June 2016 Blog Posts (21)

Don't want this any more

I don't want this pain anymore, I feel like I can't breath without him yet I do, I don't want to face another yet I drag myself out of bed,I don't want anymore memories because he won't be apart of them anymore. I feel so empty I have tried more tears than I thought possible, I did not deserve him yet I was blessed to have him for 26 years he was my world and now he's gone I feel like nothing matters I don't want this anymore.

Added by Robin on June 28, 2016 at 7:20pm — 2 Comments

Neutral

Yesterday, I had to pick up copies of George's death certificates and it totally devastated me. It did not bother me when I received the copies, I pretended that it did not bother me because I put the copies face down in the back of the car and did not look at them until later that night. I have not read the whole certificate but after I skimmed it looking at the cause of death I fell apart but I forced myself to hold it together until I started sobbing while watching TV with our daughter. I…

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Added by Denise on June 25, 2016 at 6:50am — 4 Comments

After watching an amazing short film "Paper Memories", Google search for it,...it's worth it! Especially for us!

I wrote this after watching "Paper Memories". Nothing spectacular, the poem not the film, but after rummaging through some photos of my own, Nancy and I, I could see a sort of parallel.

Oh, But could an old photograph or two bless these, our weary souls that worry still.. and then extinguish all breath which remains to place us at last, together again.

Added by Mel Royer on June 23, 2016 at 11:00am — No Comments

Today is not a good one

Today I have not been able to move. I have moved through my house, and have been on the deck but not out to interact with others and I think that it is necessary for me to get outside and speak to or see anyone other than my children. Today is so hard. My body aches and feels like lead, I know that these feelings will come and go and they have over the past few days, but today the cloud is lingering longer than usual and I am afraid if I let it take hold I will never be able to get out from…

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Added by Denise on June 22, 2016 at 1:29pm — 1 Comment

Father's Day 2016

So today it is Father's Day. My first one without my dad. It's been a very emotional day and to say the least I have cried a lot.

Added by Paige Thaxter on June 19, 2016 at 6:03pm — No Comments

Just not sure what to do or say anymore.

I don't get it. I have lost so many people in my life. everyone says it get easier. But how are you to grief the lost of one person but then have to turn around and grief someone else. I lost my dad in Feb. 2012, Then I lost a cousin in Oct. 2012 due to a car wreck. She was just a little younger than me. It was hard because she was so young and left 2 lil boys behind. But when I finally excepted my…

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Added by Traci Ann on June 19, 2016 at 11:18am — 4 Comments

A week of to many emotions!

Sunday 6-11 was my dad's first birthday that I couldn't spend with him! I held his urn most of the day and cried. Yesterday the truck he left me after passing had problems and is currently not running...I felt like I let him down. :( This Sunday is the first Fathers day I wont have him...I dont know how to get through any of this!

Added by Jessica Guilford on June 16, 2016 at 11:20pm — 1 Comment

Poem III.

​I don´t want to cry tonight,
I have the reason to be in right,
you came to me two days ago,
I felt a shiver up to toe.…
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Added by Janka Huljaková on June 15, 2016 at 8:05pm — No Comments

Things you realize

As I went through paperwork today I find it amazing that our whole life fits in a box.our births .our marriage the birth of our son a lifetime of memories all neatly plaCed in a box .. I cried while I went through those papers as memories flooded my mind memories of happiness and sadness .. Our life ..now I need to start a new box for our new life as I systematically remove u from it all and with each thing I do the hole in my soul gets bigger and bigger ..I don't want a new box with new things… Continue

Added by CindyA on June 14, 2016 at 9:47pm — No Comments

Asking the impossible to know questions

How long do you grieve for your someone?

How long is too long?

How is it that I feel so empty, as in no feeling. Dead inside?

I want to move on, but what steps to take?

Counseling ever actually work for anyone????

Why don't I FEEL him? He promised me he would watch over me. He's not.

Where are those doors that are supposed to be opening up for me?

