Lani M.
  • Female
  • Arcadia, CA
  • United States
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Lani M. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know Christmas is hard on all of us who have lost our beloved spouse but I try to keep in mind that they are in a good and beautiful place. I know that someday I will join Jim when God is done with me here on Earth. I truly believe that I have…"
Dec 25, 2019
morgan left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 1, 2019
Joe Kelly left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. left a comment for Lani M.
"How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?"
Nov 30, 2019
Lani M. is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 9, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 68 year old retired rodeo photographer
About my Loss:
I lost my husband and life partner to cancer on Oct. 31. We had been married for 43 years and had never been apart for more than a week in all that time. I miss him so much and it hurts like nothing I have ever known.

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 11:49pm on December 1, 2019, morgan said…

Lani,

You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.  I don't understand how its possible to be so shattered when I was living a life with joy and happiness, comfort and contentment.  The early years of grieving are so raw and will consume your strength daily.  No one really wants to admit it but there is no timeline for when the pain is supposed to ease. When you experience the pain of the greatest loss ever it is impossible to describe to anyone who has never lost their spouse and had a good marriage.  Here we know the pain.  We are all too familiar with it.  Each of us are in a different timeline but I can advise you to not expect too much of yourself.  As for the holidays, it depends. 

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 on the day after Xmas so I've just decided it is easier for me not to celebrate the season, at all.  I have no children so I have no obligatory events to go to.  Even so I still spend from before Thanksgiving up through the end of January when he died, crying and trying to bear with the noise of everyone else who still have something to celebrate.

Just go easy on yourself.  Dont do anything you don't want to do  Don't feel pressure.  Hang onto what Joe says if you can...... "(your husband)will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss."  Just keep telling yourself that over and over and over.  And do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking.  Its about the only way to get through the moments of each day.  We all post periodically and come here to read.  You may end up doing the same thing.  But guaranteed each of us know your pain and we are all sorry you have had to find us here.......

morgan

At 2:20pm on December 1, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Lani,

I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of grief and hopes of someday being reunited with our Loves when it's our time to join them.  That will happen someday.  Believe it.  He is still with you but in a different realm that we can't see.  Trust that he is watching over you and will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss.

Joe

 

At 11:01pm on November 30, 2019, Lani M. said…
How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Profile IconDoug Roberts and Anna Chris joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
21 hours ago
Anna Chris replied to Frank's discussion Life after multiple, consecutive losses
" Hello I would like to share with Everybody that I have been experiencing an Absolute True Miracle for the last 8 months.  With that most incredible Miracle comes a moral obligation to Share it with people and to Help people. To tell them…"
yesterday
Pamela philipp posted a discussion

No changes

It will be five years this year since I lost my husband and my mother a week apart from each other and everything feels still like it was yesterday there has been no easing of pain seems like the days go by and I feel no different so many people have told me time will ease the pain it doesn’t I still cry myself to sleep every night I struggle just to get through a day the only thing that keeps me here is my grandchildren and my children otherwise I would’ve left this world a long time ago The…See More
yesterday
Joel and dream moon JO B are now friends
yesterday
Wendy joined donna's group
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Losing SomeoneTo Murder

For people who have lost a loved one to murder.
yesterday
Wendy joined Amy's group
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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
yesterday
Wendy joined Kate's group
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Homicide Survivors Group

I'm starting this group in hopes that people who come to oninegriefsupport in the U.S.  can share in their experiences and grief for homicide related deaths. There are tons of support grief services for cancer, alzheimers, loss of children, suicide, ..I could go on. But there are not many support groups for homicide related issues. With the growing gun-related deaths, I thought it would be prudent to create this small sub-group here.I know that grief is very unique and it shouldn't be compared…See More
yesterday
Wendy replied to Nicole's discussion Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I too lost my husband, the father of my three sons, in June unexpectedly. I would have never imagined being a widow. As it is still relatively new for me as well, I don’t know the answer as to whether it gets easier. I can only hope and pray…"
yesterday

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