I'm 25 years old. I am Registered Behavior Therapist working one-on-one with autistic children doing ABA therapy.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother on September 6th, 2017. She was oficially diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2017, but they found the mass in June 2017. On August 15th, we found out that the cancer had also spread to her bones. She did one chemo treatment on August 24th and ended up in the hospital on the 25th due to difficulty breathing. She was in the hospital for one week and even ended up in the ICU. I watched her progressively decline and there was nothing I could do. On September 1st, I brought her home on Hospice. The nurses seemed nice and were helpful. The next three days were somewhat difficult. Doing this on my own was going to be harder than I thought. On Spetember 5th, Mom could no longer help me, she was dead weight. She eventually became unresponsive. Thing did not look good. The "death rattle" had also begun. I called the hospice nurse around 8:30 or so. She said "I think we're near the end. Call me when she's gone and I'll come help you clean her up and I'll call the mortician." I could not believe my ears! This is not why I picked Hospice! I went with Hospice so that someone would be there to walk me through this process and comfort my mother! I talked to her again a little later because my pastor and his wife thought she ought to be there with me. She then said "I thought we already discussed this. I'm 45 minutes to an hour away. By the time I got there and left, I'd just have to turn arounf and come back because shes gonna die tonight." About an hour later she showed up at my door saying she felt I wasn't comfortable and the good Lord put a word in her ear that she ought to come. I feel she only came to avoid getting in trouble. At 12:15 A.M. my mother took her last breath. I was so heartbrroken, but glad that she was no longer suffering. the pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. Some days I don't kknow how I'll make it through. I cry a lot, sometimes randomly. I can't stand to be at home alone. We lived together, just her and I. It's what I was used to, it's all I've known. They say time will make it easier, but when?
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