Maria
  • Female
  • Browns Mills, NJ
  • United States
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Joe Kelly left a comment for Maria
"Maria, The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th…"
Sep 3, 2019
morgan left a comment for Maria
"Maria,   My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years. And some of the…"
Sep 3, 2019
Maria is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sep 1, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
I'm married to an amazing man. He has supported me and my parents through so much. I'm an only child and have just lost my mom. My mom was Korean and my dad was Italian. I grew up with a lot of the Asian influences and customs of the culture.
About my Loss:
My dad was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. He was only 60 years old. He paased away last June at the age of 65. Towards the end he was unable to walk, talk, feed himself and he was in diapers. My husband and I would give him bed baths ebery other day. We didn't live with my parents but we would go over every few houra to change his diapers and see if my mom needed anything. The week before he passed we found out my mom had lung cancer. This was on top of her 20+yr old kidney transplant, her double heart bypass from 2yrs prior (which ended up with her getting sepsis, a peg tube, and a tracheostomy that I learned to care for after she came home from a 2 month stay in hospital and rehab), she had thyrpid issues, diabetes and high bloodpressure. My mom had made it through so much. I thought she was invincible. She had pushed through so much and fought for her life. On Saturday morning she was complaining about her pain in the side of her stomach. I took her to the ER. They did a catscan that day and admitted her. Then on Monday they did a biopsy. On Thursday the dr came in and said she was at stage 4 inoperable cancer. She had a grapefruit sized growth in her large intestine. I thought we were going to talk it out together and she was coming home with me on Friday. Thursday night I got a call from the hospital that she was found on the floor of the bathroom and was unresponsive. They were able to revive her and transferred her to ICU. That night her heart just couldn't keep going. I lost my mom 14 months after losing my dad. I'm absolutely shattered. I don't know what to do.

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 7:01pm on September 3, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Maria,

The only comfort I can possibly provide is that your mother and father are blissfully reunited eternally in spirit.  I lost my wife to cancer over 18 months ago.  We were together since age 16 and would had celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this December 3rd.  In 1982, I had what I called an OBE (out of body experience) which was published on the NDERF (near death experience research foundation).  They classified it as an NDE.  I was hit and thrown by a truck, felt nothing and found my self like an invisible cloud floating above my body.  It was blissful like I could stay there forever.  I saw things that I shouldn't had been able to see because of the position of my body.  A thought of my pregnant wife suddenly flashed through my consciousness and thought to myself, no, I can't go yet.  I dove back into my body seeing myself getting closer to it as I dove inside, yet it was so fast.  That experience never left me as I can remember it like it just happened.  Why am I telling you this?  Because my spirit separated from my body.  True, I didn't go all the way but it is enough to believe that there is conscious life after death.  My wife and I had true love for each other as though we were one.  We often talked about the fact that we will be together forever when we pass on throughout the years.  When I held her in my arms the final hours, we spoke about the love we have for each other.  It was nice that our grown children got there before she passed so she could see them.  She smiled up at them and said she was sorry, feeling sad they were crying.  She even told me not to cry and I said I can't help it, I love you with all my heart and soul.  I gave her a final kiss.  I asked if she believes that we will be together forever someday and she said yes.  That was her final thought.  Then she took her final breath.  My first thought was that I have to go where she just went and I pray each night is my last.  I have a few health issues that I hope will take me out soon.  That's my only "till then", and will be my last thought when I go.  My children knew our love and they actually pray for me to go to her.  I tell them that when I go, don't mourn, Celebrate!  Celebrate knowing that we are reunited where we belong, together.  Yes, there are times when I wonder, but my OBE reinforces me.

The worst part is missing her physical presence, sharing our love for one another here.  It's torturous at times and I'm sure it's the same for you.  Missing their presence in your life.

My only suggestion is for you to think about how happy they are together right now.  There are cases where seconds before the death of a person with Alzheimer's, regained all memory and recognition of those around them.  These were reported by hospice caretakers.  Their love will live on together as will their spirits as ONE.

God Bless, Joe 

At 1:06pm on September 3, 2019, morgan said…

Maria,  

My heart goes out to you.  Alzheimers is a devastating long term drawn out disease to watch as our loved one loses contact with reality.  I lived it out with my mom.  It took seven and half years.

