Robin
  • Female
  • Muncie, IN
  • United States
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Missing my beautiful husband.
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I lie awake and think of youTears fill my eyes.I long to feel your touch, hear your voice, stoke your hair, kiss your lips.I cling to your clothesI fear your scent is leaving them.My shattered heart…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Tye Feb 1, 2015.

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About Me:
I'm 42. I lost the love of my life on Dec. 3, 2014, my beautiful Joe, my husband.
About my Loss:
I went to work kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him. At work I always texted him on my break. He wasn't responding to them. He was reading them. So worried I called. I never call. He answered and had a friend there. I was relieved and made the call short. We exchanged I love you's and hung up. I came home from work to find him on the kitchen floor. He was cold. He had a heart attack 2 yrs. prior. There was evidence of drug use. But, I don't think he od'd. I think he had another heart attack. I found a bottle of aspirin on the floor a few feet from him. I am beyond devastated.

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At 1:23am on January 7, 2015, bdabbs said…

thank you robin for your thoughts. im sorry for your tragic loss as well. sometimes its easy to fall into thinking that my loss is more "hurtful" than others, but i know thats not true. i attended a support group tonight for the first time and it is shocking to me to realize how many people are going through the same pain that i am, even though their loss was different. i am 45, cant imagine livng like 25 -30 more years without my Breezy. she was the joy of our house, we laughed everyday. but i realize that everyone had that special connection to their lost loved one. her door is shut, its too painful to go in there. i know whats in there, her pajamas from the morning she died still on her unmade bed. 2 months ago i had visions of her marching band next year as we had enjoyed this first one so much, and homecomings & proms & graduation & maybe marriage & grandchildren. now i will have none of those things. its like she kept me young. now i feel like i turned into an old woman over night. i know i am lucky to have a partner, he is a boyfriend he is 52 he lives here and me him & breezy were a little family. we dont really have anyone else. Do you have children? i hope we can find some peace thats all im seeking at this point, i know that happiness is out of the question. but i am tortured evryday about what went on in that house that morning, i know i have to accept that ill probably never have the answers. i hope i can live with that. my partner & i cant really comfort each other its hard because he is grieving as well and just as much. im trying to avoid going into a hospital, that is a last resort. i miss my girl so much. she looked just like me so im having a hard time looking in the mirror. its hard to take a shower. all the pics we took down off the walls for the funeral are still in a corner of the livingroom wrapped in bubblewrap. are the mornings worse for you? they are the worst for me. i wake up & immediately have an anxiety attack. my counslor says i have ptsd from the morning those cops came and told me, and they were horrible about it anyway, but thats another story. anyway, i look forward to chatting with you again. i just joined this thing and am dumb as a brick on a computer so hopefully thsi message reaches you. i will try to keep you in my thoughts and you do the same for me & maybe that will give us a minute or 2  of distraction anyway, -bdabbs

 
 
 

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