August 2011 Blog Posts (76)

EXHAUSTED AND OVERWHELMED

I'm so exhausted. I feel like that's all I ever say anymore. Just wiped out. I don't want to take care of my house, or the bills, or the laundry, or take my kids to their appts, or try to keep up appearances so that others aren't put out. I want some time to absorb and digest this. To freak the hell out without scaring my other kids. I'm tired of my husband staring at me or being rude to me b/c I'm not "acting like I'm happy". He's always watching me, he's either angry b/c I've got my game…

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Added by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 31, 2011 at 9:26pm — No Comments

My Story

My name is Don and this is my first post here. I lost my wife of 20 years last January to cancer. She battled it for 2 years. I tried to prepare myself in advance for this but I guess I didn't do such a good job because I still fell apart. I went to Griefshare and thought it helped. Then lately I feel like I have been going backwards instead of forwards. I had a vacation in July and just stayed home. I had too much time to think and remember and it turned out really lousy. I never thought I…

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Added by Donald A. Hahn on August 31, 2011 at 4:05am — No Comments

The Bird

I was watching a bird yesterday.  He was on the pavement at a Bucky's store parking lot looking for scraps to eat.  

The poor thing had one leg up in his belly feathers, and was doing really well hopping around on

the one good leg.  I must have watched him for around ten minutes.

It struck me, this bird can fly away anytime, and be free of having only one useful leg. 

Then I thought about my grief, how it has attempted to disable me, depress me, and deprive…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on August 30, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments

Ugh-where are my rights??

I am so pissed off. I went all the way down to the courthouse today *45 minutes away* b/c there was supposed to be a hearing for the boy who procured the alcohol for my nephew and son. But when I got there it had been postponed, and they had made that decision 4 days ago. When I asked why I wasn't informed, I was told that as I wasn't a subpeoned witness they weren't obligated to tell me when pre-trial motions are changed, postponed or the like. It infuriated me. I spent the last 2 days and… Continue

Added by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 29, 2011 at 8:03pm — No Comments

My Son, My Dreams, My Loss

I am lonely for you, for your laughter and the music of your life

the painted days of of summer have moved on and left you behind

soon there will be a change in the seasons and I am scared

I cry as if I'm going to split and your loss is as though I've had an amputation

 

The phantom of memories I ache to touch but there is nothing

I lay across my bed and weep my tears into my arms

where as a baby I rocked you in them and comforted…

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Added by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 29, 2011 at 7:26pm — No Comments

No Words for Me

I believe there are no words to explain what your death has done to me

and how it's altered my life in one fell swoop, changing everything

taking everything I ever knew and trusted and shattering it to the cement

all of my reason and understanding scattered under the immovable parts of reality

 

I once believed and even knew each day I'd waken to all of my children

laughing, speaking, yelling, screaming, crying, hoping, dreaming

at one time I…

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Added by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 29, 2011 at 6:23pm — No Comments

GRIEF

G - igantic

R - edundant

 I  - ntense

E - xhaustive

F - eeling

Added by MIchael A Ballard on August 29, 2011 at 1:53pm — 1 Comment

Together

My goal for us all is to make it a good week!!  Let's all do it together!

It's great to have you all to be in touch with!  Don't you wish time would hurry so the grief could lift.

Time goes fast, but with grief it seems so slow.

Thank you all, you all inspire me and help me to get motivated.

Michael

Added by MIchael A Ballard on August 29, 2011 at 9:55am — No Comments

Memories.

Today I have been going through pictures.. I've started a scrapbook.. I keep looking for Dad's pictures just to see his smile.. I miss how he would give me a grin when Mom would get after him for something.. Or when I would do something stupid just to make him laugh.. I miss walking through the door and hearing him say my name making sure it was me coming in. Mom has made us go through his things and move everything out of his bedroom and it kills me. I wanted to keep it for a little while…

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Added by Tracie Jane Knipp on August 29, 2011 at 1:00am — No Comments

I feel so guilty for the choice I made </3

I haven't been on much, it gets to be overwhelming along with everything else. I think about writing and I'm exhausted...but I need to. Just for a minute. I am tired of feeling this way everyday, all day. Waking up to it, going to bed with it. I want my life back. I miss Johrdan and I can't wrap my mind around it. I've come to a point where now I think of his cremation a lot. I'm realizing that it's having a larger impact on my life than I first thought. He was killed on Monday, June 20, 2011.… Continue

Added by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 28, 2011 at 12:41pm — 1 Comment

How can I help?