And some of the circumstances of your moms pre-death miic some of my own with my husband.  The part that hit me was the they found stage 4 from a pain in her stomach.  Same with my husband.  And to liken it a step further I found him on the floor of our bathroom.  I was getting ready to take him to his first oncologists appt.  He was extremely ill after the operation to remove his several tumors but to find him as I did I am still reeling from the feeling.  

Some posts on here get me good.  Yours is one.  I am still struggling daily to find reason to want to live.  Stay close to your own husband,  he can help you  get through this.  Life is the wave we all ride until our end.  Too much to say and so little explanation.........

morgan 

 
 
 

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M Adams commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
"So sorry to hear of your experience with aphasia...how scary and awful! Don’t know if this is what you meant by almost comedic but there is definitely a nasty black humour vibe to inflicting that problem on a radio broadcaster of all people,…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Mel Royer's blog post Dark Night and Day of the Soul
"Thanks for checking in Mel.  I had to look up aphasia.  I would hazard a guess that your neural system has taken a beating from your grief and your brain just wants to shut down.  I know I have times where I stutter during a breakdown…"
Sunday
morgan left a comment for Susan Bishop
"Susan B,  I am so sorry.  To try and live without that person who was by your side for 52 years is a living nightmare.  I had 35 married years but 55 of knowing him (since second grade).  That much history buries the person left…"
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dream moon JO B posted photos
Saturday
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"not bean a grt wk on pepple passin i no plu  plus near dads anvers 10 or 9 daysi am i no its bean 8 yrs "
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, Thanks for your kind post. I feel the same as you about getting another pet. No other dog could ever take her place and no man could ever take the place of My Dear Husband, Julian. As with you, I don't want to face anymore deaths…"
Saturday
Mel Royer posted a blog post

Dark Night and Day of the Soul

Hello Morgan, Bluebird, Linda at al. I'm sorry it has been so awfully long since my last contact.  A Year? I have always read the posts, though and have felt the same horrible burning pain I have the last, nearly 5 years since Nancy left me. I have had a couple of tia's including a lengthy bout of "aphasia". It was almost comedic as I couldn't talk but kept trying to tell the emt's which hospital to drop me at. This year, I have come to the concludion will be my year, 2020 will be the year I…See More
Saturday
Susan Bishop is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same as both of you. morgan, I'm sorry you had a particularly bad day -- I certainly know what that's like. I hope today is easier for you. Linda, I know what you mean about your dog. When our cat died, aside from the sadness I…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, I just wish I could have died with Julian. Like you, everyday I just go through motions. I am blessed with my Sweet Dog, Babie J. I am living for her. She now has dementia and it is so sad to watch her declining. She has been by side…"
Saturday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Amen Linda.......Today for whatever reason was a particularly rough day.  I am exhausted from crying.   I just don't know how long I can keep pushing forward.  I am definitely in the hate mode......."
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Maybe open yourself up, try to ride that love and passion I see in you. You loved your husband so deeply, focus on that. Maybe we are still here because we need to evolve a bit more or do something that God wants us to do. looking back I feel you…"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Exactly If We are wrong we won’t know it, but we do know that we are energy (souls), basic physics says energy cannot be destroyed. Anything is better than existing here in this void!"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"If you focus on the light and the good, that’s is God! I have felt it, I don’t know anything about plans or why people get taken before others but I do know that wherever that next realm  is I’m ready to go I am not…"
Friday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That's great that you have no doubt about the existence of an afterlife. I doubt there's a god, but if there is one I'm not convinced it's a loving God, as it allowed my husband to die young(-ish) and one week after our wedding.…"
Friday
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Morgan, Over the years I have thought that Bluebird gets it much more than almost everyone who has written about this - at least from my point of view. At the root of this, I think, it's the absence of their presence that hurts so much.  I…"
Friday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"bluebird I can’t help but hold out hope in reading all these entries from people that some of them made it to the next realm. That is the reason we don’t hear from some anymore, because they passed on with with their loved ones.  I…"
Thursday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you, Joe. It does help a little bit."
Thursday
morgan replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Jeff,  Amazing isn't it?  I keep asking myself how it is I could still hurt so much from having my husband no longer with me on this earthly plane.  Not because I don't know it isn't possible but more, what is it that…"
Thursday

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