Sarah
  • Female
  • West Terre Haute, IN
  • United States
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About Me:
I'm 25 years old. I am Registered Behavior Therapist working one-on-one with autistic children doing ABA therapy.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother on September 6th, 2017. She was oficially diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2017, but they found the mass in June 2017. On August 15th, we found out that the cancer had also spread to her bones. She did one chemo treatment on August 24th and ended up in the hospital on the 25th due to difficulty breathing. She was in the hospital for one week and even ended up in the ICU. I watched her progressively decline and there was nothing I could do. On September 1st, I brought her home on Hospice. The nurses seemed nice and were helpful. The next three days were somewhat difficult. Doing this on my own was going to be harder than I thought. On Spetember 5th, Mom could no longer help me, she was dead weight. She eventually became unresponsive. Thing did not look good. The "death rattle" had also begun. I called the hospice nurse around 8:30 or so. She said "I think we're near the end. Call me when she's gone and I'll come help you clean her up and I'll call the mortician." I could not believe my ears! This is not why I picked Hospice! I went with Hospice so that someone would be there to walk me through this process and comfort my mother! I talked to her again a little later because my pastor and his wife thought she ought to be there with me. She then said "I thought we already discussed this. I'm 45 minutes to an hour away. By the time I got there and left, I'd just have to turn arounf and come back because shes gonna die tonight." About an hour later she showed up at my door saying she felt I wasn't comfortable and the good Lord put a word in her ear that she ought to come. I feel she only came to avoid getting in trouble. At 12:15 A.M. my mother took her last breath. I was so heartbrroken, but glad that she was no longer suffering. the pain is worse than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life. Some days I don't kknow how I'll make it through. I cry a lot, sometimes randomly. I can't stand to be at home alone. We lived together, just her and I. It's what I was used to, it's all I've known. They say time will make it easier, but when?

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Latest Activity

Darien commented on Cathy Richardson's group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Hello Krista,I'm afraid this forum isn't as active as some of us would like. I remember when I first came out here two years ago, raw with emotion. I still have times when I find myself still grieving, although it isn't as painful now…"
56 minutes ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I understand Brett, but I don't want to be "checked out" They mess with your mind, I just want to be myself again."
4 hours ago
Silke B. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"When the stars shine up in the sky, I miss you. When the sun rises & sets every day, I miss you. When the rain falls and everything looks bright and beautiful, I miss you. Every day, every hour, in every way, in everything I do, I miss you."
11 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I also would like to hear from Bluebell."
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I finally came to the realization that what I was doing wasn't working for me. And I realized that taking an anti-depressant couldn't be any worse than crying all of the time, not sleeping, and destroying myself with guilt and…"
13 hours ago
Rebecca Clemens posted a blog post

Life without them

It's been 2 years and 2 months since I lost my dad, and 1 year and 3 months since u lost my grandmother. Sometimes I feel like they were never here, like this is normal life without them. Then I have moments when I want to curl up in a ball and just cry because it hurts so much to miss them. I try to remember the good moments but all I can think about is the last days.The other day I was at the hospital with a friend and when we walked in I saw my dad, like I was shook this older women was…See More
13 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well it probably did help me but I gained about 20 pounds and I hardly eat anything because of my IBS so I don’t know what happened"
16 hours ago
Rebecca Clemens is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
16 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Ok thanks Theresa. I sometimes want to try them but skeptical. "
17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I tried one Lexapro I did the pediatric does of 5mg"
17 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, are you trying too many anti depressants?"
17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Ok so my friend had to do the unthinkable, her dog is not suffering anymore.  But it just set off a crying spell with me. Maybe I need to go to the dr again, for the 10th time. So he can just look at me and say, do you want to try and…"
17 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell how are you?"
17 hours ago
Miriam updated their profile
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I hope your Dad is doing well.  That must have been hard on you being in the hospital.  I am also sorry you are having more guilt like me.  It’s a horrible feeling.  Also one that others don’t understand."
yesterday
Monty replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Im sorry for your loss no matter how long ago it is. i can only imagine the pain and emotions you are still going though. for me it was taking care of the kids and finding one thing to achieve (no matter how small) helped a lot. it was as small…"
Sunday
M Adams left a comment for Jarvis
"Thank you for creating this site, it is a lifeline for many people.  Hope your health is improving every day."
Sunday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope every one is doing fine. Last week my father got an infection and was hospitalized so could not follow much here. Now he is better and recovering.  Virginia, you seem to be totally engrossed in the guilt which I can…"
Sunday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My boyfriend finally gave up.  I don’t blame him at all. And Brett I will tell you I don’t deserve the prayers, pray for my Mom please."
Sunday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So the dr talked to my therapist and he told her the same things he told me.  I had asked her to try to get more answers.  I actually feel worse because I had someone ask some doctors about using ventilators.  The oncologist told us…"
Sunday

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