Just watch a video of a Marine drill team and it made me think of my son when he was graduating from boot camp. He called me a few weeks before hand to tell me the details. I was at work when I received the call and all I could do was cry I had not talked to him in weeks and I was so very proud of my son. He kept trying to tell me directions and I told him I would figure it out just tell me how you are. He later told me that he almost got in trouble from his drill Sargent because I was…

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I haven't been on here in a little while. I'm not sure why. I've been having a really hard time lately, and for what reason, I'm not really sure why either. In about 2 months, it will be a full year since my mom passed away. I've been at the same job for a few years now, and they were amazing to me when I went through my mom's sickness and death. But I'm not happy there. But for whatever reason, I can't seem to find another job. I lived with my parents through college to save money, and…

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wen my dad woz alive he usd 2 alllwayz joke abot a man on a moon he did we wud ask if we had bean out any 1 bean? he wud say man on a moon 

wear r u goign wen he woz ok ?

im going 2 sea a man on a moon 

so i set my slf a chanlge 2 tk a foto of a moon but still cudnt find a man on a moon …

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Oh man, so much at once... My stomach is in knots, I'm always on the verge of tears. I don't want this to be real, I just don't want this to be real. On the outside I still maintain a positive attitude and good work ethic and I try to bring that inward, but I'm collapsing inside. 

Yesterday I was asked to help make a page for my brother in the yearbook. We were in all the same classes since kindergarten, but I left our old school after he died. His empty chair was next to me…

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On october 18 it will be my friend, Matts, 1st angelversary. Can't believe it has been a year since that terrible day. I remember everything like it were yesterday. Hearing the call go down on the scanner, looking up the address and going completely pale realizing that it was matt, going to jenni's to break the news to her, going to be with deidre and talk to/console her. Wow. 

Holidays are coming up and that is when I miss my friends and family the most. Holidays are the time of year…

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Another year since my father has been gone will be creeping up again. For everyone else it will be just a normal day they are trying to get through, but not me, it’s another year without my dad around. It should get easier as every passing year goes by but it doesn't for me, it just reminds me of all the things I didn't get to do with my father. It reminds me that I've been cheated out of having a semi normal life. The demons I’m battling are so big it’s hard not to have them going through…

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My baby Sister passed away in Aug in a terrible car accident less than 2 months after she escaped an abusive relationship. The heartbreak of losing her just after she regained freedom and happiness was bad enough. Now the "abuser' s" court case was just dropped because she passed away. It breaks my heart that she won't get justice and that he is free to do it again to another woman. 

I have been working at the daycare for a month now! Yipeee! I wipe snotty noses, clean poopy butts, and stop little one's from throwing toys! I have to say, I LOVE It! Today the babies were having a rough day. I think they are teething. Anyway they were so cuddly and just wanted to be held, and loved today, so that's what they got! I have surly surprised myself. I honestly didn't think I could love like that again, let alone love someone else's children. Surprise, Surprise! One little girl…

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2 years ago, I bought pizza. We watched movies. Me, mom and tita.

A year ago, I brought pasta and chicken. We watched soaps. Me and mom.

Today. I bought ice cream. And i stare at my monitor. It's just me now.

I miss celebrating my birthday with you both.

The teasing, the second and third serving of our favorite treats, giving our own theories on the movie plots, sleeping in the middle of the film and having to catch up, cheering for the handsome character. I miss you both...…

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This should be getting easier, right? Why am I so numb? I believe it happened, sometimes. How can he not be here? I was supposed to see him this week. I was looking forward to just spending time with him. He can't be gone.

Ive been thinkuing , there is , actually are many dreams and plans dan and I had, other day I started thinking about one of them, actually Ive been thinking about doing it for years..off and on, never has seemed to be the  right time.. still isnt but Im hoping in a couple yrs to be healed enough..I want to adopt an older child. a girl, a teen ager.. alot to workout and learn and think about but...please pray or think good thoughts....for me on this...Im doing alot of reasearch.

I am no longer scared to die. Why would I be? My 15 year old sister walked the veil into the other world in a day, bravely. I can do it too. And I will. Death is a part of life. You can't escape it. We are all dieing. It's not depressing. It's not 'taboo'. It's the cycle of life. 

I believe what someone believes they will see/experience when they die is what happens to them. No one is right and none are wrong. If you believe you will live eternity in the clouds partying with your…

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all i no death sucs it duze 

i wishet thr woz no death thn we wud be all happpy again

This week I will officially be out of the teen years and turn 20 years old and I have to say a revelation came upon me and I can’t believe I have actually made it to 20. There has been many times where I’ve wanted to just give up and not continue because life has not been so easy for me to say the least. The of the main things that consume me the deaths of my parents to not have them here for me is just tremendously hard. I think about them every day and wonder if they would be proud of…

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Even though it's been a few years now, I still feel the ache of losing my mother, especially around her birthday every August. This year, as a gift to myself, I decided to contact a psychic channeler to see if I could connect with her. This channeler was amazing and knew all about my mom, even bringing up a horse my mother had owned as a young girl! It brought me so much peace to know my mom was okay, and I plan to make this an annual event. If anyone else is open to connecting with their…

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Sept 1 st was my son 4 month passing day. I set curled in a ball all weekend

Not wanting to move are get out of bed this weekend seems I don't want to love at the first of each month now since I lost Matt on may 1st 13. I did get upset with his fiancée when she called me Sat. Night drunk telling me the guy we suspect either shot my Son

Up with the drug that kid him tripping our hat that nite I was totally up set because she forced our hand now we were gather as much info b4 going to… Continue

Good afternoon to all of you.  I just wanted to say i pray I  haven't said anything that has step on anyone toes.  I'm new to your group and it is in no way I'm trying to offended anyone at all.  So if i have plesae let me know so I won't do it again  Thank you Judy Edwards  

At the end of the month it will be a year since you past. I am stronger and yet often I find myself on the edge of a cliff. There are still loose ends to tie up with the financial end of things. It's a shame so much energy has gone to that part of your life/death when all I wanted to do was grieve. I told you that would be that way - you made it so there wasn't anytime to grieve. I was and in many ways still in survival mode. You didn't want to have a will - you didn't want to make decisions…

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