"Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such…"
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. The way his family has treated you is beyond ugly. What disrespect they show to you the person he loved. A lot of us have experienced the same garbage with our own families. Shane...I…"
My partner fell off a four story building. He was taking photographs of one of our friends on her roof. We have been on her roof over a hundred times. He was taking some photos and stepped backwards and lost his balance and fell. There isn't a railing on the roof because it wasn't designed for people to be up there. He landed on a cement patio below.
I wasn't there. I found out that it took over 30 minutes for an ambulance to get there and when they finally arrived they didn't even run over to him. They asked my friend if she had his ID's. My friend yelled at them to help him. So eventually they took him to the ER.
When I got to the emergency room no one would tell me what was happening. Eventually a nurse told me that they had everyone working on him. After an hour a doctor came in and told me they couldn't save him.
A few hours after he passed it brought us to Sunday, which was Mother's day. There were so many things that happened while his mother was her....but in a nutshell she didn't do one that my partner would've wanted and she was only concerned about bank accounts and life insurance policies. While my family stayed in hotels and had to rent cars, his mom forced herself into my home. She tried to take everything and eventually she went to a hotel and I never heard from her again. I flew to Chicago to go to the funeral because she was having his body flown so he could be buried back home (Which he no longer considered his home) and I got a phone call from my partner's aunt telling me that his parents will physically hurt me if I try to show up to the funeral. I wasn't able to attend his funeral. I didn't get to see the burial.
There were so many other things that took place but the most important thing is I lost the love of my life, the one person who truly got me. We lived together and worked together. We literally spent almost 24 hours a day together for over seven years. I can't do one thing without it being a part of my life I shared with him. I run our company alone now and for the most part I still don't feel like he is gone. I mean I know he's no longer here but it feels like I can just call him or text him.
It's hard to relate to anyone. Most people don't know what to say and they give advice when they don't know what the hell they are talking about. I mean I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't want to say losing a mother to cancer is not as bad as a tragic death for a young person because you had time to say goodbye.
All I know is I hope to see him again someday...and the idea of not seeing him again makes me question life. What's the point of life? Why does stuff like this have to happen?
Comment Wall (1 comment)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such a young age. But your youth is a benefit - you will move on with your life when you're ready. I'm not so sure about myself. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that God = love = energy and energy can't be destroyed. That energy (soul if you will) exists outside the body (contrary to Christian beliefs) and so the attachment we have to the other people in our lives is never lost. I feel Brad's energy around me all the time and I often connect most strongly with it in my dreams. A friend of mine created a small, Buddhist-like shrine on the lanai where Brad lost his life in our pool. Just a bouquet of flowers, a candle, and a few personal items that had meaning for the two of us. I can't tell you how much peace that shrine brought to me those first few days after his death. The shrine is gone now, but I still feel his presence whenever I go out to the lanai. I am gearing myself up for a memorial service on 9/17, when our friends will get together and tell Brad stories and talk about the influence he had on our lives. Then we'll float his ashes out to sea in a rice paper "boat." It might help if you and your friends have a similar service and though you won't have his ashes, perhaps a nice picture of him (you have so many) would be a substitute. I think that all of these little memorials are very helpful in the grieving process. But the most important thing to remember is that it's only his physical body that is separated from you. If you calmly reflect on all the wonderful moments you two shared, I think you'll feel his presence surrounding you like loving arms. At least that is my experience. Know that you are not alone - we all share your loss, as you share ours.
No comments yet!
Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"AnneJ, I'm glad to see you've come back to be with us. I've missed your introspective posts. You have much to contribute. The burdens are so heavy we need as many of us as possible to help share the load. I…"
"We are all in this together. This horrible night mare that is never ending. No one understands unless they have lost their spouse. I cry, I pray, I make deals with God....nothing helps. I want my husband. I want my…"
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife in April. It was an ugly illness that took her. Sorrow is ongoing. Being alone does get easier. I believe our loved ones are right there with us after death and that it is only their bodies that…"
"33 days of hell since my beautiful wife or 40 years passed away. Psychs, therapists, kids have trief to show me the light. None of these people can experience the deepest of grief and pain that I am feeling. I choose not to exist anymore. That…"
"hi everyone I'm still with you I don't post much anymore but I still read your stuff it's been 20 months since Mary passed and I don't think I'll ever get any better I still stay in my room most of the time I guess…"
"I am coming up on the one year mark which is 12/19, that day changed my life forever.
I tell my mom I miss her everyday and love her.
I also thank God for taking such good care of her and not letting her suffer.
Now I am suffering, but I know she…"
Each day I wake up since you've been gone is so challenging, all of a sudden I have this great heavy burden of sorrow, sadness and loneliness to carry with me. The pain I feel is indescribable, it goes deep into my soul. Smiling and laughing is so uncomfortable now, crying is the new norm. I pray you visit me and comfort me in my dreams. No one should have to go through this much pain.
"Oh, Morgan, isn't it a fact, though? We all have been walking and walking through all of this, privileged to listen to one another's deepest thoughts. My heart lifted to see TildyC check in, where's George been, John T is out there; I…"
"Linda, I've thought about you a lot when you're not posting, just kind of walking the spirit of the situation, if you will. I took a break from here awhile back, thinking I was going to make some changes, etc., and what I came to…"
"I appreciate the words that you said and I totally understand when you say you feel like you will never be ok again...Reach out when you can to whoever you feel comfortable sharing your grief with...I sincerely hope that they will sit with you and…"
I recently spent the day with a friend that lost her mother a year ago. She said that she feels guilty for not doing more. When she did so much more than her sisters and brother. So I suggested that it is not guilt and it should not be…"
"October the 8th was the first anniversary of my mom's death. It was a very sad day for me. On her anniversary I cried, looked at her pictures and kissed them, and told her that I miss her and that I love her so much. I had…"
"I found that when your in grief that everyone seems to disappear and they only reappear when they think the worst of the muck may have passed. Essentially you are left alone with your thoughts, pain, scenerios of the would of, could of, should of. I…"