Nicole
  • Female
  • United States
Share on Facebook MySpace
  • Blog Posts
  • Discussions
  • Groups
  • Photos (9)
  • Photo Albums
  • Videos

Nicole's Friends

  • morgan

Gifts Received

Gift

Nicole has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

 

Nicole's Page

Profile Information

About Me:
Survivor
About my Loss:
I lost my Brother to a heroin overdose. I was worried about him and when I went to his apartment it was too late. He had died. I didn’t know he was doing heroin. I knew that he struggled with painkillers for years and untreated grief and trauma. He tried many times to detox, but never moved forward to the emotional part. Logically I know that I am not at fault. I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control it. But I am in the part of my grief where I am experiencing “What If’s and I / we should have done more. It breaks my heart to know he was suffering and needed more help. It tears me up inside that all of the things I had said and wanted to try with him fell on deaf ears or were way sided by denial.I feel like the moment he tried it he never had a chance to get the demon off of his back. I watched him turn into a different person, I watched him struggle, I saw his pain. It was all so sad, stressful and worriesome over a 10 yr period. We were close in age and since I was born I always wanted to be right next to him. I felt lucky when he would let me. He had a big heart, was kind, loving, smart, funny and genuine. He had the most beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes. All of my friends loved him. I feel awful for getting mad at him over the years because I felt like he was taking away my Parents golden years with his addiction. It was a big secret I was told I needed to keep by family members. The secret of addiction was consuming me. I go to therapy and am an al anon and it’s the only solace. This is the second sibling I’ve lost. The pain is deep, the feelings and emotions are raw. Everything I have experienced since the moment I discovered him has been grim. All of it too real. I will never be the same and I can’t relate to others right now. I am just try8ng to cope with the trauma, the loss and even though I was there to find him I am still in shock and disbelief. Nighttime is the worst for me and when when I wake up. I’m worried about my Parents. My brother and I were supposed to take care of them together. I miss him, I love him and I am devastated. Love and prayers are needed.

Nicole's Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

Comment Wall (1 comment)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 3:30pm on December 30, 2017, morgan said…

Nicole, The tribute you just paid in explaining your grief is something your brother heard.  He loves you.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service