"Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such…"
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. The way his family has treated you is beyond ugly. What disrespect they show to you the person he loved. A lot of us have experienced the same garbage with our own families. Shane...I…"
My partner fell off a four story building. He was taking photographs of one of our friends on her roof. We have been on her roof over a hundred times. He was taking some photos and stepped backwards and lost his balance and fell. There isn't a railing on the roof because it wasn't designed for people to be up there. He landed on a cement patio below.
I wasn't there. I found out that it took over 30 minutes for an ambulance to get there and when they finally arrived they didn't even run over to him. They asked my friend if she had his ID's. My friend yelled at them to help him. So eventually they took him to the ER.
When I got to the emergency room no one would tell me what was happening. Eventually a nurse told me that they had everyone working on him. After an hour a doctor came in and told me they couldn't save him.
A few hours after he passed it brought us to Sunday, which was Mother's day. There were so many things that happened while his mother was her....but in a nutshell she didn't do one that my partner would've wanted and she was only concerned about bank accounts and life insurance policies. While my family stayed in hotels and had to rent cars, his mom forced herself into my home. She tried to take everything and eventually she went to a hotel and I never heard from her again. I flew to Chicago to go to the funeral because she was having his body flown so he could be buried back home (Which he no longer considered his home) and I got a phone call from my partner's aunt telling me that his parents will physically hurt me if I try to show up to the funeral. I wasn't able to attend his funeral. I didn't get to see the burial.
There were so many other things that took place but the most important thing is I lost the love of my life, the one person who truly got me. We lived together and worked together. We literally spent almost 24 hours a day together for over seven years. I can't do one thing without it being a part of my life I shared with him. I run our company alone now and for the most part I still don't feel like he is gone. I mean I know he's no longer here but it feels like I can just call him or text him.
It's hard to relate to anyone. Most people don't know what to say and they give advice when they don't know what the hell they are talking about. I mean I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't want to say losing a mother to cancer is not as bad as a tragic death for a young person because you had time to say goodbye.
All I know is I hope to see him again someday...and the idea of not seeing him again makes me question life. What's the point of life? Why does stuff like this have to happen?
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Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such a young age. But your youth is a benefit - you will move on with your life when you're ready. I'm not so sure about myself. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that God = love = energy and energy can't be destroyed. That energy (soul if you will) exists outside the body (contrary to Christian beliefs) and so the attachment we have to the other people in our lives is never lost. I feel Brad's energy around me all the time and I often connect most strongly with it in my dreams. A friend of mine created a small, Buddhist-like shrine on the lanai where Brad lost his life in our pool. Just a bouquet of flowers, a candle, and a few personal items that had meaning for the two of us. I can't tell you how much peace that shrine brought to me those first few days after his death. The shrine is gone now, but I still feel his presence whenever I go out to the lanai. I am gearing myself up for a memorial service on 9/17, when our friends will get together and tell Brad stories and talk about the influence he had on our lives. Then we'll float his ashes out to sea in a rice paper "boat." It might help if you and your friends have a similar service and though you won't have his ashes, perhaps a nice picture of him (you have so many) would be a substitute. I think that all of these little memorials are very helpful in the grieving process. But the most important thing to remember is that it's only his physical body that is separated from you. If you calmly reflect on all the wonderful moments you two shared, I think you'll feel his presence surrounding you like loving arms. At least that is my experience. Know that you are not alone - we all share your loss, as you share ours.
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"zell. thank you from the heart, yes everything you said is true. I know you are here for me and I hope you know the same from me. everyday I go see shawn , no one is out there I like it that way, I cry so hard and talk to him…"
"Love what you say Dennis:
"I do completely believe that the future holds:1) The end of all suffering2) The end of all pain3) An abundance of peace4) The reunions with those that we have lost in death.Those things give me great comfort at times…"
"Hi Jo - yea, that can look rather funny hey :-) but this is what it actually means:
For we are strangers and sojourners (aliens) are used in conjunction with each other to imply that we are temporary residents on God’s earth…"
"It's ok Kim.
I can relate to you not wanting to "go public". You need to feel absolutely comfortable about who you speak to. Best maybe for you would be someone who has gone through a similar loss, or if not the same loss,…"
"Would like to say hello to all on this thread.It is almost five months since my hubby went to live in Heaven with Jesus. Has been a lifetime since then but with the help of Jesus, I am now slowly returning back to normal. Tears can only help for…"
It's been 6 months since the loss of my daughter as well. I am still at the point that one day at a time is not comforting to me. All I feel is the pain... The Agonizing loss. My daughters birthday however was in June. There was no…"
"thank you zell. yes everyday hurts so dam bad. I do feel very alone, I know no one that has gone through this pain here where I live. as for going to a support group, right now I just cant do it. I don't want to talk to someone that has not…"
"thnx zell it tks abot 25/30 mins in a car or bus i cnt drive dont no hw 2 plus medicl resons iv bean on pic size its a web sit it cn mk yore pics biger or smaller 2 fit on difnrt sits i hav
u can fix thn in 2 4 d as well u can
hears a few i did…"
"it wud be grt if wz no sufinrin we suffer 2 mush we do coz of deth we do
yea pease as well
2 sea evry 1 we lost never let go ever again
its grt we can all hav difrnt vews or sea thngs difernet as well"
My heart really breaks for you in this added frustration and isolation you feel with your family unwilling or unable to meet your emotional need to talk about it, to talk about Shawn.
I know what you mean. We seek that…"
to my darling son shawn, everyday seems to get harder and harder to go on with out you. I cant remember what its like to sleep a full night, to not cry every day. to pray to go with you. how do I go on? how do I watch others smiling, laughing, shawn I need you so bad,i wear your things to bed I smell them all night long, ill never ever wash them, I need to know you have not left me alone. my heart feels like its slowly stopping, dear god I miss my baby, those beautiful big brown eyes that deep…See More
"I don’t know how to share on a group. But I am going to try. On the 14th of Feb in 2010, I had my son, Ashton, he was the most amazing little boy ever. He looked like a small version of my husband, even his eyes were my husbands, stormy grey…"
"My view is this.
There are different ways to comfort people when they are suffering.
I believe that if I can give them HOPE then I can comfort.
If my views do not impart HOPE, then it seems instead of comfort I cause irritation.
I don't want…"
One thing I have realized since this terrible personal tragedy. There is a world full of people in pain. Everyone's experience is different and everyone handles it differently, but we are one in pain. We cannot change what has happened, but we can be there for each other - we can offer real empathy from personal experience. Finally and most important: there is the promise of eternal life and eternal reunion. Death does not have the final say!See More