"Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such…"
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. The way his family has treated you is beyond ugly. What disrespect they show to you the person he loved. A lot of us have experienced the same garbage with our own families. Shane...I…"
My partner fell off a four story building. He was taking photographs of one of our friends on her roof. We have been on her roof over a hundred times. He was taking some photos and stepped backwards and lost his balance and fell. There isn't a railing on the roof because it wasn't designed for people to be up there. He landed on a cement patio below.
I wasn't there. I found out that it took over 30 minutes for an ambulance to get there and when they finally arrived they didn't even run over to him. They asked my friend if she had his ID's. My friend yelled at them to help him. So eventually they took him to the ER.
When I got to the emergency room no one would tell me what was happening. Eventually a nurse told me that they had everyone working on him. After an hour a doctor came in and told me they couldn't save him.
A few hours after he passed it brought us to Sunday, which was Mother's day. There were so many things that happened while his mother was her....but in a nutshell she didn't do one that my partner would've wanted and she was only concerned about bank accounts and life insurance policies. While my family stayed in hotels and had to rent cars, his mom forced herself into my home. She tried to take everything and eventually she went to a hotel and I never heard from her again. I flew to Chicago to go to the funeral because she was having his body flown so he could be buried back home (Which he no longer considered his home) and I got a phone call from my partner's aunt telling me that his parents will physically hurt me if I try to show up to the funeral. I wasn't able to attend his funeral. I didn't get to see the burial.
There were so many other things that took place but the most important thing is I lost the love of my life, the one person who truly got me. We lived together and worked together. We literally spent almost 24 hours a day together for over seven years. I can't do one thing without it being a part of my life I shared with him. I run our company alone now and for the most part I still don't feel like he is gone. I mean I know he's no longer here but it feels like I can just call him or text him.
It's hard to relate to anyone. Most people don't know what to say and they give advice when they don't know what the hell they are talking about. I mean I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't want to say losing a mother to cancer is not as bad as a tragic death for a young person because you had time to say goodbye.
All I know is I hope to see him again someday...and the idea of not seeing him again makes me question life. What's the point of life? Why does stuff like this have to happen?
Comment Wall (1 comment)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such a young age. But your youth is a benefit - you will move on with your life when you're ready. I'm not so sure about myself. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that God = love = energy and energy can't be destroyed. That energy (soul if you will) exists outside the body (contrary to Christian beliefs) and so the attachment we have to the other people in our lives is never lost. I feel Brad's energy around me all the time and I often connect most strongly with it in my dreams. A friend of mine created a small, Buddhist-like shrine on the lanai where Brad lost his life in our pool. Just a bouquet of flowers, a candle, and a few personal items that had meaning for the two of us. I can't tell you how much peace that shrine brought to me those first few days after his death. The shrine is gone now, but I still feel his presence whenever I go out to the lanai. I am gearing myself up for a memorial service on 9/17, when our friends will get together and tell Brad stories and talk about the influence he had on our lives. Then we'll float his ashes out to sea in a rice paper "boat." It might help if you and your friends have a similar service and though you won't have his ashes, perhaps a nice picture of him (you have so many) would be a substitute. I think that all of these little memorials are very helpful in the grieving process. But the most important thing to remember is that it's only his physical body that is separated from you. If you calmly reflect on all the wonderful moments you two shared, I think you'll feel his presence surrounding you like loving arms. At least that is my experience. Know that you are not alone - we all share your loss, as you share ours.
No comments yet!
Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
It has been 4 years since I lost my Husband and soulmate to cancer. My family and friends tell me that time will things better. To tell you the truth the only way I keep my sanity, is adopting a dog and seeing my therapist and…"
"Jennifer, my husband passed May 2, 2017. We had a wonderful marriage and we loved each other with all of our hearts. Jack was an awesome person. I am currently going through this with my own family. I am away from my family…"
"Hello, well I made it through my 1st anniversary without him. It was a really hard day, Wednesday. I miss him like crazy and love him so much. Today I just feel numb. All these stages of grief are exhausting. Working full…"
Is It Wrong to Grieve?Have you ever had a brief bout with illness? Perhaps you recovered so quickly that you have practically forgotten the episode. Well, grief is not like that. “There is no such thing as ‘getting over’ grief,” writes Dr. Alan Wolfelt in his book Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart. However, he adds: “Over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften.”As an example, consider how the patriarch Abraham reacted when his wife died. The Bible says that “Abraham began…See More
"Jennifer, I remember when the anger started burning inside me too. It was horrible and ugly and scary, and immensely powerful. I felt afraid to open my mouth in front of others in case I screamed and yelled and told them what I thought of them and…"
"My mom loved Judge Judy. You couldn't convince her that was not a real courtroom. She also loved The Shark Tank and Everybody Loves Raymond. It all seems like just yesterday since we watched those shows together. I love those shows, too, but it…"
"Hello AnneJ and everyone, In a couple of weeks it will be 3 years since I lost all that mattered to me. Six months ago I started unpacking and hung some pictures where I live now. I did it out of embarrassment rather than a desire…"
How do you deal with well meaning family/friends who just don't understand what you're going through? 2 of my sisters-in-law still have their husbands. One does not have a good marriage, she talks about her husband dying flippantly she says things like "I know if _____ died I would use the insurance money to go on that vacation he never wants to go on." Then in the next breath "Are you still going on your cruise next year? I could take (my husband's) place if you want so you're not alone."…See More
"Today was a good day! I love you and thank you so very much Mama! I think of you everyday while cleaning up your home and getting it ready for sale. It is still hard for me to go there and not seeing you watching Dr.Phil and judge Judy! I have not…"
"Apparently, I have found the anger that my counselor and everyone else has been saying I was going to feel. To this point, all I have felt is sad or numb. Well, the last 2 days I have not been able to stand to see happy families.…"
"My mom had renal failure , she passed away December 2015. I still miss her everyday of my breathing, during this time I had broken my right wrist on a Friday Dec. 11 2015 my mom died on the 17. The pain was in so many directions, leaving the…"
"Hi, Linda. I feel the same way as you. I feel like you could walk right into my home, sit down, and we wouldn't have to say a word and be completely understood by one another. It's been 3 years and 10 months since my Beloved man died, the…"