May 2011 Blog Posts (27)

First Birthday Alone

Well, I made it through my first birthday without Ariel in 15 years.  Overall it went pretty well. I started the day with something for Memorial Day I'd heard from a lady at the support group I attended last Wednesday.  I went to the store, got a helium balloon, wrote some things to Ariel on it, and let it go into the sky.  I like that symbolism a lot better than writing a letter and burning it.  It was hard in some ways and had me crying more than once.  However, it did feel like a way to…

Continue

Added by Sean Casey on May 30, 2011 at 11:07pm — 1 Comment

My daughter's marker

I've been waiting for over a year for your marker and now it's here.  The weekend didn't go as I had planned but I guess it doesn't matter since I can't see you, to hear you, to hug you, to tell you how much I love and miss you.  It's been 14 months and it still feels like yesterday.  I doubt this heart of mine will ever heal, not until we are re-united.  xxooxx

Added by Pam Brooks on May 30, 2011 at 10:16pm — No Comments

Today was a good day

I don't know really happened today as I traveled to Omaha for work but today was a better day than yesterday.  I can think about my loss and still want to cry but it didn't happen half as much as yesterday. I have offered kind words to others and I believe my Lisa would appreciate that. She was always willing to help others in need even when she suffered from her disease.  I wonder now who will take care of me the way she did whenever I got sick or didn't feel well.   I hope to find solace…

Continue

Added by David A on May 27, 2011 at 8:30pm — No Comments

a bad day

On June 28th 2011 it will be the 10th anniversary of my mom's death and I have more grief today then I had when she first died. I was numb for along time after she died and I just didn't know how to feel. I dread this anniversary because it will finally hit home for me that she is gone and she will never come back. I miss her every day and I am angry at the cancer that took her life. I just have been so emotionally numb and I just haven't dealt with it as I should have. I am so jealous of… Continue

Added by Paige Lovelace on May 27, 2011 at 5:39pm — No Comments

What is That Feeling?

A client and dear friend visited me at the salon last week. We're talking and sharing stories of our fathers and what they meant to us.. as I'm walking home from work, I feel this weird sensation. It takes me awhile to figure it out.  Finally I realize; that it's happiness. I feel happy. I don't know why. No rhyme or reason.  But I feel like I'm flying, it feels so good. Then I realize it's been sooo very long since I felt that.…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 26, 2011 at 2:30pm — 5 Comments

God & Jason please forgive me... for I feel I have failed and sinned.

Anger: Be Honest About Your Feelings
Day 71
 
No matter where your anger is directed, you must be honest about what you are feeling.…
Continue

Added by Julie Ann Finch on May 26, 2011 at 1:02pm — No Comments

Reminders

Last night I got to talk to the lady from the grief support group that I'd been put in contact with as a mentor.  I hadn't talked with her in several weeks, and it was good getting to catch up.  The first part of the conversation was just checking in, how I'm doing with work, with sleep, with eating, and so on.  She seemed to think I'm doing pretty well with the day-to-day stuff right now.  I'll take her word for it, as it sure diesn't feel like it to me right now.

 

Where it…

Continue

Added by Sean Casey on May 24, 2011 at 10:21pm — 4 Comments

Nothing Ever Stays The Same

I'm fine with going through whatever I have to go through. I almost don't mind the pain and sadness because I'm thinking of my father and how much I miss him. But what I can't get through is how everything changes, in as little as a day, an hour, a minute.

 

One day, I'm looking at his photo and I love it.. brings me comfort..his smile makes me smile.

The next day, the exact same photo and I'm in so much pain looking at it that I can't bare to look at…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 23, 2011 at 5:30pm — 1 Comment

Oh where did you go

I used to have a picture of my late wife that was printed at a photo booth. It was a head shot and she was looking slightly up as if she was looking to the sky.  I sue to carry that picture with me as I traveled across this country in my semi-truck to remind me of her. She used to come on trips with me as we saw America together and she really enjoyed the various places we visited.  But for some reason the picture, which I put in a basket on the kitchen table is gone.. I don't know what she… Continue

Added by David A on May 22, 2011 at 10:18am — 1 Comment

It has been a long time since I saw you, a very long time actually. You used to come to me but you don't anymore. It's hard to think that I could ever forget the blood stained walls I came home to th…

It has been a long time since I saw you, a very long time actually. You used to come to me but you don't anymore. It's hard to think that I could ever forget the blood stained walls I came home to that day. You were my very best friend, my sister. He took you from me yet in court he said he thought I was the one he would find there. I live with that everyday. He came in the house that day thinking you would be at tennis and I would be home but we traded days so that I could go out on a "secret"… Continue

