I'm a 68 year-old man living in Saint Petersburg, Florida.
About my Loss:
For the second time in my life, a younger partner has succombed before me. I was with Javier for 16 years, he was 20 years younger, and died a few years ago at the young age of 42. I was with Brad, who was 33 years younger, for just two years and I lost him last Saturday night; he was just 35. We had come home from visiting friends and I was tired and went right to bed. Brad said he wanted to take a dip in the pool, but he'd be in shortly. I woke up 2 hours later, the light was on but Brad was not in bed. I had a terrible sense of foreboding, went out to the lanai, and found him face down at the bottom of our pool. I pulled him out, called 911, and tried to resuscitate him, but he was too far gone. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that image out of my mind, him lying at the bottom of the pool. He had started taking some prescription drugs for anxiety and another muscle relaxer (he had fallen off a roof a few years ago and suffered occasionally from cramping) that he hadn't taken for quite awhile. He only had one glass of wine, so we really don't know what happened. The autopsy listed the death as undetermined and it will take 90 days before we get the toxicology report. I keep beating myself up, thinking there must be something I could have done to prevent this tragedy, but everyone assures me that I need to stop this. I had to get out of the house so traveled north to visit my mother, I don't feel now like I'll ever be able to return. I have never experienced pain like this - I think it's due to the nature of his death and my discovery of it. All I know is that he loved me and I loved him very much, and I don't think I'll ever fully recover from this. I think I'll need to seek out a good grief counselor when I return to Florida, but thought I'd sign onto this site just to be able to communicate with others who may be suffering similar losses. I don't seem to be able to focus on anything else. Tags:
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