Marcia Jan McGinnis
  • Female
  • Modesto, CA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am 58 year old Christian woman, mother of one daughter, sister, friend to many, and deeply sad . For the most part I keep my grief hidden, at least to those outside my home. My family was made up of such loving people who loved being together, especially at holidays. I deeply want to restore the joy I used to have. I used to be athletic in my younger years, enjoy the out of doors, music, the beach. I am most peaceful at the ocean.
About my Loss:
It was a summer morning when the call came. Mom said she had fallen and hit her head and thought she should be seen by a doctor.She had been giving her patio flowers water before heading to the mall to buy birthday gifts for her granddaughters. I rushed over, to find mom very much together, with an ice pack on her face near her temple. At the hospital we were told that she had a blood clot as a result of the fall. She needed immediate surgery. She asked to be transferred to Stanford University so as to have the best medical help possible, but there was no time, if she was to survive. My mom was a vibrant, fun loving, caring person to many, mom, grandma, and my best friend. How could this happen ? After surgery she was back to new. But within twenty-four hours everything changed. Next came another surgery, ICU, a brief rehab hospital stay, home care and after six months of giving all I had ,finally Hospice. After sitting by her bedside for forty-five days and nights at the Hospice House being told her death would happen any minute, it came, only minutes after I had stepped away from her bed after being awake with her all night. I was the main decision maker throughout the entire ordeal. The guilt is unmanageable. I miss my best friend more than I miss a mother. The pain is so deep. I am an otherwise strong person and have endured tradgey before, but this is completely new territory. This is our third Christmas without her .

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Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
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Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
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Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

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