Sarah
  • Female
  • West Terre Haute, IN
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 25 years old. I am Registered Behavior Therapist working one-on-one with autistic children doing ABA therapy.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother on September 6th, 2017. She was oficially diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2017, but they found the mass in June 2017. On August 15th, we found out that the cancer had also spread to her bones. She did one chemo treatment on August 24th and ended up in the hospital on the 25th due to difficulty breathing. She was in the hospital for one week and even ended up in the ICU. I watched her progressively decline and there was nothing I could do. On September 1st, I brought her home on Hospice. The nurses seemed nice and were helpful. The next three days were somewhat difficult. Doing this on my own was going to be harder than I thought. On Spetember 5th, Mom could no longer help me, she was dead weight. She eventually became unresponsive. Thing did not look good. The "death rattle" had also begun. I called the hospice nurse around 8:30 or so. She said "I think we're near the end. Call me when she's gone and I'll come help you clean her up and I'll call the mortician." I could not believe my ears! This is not why I picked Hospice! I went with Hospice so that someone would be there to walk me through this process and comfort my mother! I talked to her again a little later because my pastor and his wife thought she ought to be there with me. She then said "I thought we already discussed this. I'm 45 minutes to an hour away. By the time I got there and left, I'd just have to turn arounf and come back because shes gonna die tonight." About an hour later she showed up at my door saying she felt I wasn't comfortable and the good Lord put a word in her ear that she ought to come. I feel she only came to avoid getting in trouble. At 12:15 A.M. my mother took her last breath. I was so heartbrroken, but glad that she was no longer suffering. the pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. Some days I don't kknow how I'll make it through. I cry a lot, sometimes randomly. I can't stand to be at home alone. We lived together, just her and I. It's what I was used to, it's all I've known. They say time will make it easier, but when?

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Latest Activity

Peggy left a comment for Aaron Hoenig
"I'm so very sorry for your loss Aaron.  I lost my husband to cancer as well.  He died in August 2015.  It's early days right now and I hope you are feeling well supported by your family and friends.  Should you ever…"
2 hours ago
Alice Thompson left a comment for nat
"Dear Nat, I’m so very sorry you had to lose your beloved husband. I wish you strength and comfort as you make your way through these early days and nights. There are many kind souls on this site who know about deep pain, and I recommend…"
7 hours ago
Profile IconKar-Kate Leung, nat, Ambreen and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
9 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My brother called me the other day and he said are you ok? There is a twenty year age difference between us, so we are not that close and he lives five hours away. I said to him, yes I though you would…"
12 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Another bad day. I was shopping for Christmas cards and gift bags when without warning, I broke down in tears at the register. Thank goodness the cashier was a sensitive caring person and did not just blow me off. She said "Your Mom will always…"
14 hours ago
Stephanie Coyle joined Courtney Adams's group
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Suicide....Hard Knowing They did it By Their Choice

This is for some of us who have lost someone due to suicide...I miss you Annie!!!See More
22 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda and Morgan. It just hurts so much for all of us."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"((((((morgan))))))"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul, Each of us have memories of a time and day of the death of our beloved.  Mine just happened to come at a time of the year when normally the excesses of celebrating kick into high gear.  Not better not worse than anyone else's…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
yesterday
Peggy left a comment for Dawn W
"Hi Dawn, I saw your posts and wanted to introduce myself.  I'm also in Canada, in Ontario.  I lost my husband suddenly in 2015.  He had cancer but had been given 3 to 5 years and was gone in 8 weeks.  If you'd like to…"
Thursday
kim posted a status
"my beautiful son, its x mas again, ill be with you soon I promise, I love you forever mom"
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. "
Thursday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same. My love had a comprehensive stroke on 22 December, and died in hospital at 10pm on New Years Eve. Then I went “home” in a taxi amid fireworks."
Thursday
Profile IconAnn Appa, Alison Eley, Hannah and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Paul, I feel exactly like you do, I wish I could sleep the holidays away, I find no joy in them, it's just another day I am being tortured."
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, As hard as it is for the rest of us to endure the upcoming holidays it must be at least doubly difficult for you given the circumstances your husband and you were dealt with.  To everyone here who has put up with this hell for multiple…"
Thursday
Maxey is now friends with Cheyenne Steffen and Pamela philipp
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul,  In particular this time of the year everyone who hasn't lost their love is celebrating.  I used to be one of them. Then one day a long time ago, I took my sick husband to the hospital Xmas Eve day and found out the day after…"
Thursday

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