Will I be able to move on and love again?

will it be any good or will I always compare…

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Added by kathleen akin on June 14, 2016 at 5:30pm — No Comments

Where is my peace

I don't understand.. I want to find peace from all this sorrow. Everyone says how strong I am but do I really have a choice?? I miss my husband my mother my grandparents and brother all gone but yet somehow I remain here. I think to myself everyday why .. Why am I here .. Am I meant to suffer like this forever .. There are holes in my soul for every love that I have lost and now my husband .. My protector the one person that I never thought I would lose . I really thought I'd die before him ..… Continue

Added by CindyA on June 13, 2016 at 9:54pm — 1 Comment

a life time

shawn my beautiful son, it feels like a life time since I heard your voice , seen your smile heard your laughter. please shawn come to my dreams, let me know you are happy and with grandma, let me know you are still here with me, my tears sting my hearts broken.  take my hand shawn I want to go with you please baby please. I need you always and forever I love you  mom

Added by kim on June 13, 2016 at 7:19pm — No Comments

Your Nursery

I started taking down some of my son's belongings.  He never got to come home from the NICU, so we have this perfectly set up and charming nursery in our home.  It is a place I go to honor him, love him, look over his unworn clothes and cry for him.  

It came to me on Saturday that I was ready to start this.  I didn't want to change much, just remove some baby items off of shelves and put away packaged gifts that were not going to be opened.  I filled up two new plastic bins and was…

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Added by Wyatt's Mom on June 12, 2016 at 11:22pm — No Comments

why

everyday and night I ask shawn why he left me here alone, why did god not give you a second chance, I never get an answer. I don't want to be here anymore, not without my son. this pain never stops, never ends, to live like this is not living, I want to smile, laugh and I never will till im with him, god please make it soon, all I do is cry, hurt like I have never hurt before. why baby did you leave me, I need you always have always will. I keep waiting for you to come home, come back to me…

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Added by kim on June 11, 2016 at 7:29pm — 2 Comments

What would you say?

A few nights ago I was watching the show ‘Catfish’. Im not sure if you’ve seen it before but its basically two guys whom get together to investigate and find out if people are who they really say they are over the internet.  The episode I was watching was a little different than the usual guy or girl trying to figure out if their internet significant other is really who they say they are.  This episode featured a young woman who said she had been contacted by a woman claiming to make contact…

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Added by Alin Tooby on June 6, 2016 at 6:50pm — 1 Comment

I miss my mom so much

My mom past away 5 years ago, 6 years in october. It wasn't something anyone would ever expect. Cancer wasn't found or treated in time..



I just want to talk to her again. I want her advice and comfort. It gets hard now when It sinks in that she will never meet my girlfriend, she won't be there at my wedding, I'll never have the chance to treat her like she deserved and hang out like we should be doing. I just know we'd get on so well now I'm older, she was always the one I'd talk to… Continue

Added by Corey on June 6, 2016 at 10:30am — 2 Comments

What I Should Be Doing

I went to watch the UFC fights last night.  In the middle of it all, the bar food and cheap beer...I couldn't stop thinking of my son.  It was loud and everybody was smiling and having a good time; distracted with what was on every large screen T.V.  I kept thinking about how I should have been at home with him, how I should not have been there at a musty bar with friends.  I didn't want to drag my husband down with me and my thoughts, so I went outside and cried for Wyatt.

I should…

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Added by Wyatt's Mom on June 5, 2016 at 5:04pm — 1 Comment

Remembering hurts

Went on Facebook today and someone shared a memory, which was a video of Billy.  In it Billy is being Billy. Seeing it should have brought a smile to my face seeing him and hearing his voice, but instead it was like a knife being twisted in my heart and gut. Seeing it brought back all the happy memories, but that only caused more pain and sadness. Seeing that video basically ruined my day and put me into a funk. I don't get it. Why didn't it make me happy. It gave me a chance to see him,…

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Added by Steph on June 3, 2016 at 10:29am — 3 Comments

Heartbroken

I was hoping to find others who have lost a spouse so i could talk about the loss of my husband. What I have learned is that only those who have lost a spouse knows how I feel. Before I could only imagine how it would feel. Now I know the deep pain, the overwhelming feel of broken and alone. I truly miss my Neil every moment of the day. It's been 5 weeks and it gets harder each day.

Added by Mary on June 3, 2016 at 1:59am — 13 Comments

Want to heal but scared of losing his face in my mind

I lost my husband two weeks ago, I know everyone is going through the hurt and pain I feel and I wish we weren't he was only 47 and I know face half my life alone, we were always considered the couple that would not make it I was always quiet and he was the wild one but we proved everyone wrong 26 years later I sit her broken, I don't want to feel angry at the world or sad everyday my worst fear is waking up one day and not seeing his face in my mind like I do today I know you can't change the… Continue

Added by Robin on June 2, 2016 at 6:09am — 5 Comments

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