June 2011 Blog Posts (22)

Anniversaries

I'm just 2 weeks away from turning 25. I never looked this far into my future, to be honest. I only looked as far as 24 and had that whole year planned. Lots of things came to be as planned, except all the unexpected deaths in the family. But along with my Uncle's passing soon after my 24th birthday, my grandmother passing in May and I can only think of July. It is not a big month for my family in the least. It is my birthday month, but not looking this far forward I feel as if I have…

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Added by Krystal Miller on June 30, 2011 at 12:27am — No Comments

Strength

One of the things that'd bothered me a fair amount in the last while was hearing people say, "you're so strong!"  They seem surprised that I'm still getting up in the morning, going to work, getting my bills (eventually) paid, and so on.  The initial reaction was always wanting to scream back, 'Are you NUTS???  Do you have any idea what this all FEELS like?  How in the Hell can you think I'm strong when I'm still so hurt and confused and lost so much of the time?!!"  I certainly don't feel…

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Added by Sean Casey on June 29, 2011 at 7:42pm — 3 Comments

Feel dead and lifeless

Since my husband passed away on 1/6/09 I realized the other day, I don't smile, I don't laugh and I sure don't feel. I don't feel happiness. But I can say, when I start to think about him, I feel pain and the tears come and don't want to stop.

I watch tv.and if its supposed to be funny. I don't think it is. I changed everything that I used to do right down to the type of music I listen to.

I feel sometimes, I just don't know how to be me without him.

 

 

Added by Diane Grell on June 29, 2011 at 4:49pm — No Comments

Death of my spouse

My husband and best friend of 53 years passed away on June 12, 2011.  This is all so very new to me.  I started a journal and have written 35 pages so far.  That is helping me get my thoughts out of my mind and down on paper.  I thought the worst day of my life was the day he died but relized the worst days started the next day when I could no longer physically touch him.  Can write any more right now.  Will get back to this later.  My sincere condolances to all who have lost a loved one.

Added by Flo Droll on June 29, 2011 at 11:22am — No Comments

almost one month since you passed

can't believe its been almost a month since my mom passed. i still think about the day she died, every single day. i relive her funeral in my mind every day. ill never forget her face the day she died, its engraved in my brain. i miss her more and more with every passing day. i have been told this gets 'easier' but never really goes away; i am not feeling this is getting easier at all. i miss you so much mom. love you forever XXXX

Added by chrissy m on June 25, 2011 at 11:56am — 1 Comment

Happy 20th Birthday

17th June 2011 Happy 20th Birthday Jacob How I wished you were here to celebrate with us I love you Jakey Michael Birthday wishes being sent heaven bound oxoxox always your mum

Added by Jacob Michael scott McLeod-Steinmetz on June 17, 2011 at 6:00am — No Comments

6 Years in Heaven

16th June 2011 will be 6 years since our Jacob left us .. closed his eyes and flew to heaven our beautiful brave boy ... it's so hard to believe that he has been gone for 6 years .. it still feels like it was just yesterday .I miss his smile ,his laugh ,his smell  I miss all our little chats ,watching him play sport hearing his stories listening to music .. there is so much I miss ..6 years is such a long time to not be able to hold your…

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Added by Jacob Michael scott McLeod-Steinmetz on June 16, 2011 at 5:00pm — No Comments

just so angry

honestly this website dont work for me on this case but atleast i get to write even if no one ever writes back. i feel so alone at times that i just feel likemy heart is so swollen becaause all the pain thats in it. i dont really have much comunication with my family its like they moved on so quick from what happened to my mom the last time i went to p.r. just to see her grave no one wanted to take me to the cementary and i havent been able to earn enough money to go back to see her and its… Continue

Added by steacy del valle on June 16, 2011 at 9:02am — 3 Comments

Difficulty Being Happy

I got some good news today at work:  I got a raise.  It's a decent amount more, and will go quite a ways to alleviate some of the stress I've had about money in the last few months since Ariel killed herself.  I still don't know if it's enough to let me hang on to the house, but at least it means I don't have to rush quite so much to get out of here.  That's good news.

 

What was strange was that when I saw it, there wasn't the upwelling of happiness or joy I'd have expected. …

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Added by Sean Casey on June 16, 2011 at 12:11am — No Comments

Tequila to open Gran's funeral

http://spiritspout.blogspot.com/2011/06/tequila-to-open-grans-funeral.html

 

This morning I awoke and felt uncomfortable. I'd taken a Lunesta sleeping pill so that I'd be able to sleep and not be an entire wreck at Gran's funeral. An unfortunate side effect of such a pill is often a nasty, bitter taste in one's mouth. I brushed my teeth twice, but I couldn't get rid of it, so I just…

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Added by Dylan Ishmael on June 15, 2011 at 1:37am — No Comments

Salt to my wounds

Well it has been awhile since I have posted or even visited my page.  My Grandfather passed away the end of April.  Although his passing was somewhat expected and almost a relief to end his suffering, I found this to be a particularly hard time. While there to help plan a funeral and grieve for my Grandfather, I found myself re-openning the wounds that plagued me the month before. Everything from entering the house where my father lived to seeing his clothes still hanging up was a continual… Continue

Added by Marian Johnson on June 11, 2011 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Back Into Reality

So next week, I fly out to LA to visit my mom and sister in the home, and celebrate Father's Day with Dad's best friend. He told me he never celebrated father's day before, and I told him, that now that's Dad gone, we will now start. As his honorary daughters, this is what we do. :) 

 

I'm both excited to see everyone, but also, dreading it. Dreading stepping into the house, as the last visit was horrible, upsetting, devastating. The house and home that I grew up in was cold,…

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Added by Elke on June 11, 2011 at 3:44pm — No Comments

My Blog

I've started this to express my grief over losing my 48 year-old mom: http://spiritspout.blogspot.com/

xo D

Added by Dylan Ishmael on June 8, 2011 at 9:47pm — 2 Comments

Is This Denial?

After my father passed, I went home and all my friends were telling me that I might be in shock. It certainly didn't feel like it. Every memory, both good and bad was etched in front of my eyes 24/7.  It seemed like I felt everything, and a lot of it wasn't good. But now time has passed,and I find myself thinking he's still here. That all I have to do is just pick up the phone when I get home from work and call him.  He'll be there. This thought is on my mind all day...until i get home and…

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Added by Elke on June 7, 2011 at 4:59pm — 2 Comments

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