A poem I wrote a few months ago when a friend was at a loss how to help, unfortunately she is not in contact with me now, she couldn't watch me in pain. I know its hard to see someone you love in pain.

How can I help?

Sometimes the right words are hard to find

but its ok to listen, I don't mind

sometimes its hard to know what to do

but you know, its just good to be with you…

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Added by Babs on August 27, 2011 at 2:36pm — No Comments

My near death experience

I know that a lot of you have lost loved ones to tragedies like my experience nearly was and must have wondered how your loved ones felt if they knew they were going to die. I guess maybe everyones reactions may be different but felt to share my story and how I felt when I knew I was going to die. I hope it may help in some way.

When I was 11 I was out at sea with my dinghy when a massive freak wave came towards me, I wasn't sure what to do whether to try and ride it or try and get to…

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Added by Babs on August 27, 2011 at 11:09am — No Comments

HOw I am doing today

Today I fel the loss of you greatly. It is hard to imagine that you are not here. When I wake up, it takes a moment to realize I will never see you again. It's hard to know that I can not share my day and get your loving answers and support that I so looked forward to. Today, I felt more like joining you than ever. They say I may not go to the same place that you are, but the emptiness and lonliness that you left behind are almost too much to bear. I do not have many people I can share with my… Continue

Added by Ronna Doescher on August 27, 2011 at 3:12am — 1 Comment

A poem to the lost

The twilight of your years has come to soon for it is not even barely fall.

The life you have lived has had so much experience that god must have said you have done enough and brought you home

Although your day to day suffering and pain have gone the pain and emptiness yoiu leave behind is much more than you could have imagined.

You leave behind those who loved and cherished you, but I know that in some way you are watching over us, trying your best to comfort us especially in… Continue

Added by Ronna Doescher on August 27, 2011 at 3:00am — No Comments

Suffering suffering, go away, Come again another day

We are not here to suffer, we were not put here to suffer, so let the light shine in and shine on you and your families and your lives!   I believe our loved ones are in the sunshine, in the rain, in the air, and just basically in nature.  They have become a greater and more beautiful part of this world, part of us all!

Life is a continuous process...it never ends!

And Psssst...I'll let you in on a little secret!  They stop by in your dreams, speak to you, caress you, and out…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on August 26, 2011 at 7:00pm — No Comments

To My Grandma And Everyone Who Lost A love One....


If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

Added by Crystal (BluSkyy) on August 25, 2011 at 11:15pm — No Comments

This is for all the Mothers that lost there child...



I miss my Mommy oh so much

But I visit her each day

When she goes to sleep

On her pillows where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

And whisper in her ear

Mommy don't be sad today

I'm your baby and I am here"



So you see my dear sweet one

Your children are okay

Your babies are here in My home

And this is where they'll stay

They'll wait for you with Me

Until your lessons are through

And on the day you come…

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Added by Crystal (BluSkyy) on August 25, 2011 at 11:11pm — No Comments

GOD SAID....

AND GOD SAID



I said, "God, I hurt."

And God said, "I know."



I said, "God, I cry a lot."

And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."



I said "God, I am so depressed."

And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."



I said, "God, life is so hard."

And God said, "That is why I gave you loved…

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Added by Crystal (BluSkyy) on August 25, 2011 at 10:50pm — 1 Comment

First days of school have come and gone...

The very first day, yesterday, was normal. Not too bad, not the greatest. A few people noticed my tattoo and said how they were sorry about it, etc, and some friends saw it for the first time in person and just wordlessly gave my a hug. I went and saw one of his teachers, saw one of my teachers that I unexpectedly left last year a week before school was over and talked to her a bit, that was the only time that day that there was any danger of crying, but i made it through without a drop, and… Continue

Added by Kelly Husak on August 25, 2011 at 1:14am — 3 Comments

A poem for Jami

I live each day with you in my heart

and you're always on my mind

All of my happy thoughts of you

Help to lighten up the grind

I look at grief, then I look at you

and can see it's not so bad

This grief doesn't even measure up

to all the good times we had

I keep a big umbrella

It opens up like wings

They fly me to a far away place

Where I can see all things

I close my eyes and see a light

That makes me…

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Added by MIchael A Ballard on August 24, 2011 at 1:39pm — No Comments

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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
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Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
Kali joined Cathy Richardson's group
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Being the Other Woman/Other Man

This is for anyone who has lost their lover to death and you were the other woman/other man in their life. We have to grieve in silence. I can't find any support groups and feel like I'm the only one going through this situationSee More
Sep 25
Profile IconKali and Bridget Baker joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 25

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