"Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such…"
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. The way his family has treated you is beyond ugly. What disrespect they show to you the person he loved. A lot of us have experienced the same garbage with our own families. Shane...I…"
My partner fell off a four story building. He was taking photographs of one of our friends on her roof. We have been on her roof over a hundred times. He was taking some photos and stepped backwards and lost his balance and fell. There isn't a railing on the roof because it wasn't designed for people to be up there. He landed on a cement patio below.
I wasn't there. I found out that it took over 30 minutes for an ambulance to get there and when they finally arrived they didn't even run over to him. They asked my friend if she had his ID's. My friend yelled at them to help him. So eventually they took him to the ER.
When I got to the emergency room no one would tell me what was happening. Eventually a nurse told me that they had everyone working on him. After an hour a doctor came in and told me they couldn't save him.
A few hours after he passed it brought us to Sunday, which was Mother's day. There were so many things that happened while his mother was her....but in a nutshell she didn't do one that my partner would've wanted and she was only concerned about bank accounts and life insurance policies. While my family stayed in hotels and had to rent cars, his mom forced herself into my home. She tried to take everything and eventually she went to a hotel and I never heard from her again. I flew to Chicago to go to the funeral because she was having his body flown so he could be buried back home (Which he no longer considered his home) and I got a phone call from my partner's aunt telling me that his parents will physically hurt me if I try to show up to the funeral. I wasn't able to attend his funeral. I didn't get to see the burial.
There were so many other things that took place but the most important thing is I lost the love of my life, the one person who truly got me. We lived together and worked together. We literally spent almost 24 hours a day together for over seven years. I can't do one thing without it being a part of my life I shared with him. I run our company alone now and for the most part I still don't feel like he is gone. I mean I know he's no longer here but it feels like I can just call him or text him.
It's hard to relate to anyone. Most people don't know what to say and they give advice when they don't know what the hell they are talking about. I mean I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't want to say losing a mother to cancer is not as bad as a tragic death for a young person because you had time to say goodbye.
All I know is I hope to see him again someday...and the idea of not seeing him again makes me question life. What's the point of life? Why does stuff like this have to happen?
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Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such a young age. But your youth is a benefit - you will move on with your life when you're ready. I'm not so sure about myself. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that God = love = energy and energy can't be destroyed. That energy (soul if you will) exists outside the body (contrary to Christian beliefs) and so the attachment we have to the other people in our lives is never lost. I feel Brad's energy around me all the time and I often connect most strongly with it in my dreams. A friend of mine created a small, Buddhist-like shrine on the lanai where Brad lost his life in our pool. Just a bouquet of flowers, a candle, and a few personal items that had meaning for the two of us. I can't tell you how much peace that shrine brought to me those first few days after his death. The shrine is gone now, but I still feel his presence whenever I go out to the lanai. I am gearing myself up for a memorial service on 9/17, when our friends will get together and tell Brad stories and talk about the influence he had on our lives. Then we'll float his ashes out to sea in a rice paper "boat." It might help if you and your friends have a similar service and though you won't have his ashes, perhaps a nice picture of him (you have so many) would be a substitute. I think that all of these little memorials are very helpful in the grieving process. But the most important thing to remember is that it's only his physical body that is separated from you. If you calmly reflect on all the wonderful moments you two shared, I think you'll feel his presence surrounding you like loving arms. At least that is my experience. Know that you are not alone - we all share your loss, as you share ours.
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"Anne, beautifully and poignantly written. A great deal of wisdom from a mom who has lost two precious children. I believe you are serving your God-given purpose right here, on this site: giving hope and comfort to the heartbroken."
"To all, you can go on, and you will go on because there are many of us who have gone before you. Yes it sucks. Yes it hurts so bad sometimes you want to just give up, but I ask you what good will giving up do? What happens to those who come after us…"
"Right on Patience! You hit the nail on the head. It's a thing called free will. It's a gift! I believe there are 4 things God can do, and that is give us strength, courage, wisdom, and comfort. The rest is up to us! I don't…"
We ran hand in hand to the entrance of the amusement park and pressed ourselves tightly to the locked gate. “If only they would open!” we lamented, literally wishing time away so that we might begin to experience all of the amenities that the park had to offer. While we waited for what seemed to be an eternity, we huddled, talked and planned of how together; we could best fully enjoy the happiness that surely awaited us. After spending a few moments basking in the brilliance of our…See More
"Good point how do you know if. You don't try? You guys must seem to think I'm
bashing god or something..I've
lost my parents my best friend aa child and I've been blind not
once but twice..now I dunno many people who have went…"
I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
"Anne, I love and agree with everything you have written.
I spend a lot of my time also trying to encourage others, but I do not give false hope that it gets better - it doesn't. Im only 4 months in and this is very raw and painful due to…"
"Thank you Patience for your comment. Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going. When I'm around those who are grieving I'm expected to do and say certain things. When I'm around people who have no clue I'm expected…"
"I think we all feel that way..yes sometimes people go threw far worse things but we each deal with things diffrently..I ask myself why everyday..why am I still here..my neighbor always tells me god has a plan for each of us I stop and think to…"
Why, why, why? Why you? Why me? Why anyone? Hell if I know. If I knew the answer to that, WOW. I get asked that question so many times, and all I can say is I don't know. When I get frustrated with the whole thing I ask myself Why not me? Why not you? What the heck do I know? Because I'm a 2 time loser I should know the answer to that. I've lost many family, and close friends over the years, and it never gets any easier. I do however get through it. How you ask? I have no idea. I guess when I…See More