about that day the horrible sounds that came when i gave her breath n all the blood i have never seen so much blood. The look my daughter gave me before passing out i cant… Continue

Added by mandy jean webster on October 11, 2011 at 12:50pm — 4 Comments

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