Sarah
  • Female
  • West Terre Haute, IN
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 25 years old. I am Registered Behavior Therapist working one-on-one with autistic children doing ABA therapy.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother on September 6th, 2017. She was oficially diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2017, but they found the mass in June 2017. On August 15th, we found out that the cancer had also spread to her bones. She did one chemo treatment on August 24th and ended up in the hospital on the 25th due to difficulty breathing. She was in the hospital for one week and even ended up in the ICU. I watched her progressively decline and there was nothing I could do. On September 1st, I brought her home on Hospice. The nurses seemed nice and were helpful. The next three days were somewhat difficult. Doing this on my own was going to be harder than I thought. On Spetember 5th, Mom could no longer help me, she was dead weight. She eventually became unresponsive. Thing did not look good. The "death rattle" had also begun. I called the hospice nurse around 8:30 or so. She said "I think we're near the end. Call me when she's gone and I'll come help you clean her up and I'll call the mortician." I could not believe my ears! This is not why I picked Hospice! I went with Hospice so that someone would be there to walk me through this process and comfort my mother! I talked to her again a little later because my pastor and his wife thought she ought to be there with me. She then said "I thought we already discussed this. I'm 45 minutes to an hour away. By the time I got there and left, I'd just have to turn arounf and come back because shes gonna die tonight." About an hour later she showed up at my door saying she felt I wasn't comfortable and the good Lord put a word in her ear that she ought to come. I feel she only came to avoid getting in trouble. At 12:15 A.M. my mother took her last breath. I was so heartbrroken, but glad that she was no longer suffering. the pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. Some days I don't kknow how I'll make it through. I cry a lot, sometimes randomly. I can't stand to be at home alone. We lived together, just her and I. It's what I was used to, it's all I've known. They say time will make it easier, but when?

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Latest Activity

Profile IconAmy Cabrera, Brenda, Lisa and 8 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
3 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, you can never say it enough. I kept thinking that my mom had taken her last breath, and then she would take one more breath. I kept saying, "I love you mom." When she finally did take her last breath, I wanted her to take another…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"God bless you Luisa, he will be there to give you strength tomorrow. For my mom she passed on the 19th of December, she was cremated on the following Monday, and I had to wait until after the Holidays to have her graveside service which was on New…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Luisa, My mom's funeral was delayed because of her death date (Christmas Eve). We had to wait until everyone was back in town from their holiday visiting. I think, I try not to think too much about that time, that it was almost two weeks before…"
yesterday
Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, just checking in. I'm sad to hear all the trouble with beloved pets recently. I'm so sorry. I know that some times when it rains it pours. Having a tough day today myself. I have to remind myself that God will give me what I…"
yesterday
Keith W Smith joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Friday
JO B commented on JO B's group fur kids
"big miss she is "
Friday
Jane Stilwell replied to Jane Stilwell's discussion New Here in the group I love my Dad.
"I sure am glad you have him with you, at least until you're ready to scatter. That is beautiful. We did not have a special place, but I can think of one place I could go to that he liked to shoot guns at. Thank you for the idea. My boyfriend…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Janet, Sorry about you loss. It has been 4 years since I lose my wonderful Husband.The grief never goes away but just gets easier to bear. "
Friday
Dennis C. replied to Meghan Doyle's discussion Caregiver to my grandpa. Could hospice affected his passing?
"Meghan I am so sorry for your loss. And your entire experience in this terrible loss. I was the main caregiver for my father in law. He had Alzheimer’s and his situation was a long agonizing experience. At the end, he was in hospice at home…"
Friday
Emma Milner replied to Jane Stilwell's discussion New Here in the group I love my Dad.
"I also cared for my Dad so ive had to find an entire new rountine well try too. So not seeing him everyday and chatting to him is hard. My Dad was cremated too. I have his ashes with me but not sure when I'll feel ready to scatter them. Is…"
Thursday
Jane Stilwell replied to Jane Stilwell's discussion New Here in the group I love my Dad.
"I hate to hear about your dad :( We expected my dad's passing, but it definitely still sucks. I'm with you about it hurting more now. It's like, I find myself wanting to call and tell him so many things, especially about my daughter…"
Thursday
JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"honst ansr is no "
Thursday
Emma Milner replied to Jane Stilwell's discussion New Here in the group I love my Dad.
"Hey Jane Im new too. Im the exact same. I lost my dad on May 14th this yr unexpectadly. I found it easier to deal with then than I do now. I miss him more now than i did in them first few weeks after. I am too struggling with everything. Having a…"
Thursday
Jane Stilwell commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Does it ever get better? I miss my dad so much, it has been 5 months. My daughter will never even remember meeting him. It seems like cancer is EVERYWHERE."
Thursday
Jane Stilwell joined Katherine Ellis's group
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
Thursday
Jane Stilwell added a discussion to the group I love my Dad.
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New Here

Hey everybody,I am new to this group and to online forum in general. I am very much a pen and paper person but I need support that I can get at any time of day due to full time work and parenting!Dad died on May 2nd this year and after the initial pain I thought I would be ok. As it turns out, the grief has snuck up behind me and I am really missing the hell out of him. How do others deal with this?See More
Thursday
Jane Stilwell joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
Thursday
Profile IconJane Stilwell, Kendra Lansdale, Alyson Moore and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Marine Marietta replied to Crystal K's discussion Its hard accepting my mother's death in the group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone. Thank you all for your sharing,I dont feel alone because I identify with you all. I am deeply greatful. My dear mother passed 20th September. I was angry with my sister because of how she treated my mother. I begged my mother to live…"
Thursday

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