• Female
  • Kingston, Ontario
  • Canada

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  • Jay Zimmermann
  • Michael
  • Kimberly
  • Joseph
  • Paula Marie
  • Lori Eckenrode
  • Shannie L.
  • Linda Engberg
  • kathleen akin
  • bluebird

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Latest Activity

Peggy left a comment for L.O
"I know the only way I could describe how I felt at the beginning was that I felt like I'd had a limb ripped off of my body.  No surgery, just torn away.  You're a team, it's a small team, only 2 members but still, 1/2 of the…"
Jan 3
L.O left a comment for Peggy
"Thank you Peggy, im not sure how i came across this site but im glad i have somewhere to talk. I do have lots of support from family and friends but i feel they dont understand as they all still have their partners. I lost my father almost 5 years…"
Jan 3
Peggy left a comment for L.O
"Oh sweetie, you're not single, you're a widow.  He was your partner and had he not died, you'd be getting married.  I'm so so sorry for your loss.  I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be for you with your…"
Jan 3
Peggy replied to L.O's discussion lost my soulmate in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm very very sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband suddenly in August 2015.  A friend of mine who had lost her husband unexpectedly a couple of years before I did, sent me a really helpful book and I've sent it to a number of…"
Jan 3
Peggy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Stewart, thank you so much for your post.  You're an inspiration! It takes time and a lot of work but I too believe that you can get through this (although I always say you never get over it).  Since I lost my husband in 2015…"
Dec 20, 2017
Peggy left a comment for Kay
"I'm so sorry for your loss Kay.  I lost my husband in 2015 and while I know you never ever get over a loss like this, you can get through it. I hope you find some folks here who lost someone in similar circumstances.  Talking to…"
Dec 18, 2017
Peggy left a comment for Aaron Hoenig
"I'm so very sorry for your loss Aaron.  I lost my husband to cancer as well.  He died in August 2015.  It's early days right now and I hope you are feeling well supported by your family and friends.  Should you ever…"
Dec 16, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
Dog lover (all breeds), BSL opponent, feminist, survivor, LGTBQ ally, atheist, sometimes blogger, amateur photographer, music nerd, geeky girl... I often feel like I have a long way to go and a short time to get there.
About my Loss:
My husband Mark died suddenly on Sunday, August 16, 2015. He had cancer (he died from complications caused by colon cancer which had metastasized to his liver). 8 weeks after being told he'd have 3 to 5 years he passed away. We were together for 16 years.

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Peggy's Blog

Seven Months

This was originally posted on my blog on Wednesday, March 16 -

I have been writing online/blogging since 2000. Videos and podcasts are not things I have a lot of experience with. Except for a review of a coffee maker I did over a year ago, I have never made a video of myself. I felt the urge to do this earlier this evening after I visited the other house for the last time (the sale closes tomorrow). I wasn't sure if I…


Posted on March 18, 2016 at 12:00pm


This was originally posted yesterday on my blog,

So far this winter, thank goodness, the weather has been good to us.  Before I moved back into the city, there was only one day that was a little scary as far as winter driving went.  One day between November and mid-January?  I can't complain, and I won't.  Prior to this year, I had almost no winter driving experience.  Mark always drove when the…


Posted on February 18, 2016 at 5:30am

Five months

My husband died 5 months ago today.

For the first time since he died I am alone in our house. Earlier today I dropped my beloved doggies off to be boarded for 2 days while I move house. I cried in the van after I dropped them off. We haven't had a night apart since Mark died.

I am sitting here surrounded by chaos. Tomorrow morning I will be surrounded by dear friends and my wonderful family. They are helping me with wave one of the move (boxes and misc stuff) and movers… Continue

Posted on January 16, 2016 at 7:04pm — 2 Comments

Reflections on a shitty week

This was published earlier today on my blog (  Thought I would share it here too as it deals with death and widowhood.

