Hello, I lost my Dad when I was 9 and my sister when I was 13 and almost lost Mom when I was 17. In Sept., 2018, Mom did pass away.
I grew up wondering who in my family was going to die next so I obsessed about death. Likely from being young when I lost my Dad and sister. It took me years and years to heal from my sister’s death especially. With Mom’s; because I’d always dreaded she’d be gone when I was still young, I was actually ready for. I looked at it like I was so thankful she’d been blessed with 30 more years than she would have had if she had not had the emergency heart surgery when she was 50. She did not see it that way exactly though and she didn’t want to die. She had cancer. She looked to me to help save her. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt. But that’s nothing compared to what she went through so I bear it as I should. One of the last things she said was that I shouldn’t have brought her to ‘that’ hospital, (The Hospice, where they only make you comfortable.) and that I should have kept her in the ‘other one’. (The regular hospital where they would have helped to treat her, but had advised me she was close to death and it was time to move her to Hospice to make her comfortable.). I never told her they had advised me she needed to be transferred there. She thought it was me. That I was just letting her die I guess?
Anyway, I’m here not about me but about my husband whose Mom died 7 years ago. He wasn’t religious then and was actually angry with God up until a year and a half ago. Now he’s completely obsessed and religious driven because he believes it’s the only way he’ll see his Mom again. Everything now is about God. We can’t have a conversation without God being referenced. It almost doesn’t feel or seem healthy. I feel like it’s more of a state of desperate bargaining that was delayed until now because he was very attached to her and can’t bear forever without her. I get that part. I do. But I feel like he’s placed himself into this warm bubble of rainbows and butterflies instead of accepting and really coping realistically. Btw-I was a part of the church way before him, so it’s not like I don’t understand the draw or the way it pulls you in and suddenly becomes the answer to everything. But as I got older, I became more of a realist.
I wouldn’t care what it was that helped him cope, except when it comes to our relationship, I don’t even know him anymore. It’s like being around the church Pastor ALL THE TIME. There’s no more balance.
I’m hoping to find others who can share thoughts and ideas or insight into such a situation?
Thanks for reading
About my Loss:
I lingered for years obsessed with my Dad and sister’s deaths and about death in general. Mom passed recently. I’m Ok. I’ve learned a lot through the journey.
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