Stephen,  

There are no answers or excuses for such rudeness and thoughtless behavior from your nephew and the woman you befriended.  I found some family to be just incomprehensibly insensitive and for that I ended up pushing them away and there has been no reconciliation.  

It's just added misery to the index and trying to speculate reasons for their lack of empathy is not a job we need to take on.  Those who choose cruelty over understanding are not the people our loved one would want us to keep close.  Maybe at one time they had something we could share.  We both know that the only real sharing we had with truth and loyalty was with our beloved.  Most other friendships and family have grown their own roots seperate enough from ours.

I am not sure to this day whether I actually don’t live in a different universe every moment I blink my eyes. Not just one other universe.  One every eye blink, billions as moments pass.  I remember so many moments of pure bliss because I was understood without reservation for who I was and had no worry as to what others wanted me to be.  I was loved and did not need others. 

Now I will not and cannot bring myself to try and fit into someone else’s idea of who I am or should be.  Now is not the time to bring additonal stress into your life by trying to accommodate to others peoples dsyfunction.  Its hard enough to get through a day doing basic functions.  Religious dogma can be more harmful than helpful and many people today are turning away from the narrow interpretation it purports.  I have had to accept collateral damage but it’s less hurtful than continuing to squeeze myself into others lives.  Everyone chooses how much pain they are willing to endure and just the loss of my beloved takes all the room and energy I have to function while I breathe. 

Grieving has way too many aspects to worry about how to do more than survive at this point.  Most of us look forward to the day we can join our love and in the meantime the best we can do is try to keep from going mad and keep each other afloat. 

Take care…….

 morgan

Stephen,

Grief takes such a toll.  

The only loyalty you have is to your beloved partner not to others who presume to speak for your love.  No, do not let that intrude upon your sacred space.  Your minimal energy needs to be directed inward.  This road cannot be understood by those who have not had it forced upon them.  Their judgements are inconsequential.  Shut them out and relieve them of making you a target.  I have a sister in law like that and after I figured out her intentions,  I stay clear of her.  I am too fragile to try and live out her dysfunctional barbs and arrows.  Your main job right now is self protection.  Your beloved would agree.

I would write more but today is a low energy day and so I cannot write as much as I might like.  I am sensing a shift inside of me caused by time and circumstance so I need to draw in my reserves.  I do feel your pain though as the amount of time that you had with your beloved is going to draw you down heavily.  I knew my beloved since 2nd grade (57 years) and that is a history never to be repeated.  It is an enormous amount of time to write a life. Just know I am thinking and sending some stardust your way like I do for all of us.  We all need something to light this darkened path. 

Take care and thank you for writing back.  It helps to know the words written helped at all.

morgan

Stephen,

Heartfelt condolences to you on your loss. I know there are no words to comfort you, as I haven't heard them either. I lost my husband of 40 years very suddenly, and still feel as if I was catapulted into another dimension. I find it so disheartening to read of people in so much pain. I never knew this type of pain or sadness existed. Please reach out if you need someone to talk with you.

Fran