I hope things will slowly get better for you. I hope you can reach out for help, it is something your mom would want you to do. I am going to my second bereavement class. I cant say that it has "helped" yet, I think the mere fact that I am going is what is or has been the real triumph. It is sort of an act of faith that things might get better and taking a step in trusting outside of myself. I hope I am explaining it right. It is more of a feeling I have that it is the right thing to do. I know as much as my mom would want to be here, I know she wouldnt want me here by myself away from family just being sad.
I say that because I am sure your mom would feel the same way. Things are very confusing right now, I know. I just hope you can take that initial step when you are ready or on a day you are feeling a bit stronger than usual and do one thing that scares you. I have been trying that. It doesnt always work, but sometimes it does. I just hope that by taking this mindset that when I look back a year from now that I feel better than before.
"I was on autopilot today. I got things done because I was on autopilot.
Seeing the picture of my mother's name and dates engraved on the stone below those of her better son set me off. I had arranged for that before the funeral. But I had a…"
"I understand what you mean. I really like what you said toward the end. If we could just be assured beyond a doubt that life continues, that you will be with your husband and I with my girlfriend, that wouldn't be enough, but it…"
"They finally engraved my mother's name and dates on the tombstone. Someone just sent me a picture of it.
I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach again.
I am happy it is done. She would have wanted that. Her name and dates are below…"