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About Me:
I'm 25 years old. I am Registered Behavior Therapist working one-on-one with autistic children doing ABA therapy.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother on September 6th, 2017. She was oficially diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2017, but they found the mass in June 2017. On August 15th, we found out that the cancer had also spread to her bones. She did one chemo treatment on August 24th and ended up in the hospital on the 25th due to difficulty breathing. She was in the hospital for one week and even ended up in the ICU. I watched her progressively decline and there was nothing I could do. On September 1st, I brought her home on Hospice. The nurses seemed nice and were helpful. The next three days were somewhat difficult. Doing this on my own was going to be harder than I thought. On Spetember 5th, Mom could no longer help me, she was dead weight. She eventually became unresponsive. Thing did not look good. The "death rattle" had also begun. I called the hospice nurse around 8:30 or so. She said "I think we're near the end. Call me when she's gone and I'll come help you clean her up and I'll call the mortician." I could not believe my ears! This is not why I picked Hospice! I went with Hospice so that someone would be there to walk me through this process and comfort my mother! I talked to her again a little later because my pastor and his wife thought she ought to be there with me. She then said "I thought we already discussed this. I'm 45 minutes to an hour away. By the time I got there and left, I'd just have to turn arounf and come back because shes gonna die tonight." About an hour later she showed up at my door saying she felt I wasn't comfortable and the good Lord put a word in her ear that she ought to come. I feel she only came to avoid getting in trouble. At 12:15 A.M. my mother took her last breath. I was so heartbrroken, but glad that she was no longer suffering. the pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. Some days I don't kknow how I'll make it through. I cry a lot, sometimes randomly. I can't stand to be at home alone. We lived together, just her and I. It's what I was used to, it's all I've known. They say time will make it easier, but when?

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Latest Activity

Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
1 hour ago
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
2 hours ago
Billy Jo Colt commented on Ginger's blog post Can't let go
"Hi Ginger, your loss is so natural. Why should you let go? Don't let go. Keep your memories forever of her. You will never forget her no matter what happens. You are embarking on a journey of many emotions. Most come to terms with their loss.…"
5 hours ago
Maxey replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks, Joe.  I appreciate you describing your experience during your accident.  It gives me hope that there really is something after this life.  My greatest hope which keeps me going and half way sane is that we will be joined again…"
6 hours ago
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, Thanks for your honesty, and I feel the same. Personally, I hate it when people say it is our choice, to look forwards or back, etc, partly because that sounds like they are blaming the bereaved for feeling sad and missing their loves, and…"
6 hours ago
Marjorie Willcox replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxey, How I feel for you and can empathise so much.I ask myself that question How can we have been loved & cherished all those years and then be expected to move on within our lives. I too read inspirational stuff & have a psychiatric…"
7 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, You don't need to shape up Maxey, because I know I never will."
8 hours ago
Ginger commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Today is 1 month and 1 day that my daughter passed away from cancer and I miss her every day, so much so that I won't put her picture away because I don't want to forget her."
8 hours ago
JessesMom updated their profile
8 hours ago
joe kelly replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxie, Word for word I could have written what you did.  I've have the very same thoughts, all of them that you have.  I feel the same way.  I wish I could give you some positive outlook but I can't.  My wife died…"
9 hours ago
Marjorie Willcox and Maria panettieri are now friends
9 hours ago
Maria panettieri commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I know your pain , my husband and I were like Siamese twins, we were on a holiday in Italy when I woke up to find him dead beside me. My whole world has fallen down , he was and still is the live of my life. I guess this is the ultimate price one…"
10 hours ago
Maxey added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...

Has Not Happened

Hi, everyone,I have been going to a grief group since I felt I needed some direction to "get a life".The leader is a great guy and has some wisdom that for the moment I consider.  He told us that it is our choice of how we spend the rest of our lives without our loves.  We can either look forward or backward.  Well, it all sounds good until I get home to an empty house, an empty life, no friends I really like, a family who thinks I am doing "better", and a husband who is gone.  All the things…See More
10 hours ago
Maxey commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi,  i have'nt been around for a while.  I had the ridiculous notion that over time I would get better, but that has not happened.  I think, if anything, I am getting a bit "insane" thinking of how meaningless my life…"
11 hours ago
joe kelly replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you for sharing Sharon and sorry you lost you're true love, best friend and lover.  What I'm finding out is that everyone wants to fix me somehow, just like when you went for therapy.  From what I read and hear is that we…"
13 hours ago
Profile IconDonna Decker, JessesMom, Kare scarpine and 9 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
15 hours ago
Linda Engberg replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"To all my friends, all we can do is try to put one foot in front of the other, when we wake up to another day. "
17 hours ago
Sharon Stolp replied to joe kelly's discussion In agony in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Joe. I am so teribly sorry for the loss of your beloved. My dear husband died 2 years ago. Unlike your wife he would never go to the doctor, just worked 6/7 days a week waiting for the day he could retire. He died 2 weeks before his 64th…"
18 hours ago
Debbie Lynn Hallstrom joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group

Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Sharon Jane Sikich joined Katherine Ellis's group

Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More

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