Lani M.
  • Female
  • Arcadia, CA
  • United States
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Lani M. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know Christmas is hard on all of us who have lost our beloved spouse but I try to keep in mind that they are in a good and beautiful place. I know that someday I will join Jim when God is done with me here on Earth. I truly believe that I have…"
Dec 25, 2019
morgan left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 1, 2019
Joe Kelly left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. left a comment for Lani M.
"How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?"
Nov 30, 2019
Lani M. is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 9, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 68 year old retired rodeo photographer
About my Loss:
I lost my husband and life partner to cancer on Oct. 31. We had been married for 43 years and had never been apart for more than a week in all that time. I miss him so much and it hurts like nothing I have ever known.

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 11:49pm on December 1, 2019, morgan said…

Lani,

You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.  I don't understand how its possible to be so shattered when I was living a life with joy and happiness, comfort and contentment.  The early years of grieving are so raw and will consume your strength daily.  No one really wants to admit it but there is no timeline for when the pain is supposed to ease. When you experience the pain of the greatest loss ever it is impossible to describe to anyone who has never lost their spouse and had a good marriage.  Here we know the pain.  We are all too familiar with it.  Each of us are in a different timeline but I can advise you to not expect too much of yourself.  As for the holidays, it depends. 

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 on the day after Xmas so I've just decided it is easier for me not to celebrate the season, at all.  I have no children so I have no obligatory events to go to.  Even so I still spend from before Thanksgiving up through the end of January when he died, crying and trying to bear with the noise of everyone else who still have something to celebrate.

Just go easy on yourself.  Dont do anything you don't want to do  Don't feel pressure.  Hang onto what Joe says if you can...... "(your husband)will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss."  Just keep telling yourself that over and over and over.  And do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking.  Its about the only way to get through the moments of each day.  We all post periodically and come here to read.  You may end up doing the same thing.  But guaranteed each of us know your pain and we are all sorry you have had to find us here.......

morgan

At 2:20pm on December 1, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Lani,

I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of grief and hopes of someday being reunited with our Loves when it's our time to join them.  That will happen someday.  Believe it.  He is still with you but in a different realm that we can't see.  Trust that he is watching over you and will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss.

Joe

 

At 11:01pm on November 30, 2019, Lani M. said…
How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?
 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Tuesday
Sue M joined Kar's group
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Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Tuesday
Sue M updated their profile
Tuesday
Profile IconSue M and Christine joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Monday
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Monday
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
Sunday
Serenity is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sunday
Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
Jan 11
morgan left a comment for Rick Rilloraza
"Rick, I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years?  Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"
Jan 9
Profile IconShirelle, Rick Rilloraza, David Williams and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 9
Profile IconMichele Anderson and Phillip smith joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 6
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just another year closer to death I pray."
Jan 6
Carlos Hunt is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 31, 2019
Ellis Gee replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I know this doesn’t help right now, but even this will pass—lt took me seven months. It may take you more or less time, but the agony you’re going through will end. You’re in my thoughts. Ellis"
Dec 28, 2019
Kathy West added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My Love

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best friends, we married at 19 and were married 38 years. Giving up is not an option as we have two beautiful children, their spouses, and three amazing grandchildren. It still feels so surreal that he is no longer on this earth. I know where he is and that I will see him again but I miss everything about him.…See More
Dec 28, 2019

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