Added by April Dawn Bentley on May 21, 2011 at 7:19pm — No Comments

I Don't Want To Forget

Find it weird, but I do not want to forget a single second of the past horrible 2 months. Not to be morbid or twisted, but I just don't want to forget. Took me awhile to figure out why. It's because every thing that had happened will be a last. My daddy's last smile, the last time he looked at me, the last time we talked, the last time we said i love you to each other. The last time I saw his face light up when I walked in the hospital room. The last time he squeezed my hand when he couldn't…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 17, 2011 at 5:08pm — No Comments

It is nearly 27 months since you left me.  I am still trying to accept that each morning when I wake, you won't be there with the kettle boiled and the tea made for our breakfast.  You are my last th…

It is nearly 27 months since you left me.  I am still trying to accept that each morning when I wake, you won't be there with the kettle boiled and the tea made for our breakfast.  You are my last thought each night and the first each morning. I knew that when you came home from the hospital that last July that you were getting weaker and would not be with us much longer, but I didn't want to accept that so I just kept going as usual and pretended.  Maybe if I hadn't then this would have been… Continue

Added by Jillian Margaret Dalziel on May 16, 2011 at 9:57pm — No Comments

The Begining of the End

Everyone tells me that the worse of things is over. And in a way they're right. The constant roller coaster ride of the hospital is over. The never ending journey of hopes; then despair.  Sometimes it's daily, sometimes it's hourly.  Now, it's done. I go home and drink as much as i can. Not to get drunk, but to just sleep. To finally sleep.  And I do. the next morning; I see you daddy standing next to my bed, watching me.  Out of the corner of my eye. You're here. I turn to see you and then…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 16, 2011 at 8:15pm — No Comments

The Last Goodbye

I again, have 10 doctors in front of me telling me there is nothing they can do.  I bring your best friend with me because I know that i will not hear everything they say. I know it is time. Your friend tells me that when you go I do not have to be there. I do not have to be there when you die.  I'm furious that you would even think that. That I would let my father die alone, with no one there breaks my heart.  I have made sure that his wife sees him everyday, that he has his wedding ring on…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 15, 2011 at 4:41pm — No Comments

mommy you are missed

Though this life treated you like scum

you gave me the beat to my drum

you let your heart crack and bleed

and made me suffer and need

you shut out all who wanted to see you well

to the bottle you would scream and yell

yet underneath the surface of this all

was a woman trapped by the alcohol

a woman whose heart was as big as the sun

and really just wanted to have fun

her heart ached for me

she was so blind but i…

Continue

Added by Belinda Rose on May 11, 2011 at 11:45pm — 3 Comments

I'm new to this community

My name is Deborah, my husband was brutally stabbed to death in the prison that he was in.  it will be one year on the 31st of this month.  I thought that I was doing well for the past few months, but this month i can't stop crying.  i feel so sad and i miss him so very much.  At first I wanted to know everything so i read the investigative report and the autopsy report and now I can "see' the entire attack happening in my head. it won't go away.  I feel sad all the time and cry all the time… Continue

Added by Deborah Dodds on May 9, 2011 at 4:04pm — 2 Comments

The Hummingbird

Every time a hummingbird came into the backyard, you would always tell us to look. How you loved to feed them, and see them sit on the hummingbird feeder.  The feeder is dry and dusty now. Don't know how long it's been since you've filled it up.  Don't know how long it's been since the last time you saw one.

 

I have 10 doctors in front of me telling me there's nothing else they can do.  All the fluid is gone from your lungs, but you're still not breathing.  Every day you…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 9, 2011 at 10:30am — No Comments

Mothers Day

Why does this day hurt the worst? I have been through many holidays and many special occasions but Mothers Day is one of the most painful of all. I havent slept in weeks every little thing makes me cry. I've been smoking 2 packs a day for the last 2 weeks.

.I havent slept for more than a half an hour at a time. It's like the punishment from hell.the nightmares have been so horrific I feel like putting my head through a wall. Cant talk about it cant let anyone see me cry. No onewould…

Continue

Added by anne on May 9, 2011 at 12:40am — No Comments

I Love You Mommy, Always

On February 25th, at 2:25 I lost my father.  And in the same week, I realized that I also lost my mother.  I realized through disbelief, that she no longer knows who I am.  I am no longer her little girl, her daughter, her Pumpkin.  In shock, I asked her if she thought I was related to her. She said no.  Her Alzsheimers has finally taken her away from me. I never thought this day would come.  She looks at me and smiles like she always does.  But then I realize, she looks that way at…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 8, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments

Two Weeks

Everything seems fine until I get a call from the social worker saying that you told her that you want to be put in a home with Mommy.  I'm in total shock. For the past week I've been looking for in home care for you and Mommy; someone to help you take care of her.  To run errands for you. So you don't have to do so much work.  She tells me that they won't release you until I find a rehab place for you.  For the past week I've been taking care of Mommy. Dressing her, feeding her, figuring…

Continue

Added by Elke on May 7, 2011 at 12:04pm — No Comments

Featured Blog Posts

Blog Topics by Tags

Monthly Archives

2024

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015

2014

2013

2012

2011

2010

2009

2008

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service