I am not looking for judgement here. Please do not hurt me any further by judging what we did is right or wrong. I have already gotten my karma when he make the decision to give us up but it's the reason that I am not able to accept and move on..

J and I met and fall in love at our previous workplace. J is married for 7 years with 2 kids when we know each other. Like any other affair, J told me he's not happy with his marriage. He had no more feelings for his wife and that things at…

There are nights that I dream about the funeral, about how bitter cold and wet it was, from the rain. I replay it all over again, about how unwilling I was to leave. About how unable I was to accept that he was already gone, and just his body remained. But I refused, absolutely refused, to think of him in the ground. As cold as it was, I just couldn't imagine him there. 

There are days that I wake up from those dreams, and I just cry. I never knew I was capable of so many…

Thank you so much for your support. I was a little apprehensive about this site because I dealt with my loss on my own. I never really had anybody to turn to. I see now that people on this site are very supportive and I thank you all for all of your support.

I miss my boyfriend. It's been a little over three years since his accident and it still feels like yesterday. I loved him so much and I know he loved me. It's hard everyday without him. I'm 17 now and I was 14 when I lost him. At that time my parents didn't think I really loved him because I was so young but when he died I totally shut down. I stayed in my room day in and day out, I barely ate, and I didn't really talk to anyone. My parents started to realize that I did truly love him and…

my heart is so very heavy, so filled with pain. I miss shawn so much it hurts bad. my tears still fall so much, everyday. to go on is so imposible, im so filled with hate, to see people go on, so happy, laughing. there are times I just want to slap them, slap that smile off there face. scream for my son to come home, not to leave me. to pray for shawn to come get me, I want nothing more than to go with him. I hate living, I just hate. I beg  shawn please help me, im getting no answer.my only…

everyday it seems to hurt more to breathe, I miss shawn so very much, I still wait for him to come home, when the phone rings I pray its him. I know my baby will never leave me, but we have never been apart this long. my heart hurts so bad. I ask why he took my only child, why not me. I wait for signs, I know I have had some but I want so much more.  I hear people and family saying MOM, and I cry so hard wishing I could hear it to. I just want to be with him, hold him, hear him say I love…

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everyone said to go see my sister when she got home, so I thought I would give in and go.  shes in a lot of pain and I felt so bad for her, it was a very big surgery,  and to my surprise the beautiful picture of my son shawn that I gave her was no where to be found. I felt hurt, mad and I have had enough. so I asked her where is shawns picture. she said oh its around here some where. I held back my tears  and the anger I was feeling.  how could my sister do this to me, she has pictures all…

today I got a call from my older sister, shes in the hospital. she told me she had cancer surgery yesterday. we use to be so very close, always together. I felt nothing, I could not even cry for her. when my son went away she was here for a month or so, now nothing, when she does call its always the same thing, she says , kim you need help, you need to move on, to need to get out. over and over. I ask her to please talk about shawn to me, but she wont. I feel shes adding to my pain, everyday…

I used to be afraid to die. It would haunt me just the thought of it would send chills rushing down my spine. Now, I am no longer afraid of death. Wednesday, July 9th, 2014 at 12:08pm my life was forever changed. My father passed away on this day, he fought for a long time. He had been sick since 2000 with multiple problems but he kept fighting even when it was hard. At times, I will be honest I didn't know how he kept pushing through, how he remained strong, it was inspiring to see how…

I don't even know where to start. You were my love, my wife, my life for 37 years. When I called the hospital and they said they were moving you to ICU, most people would have rushed there then, but you had been in ICU so many times in the past few years it had become routine...so I stayed at work. Then they called me 4 hours later and said I should come. Baby...you were gone by the time I got there and I'm so sorry. The last thing you ever said to me the night before was thinking about me.…

today when I went to see my son shawn I broke down hard like I do everyday but today is was worse, since  the new year nothing has gone right, so I know it will be a shitty year. but I know since you went away im just not strong enough to handle any thing any more.i just cry at a drop of a hat, I feel empty more and more everyday. my life means nothing, I beg to be with you, I pray to get sick, I pray for you to grab my hand and take me with you. your dad says im full of hate and I know its…

I is so hard to live, however, to afraid to die. I am just here with my only son T.J.

My Son

 March 10, 2007 was the most devastating day in my life.  My son was tragically killed in a snowmobile accident, leaving behind a 3 year old son, a pregnant wife of 8 months, and his only sibling, Amanda, as well as me, his Mamma.

Our world has spiralled out of control trying to regain some semblance of life after such a shocking loss.  Christopher was 31 years old when he died of massive impact to his heart when a snowmobile handle-bar…

So much has happened since 1/1/11 when my husband died. It is hard to believe that time does keep marching on. My son and my daughter graduated from college. My son got married. Three Christmases have passed. I continue to put one foot in front of the other. There is still a sadness in me that will not go away. I have happy moments but the joy that I used to have just isn't there yet. I do pray that God will restore that to me. I continue to take one day at a time which is the biggest lesson…

today is the first, its just another day filled with pain and darkness. my heart hurts so bad, its just like yesterday I remember every min of that day. its so cold and windy today I hope my shawn is warm. I hope he hears me everyday. I want so much to hold him,  why is this happening to us? why . I keep asking, all I want this year is to be with my son, I pray  to go.  to go on  each day is to hard, I use to be a strong person but not any more, every min of the day all I think about is…