I shouldn’t say that the entire week is shitty because it’s not over yet.  This leads me to wonder what next?  What other horrible news can I wake up to, tomorrow morning?  Which of my favourite musicians or actors or writers have died?  Which of my friends or relatives has…


Posted on January 14, 2016 at 8:24pm — 3 Comments

Comment Wall (10 comments)

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At 1:02pm on January 3, 2018, L.O said…

Thank you Peggy, im not sure how i came across this site but im glad i have somewhere to talk. I do have lots of support from family and friends but i feel they dont understand as they all still have their partners. I lost my father almost 5 years ago at first i was a mess but i got through it as i had my partner by my side, this pain im feeling is totally different to what i felt with my dad as i feel i have nowhere to go with it. We have six children together oldest is fourteen, youngest is ten months and i keep telling myself and our children that hes now our guardian angel watching over us and our angel baby x

At 1:51pm on February 8, 2017, Jay Zimmermann said…

Thank you Peggy for being so kind and understanding.  You seem to really get what it was like with me.

At 10:50pm on May 14, 2016, Jason said…
Thanks again I think I am going to try to sleep now hope you all have a good nite
At 10:39pm on May 14, 2016, Jason said…
Thank you very much as if it's not hard enough not talking to anyone is making it very hard I haven't got a clue what I am doing so I thank you for listening
At 9:32am on March 30, 2016, Joseph said…

Hi Peggy, thanks for the friend request. I am three weeks in today.  Lost my beautiful boy to lung cancer in just over 2 months.  We had an extraordinary relationship for more than 34 years.  I feel like the smallest most insignificant creature in the world.  A few months ago I could accomplish anything.  Today just breathing is a struggle.  Your generosity of spirit has helped a bit.  Also, sister, I grieve for your loss.  The love in his eyes is striking and the joy on your face is lovely to behold.  I hope there words are a comfort and not painful.  Keep writing and reaching out.  You are a missionary.

At 4:57pm on February 18, 2016, kathleen akin said…

Hi Peggy. thanks for the friend request. :)

At 2:07pm on December 24, 2015, Elaine Henderson said…
Thank you Peggy for reaching out....the pain is unimaginable, especially at this time of the year....appreciate your welcome message.
At 9:46am on December 14, 2015, Hilary Christene said…

Aww, Peggy. There is so much love emanating all through these pictures of your life together. Mark's eyes are so kindly and warm. Sending love your way. <3

At 1:54pm on December 10, 2015, Shannie L. said…


Thanks for your quick reply.  I was touched to see you'd written back so quickly.  I've never thought of cancer as a thief, but you're right.  It stole my mom and won't give her back.  Her illness was so brief and her death so quick that we didn't really "do" cancer.  No chemo, no radiation, never got plugged into the support networks.  It's kind of hard for me to relate to those who had a more typical experience with cancer death.  

Part of me considers that a blessing.  Mom hated doctors and hospitals and could not tolerate any medications.  She wouldn't even take Tylenol.  She would never have been able to endure any cancer treatment.  We knew she was sick for a year or so but the stubborn woman flat out refused to go to the doctor.  On the other hand, she might still be alive.  The second guessing kills me.  

Mom was raised Baptist and my Dad was Episcopalian growing up.  By the time I'd come along, Mom was a 70s New Ager and Dad was agnostic.  We used to go the Unitarian Church, and as a kid I would tell adults who asked that I was a Unitarian when they asked about my religion.  I grew up in a very conservative area so was often directly asked about this.  Telling people I was a Unitarian killed two birds with one stone - it was an ok response to our family's religion and since most people have no idea what a Unitarian is, and most adults weren't willing to tell a kid this, they would stop asking me questions.  

Like you, I know when people make comments about Mom being in Heaven or God having a purpose they are trying to be comforting.  Their comments come from a loving heart.  But to me, it's like nails on a chalk board at this point.  I am out at work and in my personal life as an atheist, but it still doesn't always stop the comments.  I had a co-worker/friend say to me, "Well, you believe in God now that your Mom has died, right?"  It just makes me feel more alone.  

