"Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such…"
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. The way his family has treated you is beyond ugly. What disrespect they show to you the person he loved. A lot of us have experienced the same garbage with our own families. Shane...I…"
My partner fell off a four story building. He was taking photographs of one of our friends on her roof. We have been on her roof over a hundred times. He was taking some photos and stepped backwards and lost his balance and fell. There isn't a railing on the roof because it wasn't designed for people to be up there. He landed on a cement patio below.
I wasn't there. I found out that it took over 30 minutes for an ambulance to get there and when they finally arrived they didn't even run over to him. They asked my friend if she had his ID's. My friend yelled at them to help him. So eventually they took him to the ER.
When I got to the emergency room no one would tell me what was happening. Eventually a nurse told me that they had everyone working on him. After an hour a doctor came in and told me they couldn't save him.
A few hours after he passed it brought us to Sunday, which was Mother's day. There were so many things that happened while his mother was her....but in a nutshell she didn't do one that my partner would've wanted and she was only concerned about bank accounts and life insurance policies. While my family stayed in hotels and had to rent cars, his mom forced herself into my home. She tried to take everything and eventually she went to a hotel and I never heard from her again. I flew to Chicago to go to the funeral because she was having his body flown so he could be buried back home (Which he no longer considered his home) and I got a phone call from my partner's aunt telling me that his parents will physically hurt me if I try to show up to the funeral. I wasn't able to attend his funeral. I didn't get to see the burial.
There were so many other things that took place but the most important thing is I lost the love of my life, the one person who truly got me. We lived together and worked together. We literally spent almost 24 hours a day together for over seven years. I can't do one thing without it being a part of my life I shared with him. I run our company alone now and for the most part I still don't feel like he is gone. I mean I know he's no longer here but it feels like I can just call him or text him.
It's hard to relate to anyone. Most people don't know what to say and they give advice when they don't know what the hell they are talking about. I mean I didn't get to say goodbye and I don't want to say losing a mother to cancer is not as bad as a tragic death for a young person because you had time to say goodbye.
All I know is I hope to see him again someday...and the idea of not seeing him again makes me question life. What's the point of life? Why does stuff like this have to happen?
Comment Wall (1 comment)
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Shane...My heart feels your pain, the same pain that I feel over the loss of my beautiful partner, Brad, who was only 35 years old. You and Christian should have had many wonderful years together and now you are suffering this traumatic loss at such a young age. But your youth is a benefit - you will move on with your life when you're ready. I'm not so sure about myself. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that God = love = energy and energy can't be destroyed. That energy (soul if you will) exists outside the body (contrary to Christian beliefs) and so the attachment we have to the other people in our lives is never lost. I feel Brad's energy around me all the time and I often connect most strongly with it in my dreams. A friend of mine created a small, Buddhist-like shrine on the lanai where Brad lost his life in our pool. Just a bouquet of flowers, a candle, and a few personal items that had meaning for the two of us. I can't tell you how much peace that shrine brought to me those first few days after his death. The shrine is gone now, but I still feel his presence whenever I go out to the lanai. I am gearing myself up for a memorial service on 9/17, when our friends will get together and tell Brad stories and talk about the influence he had on our lives. Then we'll float his ashes out to sea in a rice paper "boat." It might help if you and your friends have a similar service and though you won't have his ashes, perhaps a nice picture of him (you have so many) would be a substitute. I think that all of these little memorials are very helpful in the grieving process. But the most important thing to remember is that it's only his physical body that is separated from you. If you calmly reflect on all the wonderful moments you two shared, I think you'll feel his presence surrounding you like loving arms. At least that is my experience. Know that you are not alone - we all share your loss, as you share ours.
No comments yet!
Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Why is it when someone you love dies that you replay years worth of memories in your head in a few hours remembering every word, every look, every emotion you felt and witnessed and yet you crave new memories that are no longer possible. You ring their phone just to hear their voicemail kick in and you crave to still speak to them -the phone rings and you think it may be them but it is not possible.When you visit places you went to with them you expect to turn round and they will be behind you…See More
I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties. My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief. I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
"going through this holiday is so very hard without my son, my tears are still flowing, cant sleep and wish with all my heart I was with him. I just want to hide till its over. I need the love of my life my son shawn. this deep dark place…"
"Hi Kim, I lost my brother two years ago and it feels like yesterday. I just want to tell you that the pain will always be there, but you need to find ways to cope with it. As of today, I'm still trying to find ways to cope with the…"
"I am still hanging in there. I started grief support counseling here in town. I have a great social worker who is being of great help to me. It it is still hard some days, as I am sure it will be. Our first Christmas without…"
Celebrate the SeasonWe had plans to see the Christmas lights out by the bay the day after left.Its okayWe will soar through the skies and see the sightsfloating trees is our tour in our afterlife.Waves of stars visit mars, squeeze my belly tight.Celebrate the season remember the real reason to rejoiceIts a special day…See More
I am so sorry to have to welcome you to this group. I lost my only child as well. He was also 17. It was 2 years ago. As I read your profile I couldn't help but feel all the similarities. My son died in a car accident but he had…"