Linda Wishart
  • Female
  • Fallon, NV
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 55 year old mother with three natural daughter's and an older step-daughter. All four grew up together.
I love being a mother and miss it terribly, I thought the empt nest years were bad, but six years later Kelly died. Kelly and u never lived far from one another. Either sharing a home with her man and kids or living across the street. We worked together at 3 different jobs, we were close. I was on grandchild 4 when Kelly gave birth to a child, in a short, was supposed to die within 2 days, then 2 weeks, two months, and finally doctor said definately no longer than a year. Seven years later Destiny Angel passed 2009. Immediately after Destiny's birth my 21 year old daughter became pregnant with her third, CA miracle child, kept Kelly alive. Wondering every day, as Destiny seized or stoped breathing, is it this time? Destiny's life was very stressful on myself and Kelly. By this time I had eight grandchildren! Living every minute, still raising my youngest daughter, (10-13) years younger than the older 3 daughters. I, as a single mother for 19 years, always worked two jobs,and began college at 45 years old, full time straight eight years. From no college and with a 25 year old GED to a Masters Degree, I stayed busy. Any free time went to my kiddos. I didn't socialize, date, or marry. My Children and Grandchildren - My Life.
On October 14, 2014, while at work I received a phone call at 8:01 a.m. by a hysterical 11 year old grandaughter, sister to Destiny Angel and was napping with her big sister Destiny Angel at the time of her oassing. But that was 5 years earlier. She was saying between sobs that she kept blowing air into mommy's purple face , but the police said she's gone.
I completely lost all functions, bodily fluids, and let out a primal and gutteral screams. I remember co workers running into my office and me wanting to get to my daughter's home; Maliyah Rain 11 had called 911 and did cpr until they arrived . I don't remember much else about that day, except that I laid on the body bag and the officers and corornor allowed me to lay with her for about 15 minutes. They had to pull me off my daughter.
This PAIN IS LIKE NO OTHER. I feel empty un my torso, so empty that my body will just suddenly fold over, even if my legs remain upright. It's now been 2.5 weeks, funeral has come and gone. Which besides day one, I have spent completely alone in my home. My already dysfunctional family, fell apart after losing my brother in 2007. I am completely estranged from all family with the exception of My Children and Grandchildren.
As stated earlier I took my first college couse at 45 years old, I now have a Masters if Science in Marriage Family And Child, and emphasis on Neuroscience, Addictions, and mother daughter relationships. I truly mean My Children are my world. I still work two jobs (one being a private practice) and working on PhD. This past summer My Caring Loving Kelly came and nursed me following a surgery incision from Ear to Adams Apple for Cell Phone Caused Cancer! She for me and I for her we were always there.
About my Loss:
As I started, Kelly Ann passed away 10-14-2014. The daughter who has been living wither her mother and stepfather and older brother; found solace (still in shock) in setting up a rooms for herself, brother and step-dad in my home. She just aautomatically assumed no one would live where mom died and it kept her busy, judt 8 hours following finding her mother.Her after being active drug addict, after already serving two terms in prison, came to my home and took her. The children are now separate within four hours of their mothers death. It is just terrible, I am afraid I won't makeit back to the productive functioning, strong, single woman that I became following divorce. My Mother never had much to do with me and currently does not. NOT ONE family member attended the funeral, except my living kids,and Kelly's Man of 19 years, his family and many of thier friends from High School. Her Father's family drove from CA. I'm am alone and in severe pain.I miss my daughter terribly, she was my confidant, friend and she would come spend time with me, a week at a time.
Are You a Service Provider? If Yes, please tell us about your service.
Yes, I work for State Mental Health System 40 hours a week and nights and weekends I with my private practice. However; the state job has given me some pd time off.

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Will I make it back ro some semblance of functionality and joy? (1st timer here sry so long)

I physically feel as though a strong vacuum is sucking my lungs and heart out of my cheast from somewhere around my belly button; creating a struggle to breathe. I am experiencing Panic Attacks and fallig on the ground as i did when "the call" came from my 11 year old granddaughter!   That moment replays and my body responds apprpriate to the memory. 

I, emotionally feel alone, as I'm estranged from family. None of which attended my daughters funeral, not even my mother, her…

Continue

Posted on November 5, 2014 at 12:41pm

Will I make it back ro some semblance of functionality and joy? (1st timer here sry so long)

I physically feel as though a strong vacuum is sucking my lungs and heart out of my cheast from somewhere around my belly button; creating a struggle to breathe. I am experiencing Panic Attacks and fallig on the ground as i did when "the call" came from my 11 year old granddaughter!   That moment replays and my body responds apprpriate to the memory. 

I, emotionally feel alone, as I'm estranged from family. None of which attended my daughters funeral, not even my mother, her…

Continue

Posted on November 5, 2014 at 12:41pm

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At 5:19am on May 17, 2015, Linda Wishart said…
Spinning sceneriors around in your head is not so abn o rmal. I do that with my daughter death, and the "what if.. . Or. I wonder her thoughts at her moment of death. I run all kinds of questiins about what happened; reality is she was sick in ICU and then she and her husband who was by her side were Never told that her last cat scan showed multiple systemic organ failure, yet less than 24 hours and without a follow up cat scan to confirm resolve of organ failure, the sent her home saying she was well enough to go home. I obtained even nite by doctor, radiologist etc and No where on those chart documents did it have a plan to treat her, or do the necessary procedures they said they couldn't do because she had been an alcoholic for 18 months out of her shirt 33 years and "brought it on herself" as if she was a throw away. My b aby was Not a throw away. they just sent her home to die without telling anyone. I would have taken her to a hospital with morals and integrity. She would not have been left alone that night had we known, both lungs were collapsed and all organs failing on that scan just before discharge. I could have said goodbye if another hospital couldn't save Her. My baby only drank for 18 months because she was in this same horrible pain we all are feeling now when her 7 year old died, my grandaughter. My brother before that. Her step brother committed suicide and step father died of heart ache just before his sons funeral. She was in tremendous pain as I am now , as all of her losses were my losses too. This is all to overwhelmiSpinning sceneriors around in your head is not so abn o rmal. I do that with my daughter death, and the "what if.. . Or. I wonder her thoughts at her moment of death. I run all kinds of questiins about what happened; reality is she was sick in ICU and then she and her husband who was by her side were Never told that her last cat scan showed multiple systemic organ failure, yet less than 24 hours and without a follow up cat scan to confirm resolve of organ failure, the sent her home saying she was well enough to go home. I obtained even nite by doctor, radiologist etc and No where on those chart documents did it have a plan to treat her, or do the necessary procedures they said they couldn't do because she had been an alcoholic for 18 months out of her shirt 33 years and "brought it on herself" as if she was a throw away. My b aby was Not a throw away. they just sent her home to die without telling anyone. I would have taken her to a hospital with morals and integrity. She would not have been left alone that night had we known, both lungs were collapsed and all organs failing on that scan just before discharge. I could have said goodbye if another hospital couldn't save Her. My baby only drank for 18 months because she was in this same horrible pain we all are feeling now when her 7 year old died, my grandaughter. My brother before that. Her step brother committed suicide and step father died of heart ache just before his sons funeral. She was in tremendous pain as I am now , as all of her losses were my losses too. This is all to overwhelming and it's 3 am again. Still no sleep. I HATE THIS ALL TOO MUCH and I AM ALONE! ng and it's 3 am again. Still no sleep. I HATE THIS ALL TOO MUCH and I AM ALONE!
 
 
 

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