At 12:51am on December 10, 2015, Shannie L. said…

Hi Peggy,

Hm, not sure how to start.  But I read your story and wanted to reach out to you.  Mom mother died unexpectedly on September 26, 2015.  We had just found out she had cancer 16 days before that.  We never got all the tests done to get a prognosis or final diagnosis.  She was just gone so quickly.  

Some days I do ok, but recently I have been struggling.  I, too, am an atheist, which makes grieving complicated, I think.  Not grieving, really, but finding good support, understanding support, that isn't full of things I don't believe. So, I wanted to say hi, and see if you wanted to talk.  


Latest Activity

Alice Thompson commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Hello Virginia, I’m so sorry you are going through this hell. PTSD has been part of my grieving process too. I think that when we lose someone who is absolutely essential to us, our brains don’t have the ability to adjust to the changed…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G posted a blog post

Post traumatic stress disorder

I am experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.  Some days I cry a lot, others not much.  I get upset when I don’t cry.  I feel as if I should be crying all day every day because the thing I feared the most my whole life happened.  How have I not had ten heart attacks by now?  Some days I have bad flashbacks of the hospital.  Other days I feel like I can’t process what happened.  Is my mind blocking what happened to protect me from the pain?  Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.  Am I…See More
10 hours ago
Marlene Kublin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
20 hours ago
Ginger posted a blog post

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on…

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on occasion. When friends talk about their adult daughters it brings to light the realization that I once had that and I don't anymore and the tears come. I guess when I'm not reminded,I want to still think she is here,only a phone call away. Already many things have changed, we used to talk on the…See More
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The group I belong to is "Still Mourn Husband after 5 Years" they also have other groups or you can start your own. Linda"
lorraine knight posted a discussion

Grief that hits you at odd moments

While grocery shopping I noted a man sitting waiting for his wife as I surmised, my husband used to do wait patiently for me. It hit me hard that I no longer had anyone waiting for me.  So alone after 36 years.......See More
AnneJ. commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Ah, Morgan. And Bluebird and Linda and Mel and Alice and all you others who let me walk with you from cave to cave during these dreadful years of an examined life. I'm so tired I can't even write lately; our old friends, where are they...…"
kathy replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"The discussion groups, are they on this web site?"
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The best online support group I found is "Grief Healing Discussion Groups", my Husband has been gone 5 years and everyday is still hell, this site you on now did not help.  Linda  "
kathy added 2 discussions to the group Lost My Spouse...
kathy joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Profile IconLeanne Lloyd, lorraine knight, Cristen Schone and 4 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Ginger replied to Michael Thompson's discussion I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. in the group Losing Someone to Cancer
"I lost my daughter to cancer almost 2 months ago. I felt if I let myself go and laughed I would be forgetting about the memory of my  daughter,but recently I began to laugh at jokes but then I would pull back and remember my daughter and what…"
Ginger posted a blog post

Something is missing

I feel that a part of me is missing and I don't know what it is. I lost my only daughter to cancer 2 months ago,she was my best friend,she moved to FL with her husband and children but we talked on the phone every Mon. and Thurs. for hours. Before her passing,I was happy and didn't let things bother me,but now it seems like everything  bothers me especially the little things,and I have to force myself to be happy.See More
Vicki replied to Trevy Thomas's discussion Healing in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan, I so feel you. Grief is not one size fits all. Everyone's story is different and so is the grieving process and recovery or lack of. We all come here to express our feelings without judgement. This is the place where we can find…"
Eva Van posted a status
"4 years...Still missing her"
Hhertz updated their profile
Susan and morgan are now friends
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Marie and Joy, if you are still reading, I just want to let you know that I am thinking about both of you. God Bless you both."
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No worries Theresa.  Bluebell"

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