Lani M.
  • Female
  • Arcadia, CA
  • United States
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Lani M. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I lost my husband 7 1/2 months ago and it seems like a lifetime ago. I understand and share the pain and loss that most of you feel and I wish I could be with my lost love, too. I know that I will join him again but in the meantime I know that I am…"
Jun 25
Lani M. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know Christmas is hard on all of us who have lost our beloved spouse but I try to keep in mind that they are in a good and beautiful place. I know that someday I will join Jim when God is done with me here on Earth. I truly believe that I have…"
Dec 25, 2019
morgan left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Dec 1, 2019
Joe Kelly left a comment for Lani M.
"Lani, I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of…"
Dec 1, 2019
Lani M. left a comment for Lani M.
"How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?"
Nov 30, 2019
Lani M. is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 9, 2019

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 68 year old retired rodeo photographer
About my Loss:
I lost my husband and life partner to cancer on Oct. 31. We had been married for 43 years and had never been apart for more than a week in all that time. I miss him so much and it hurts like nothing I have ever known.

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 11:49pm on December 1, 2019, morgan said…

Lani,

You have hit the nail we all wanted to miss.  Nothing can hurt this bad.  Nothing.  I could never have imagined I would be as devastated, and for as long, as I have been.  I have yet to be able to reconcile the anguish.  I don't understand how its possible to be so shattered when I was living a life with joy and happiness, comfort and contentment.  The early years of grieving are so raw and will consume your strength daily.  No one really wants to admit it but there is no timeline for when the pain is supposed to ease. When you experience the pain of the greatest loss ever it is impossible to describe to anyone who has never lost their spouse and had a good marriage.  Here we know the pain.  We are all too familiar with it.  Each of us are in a different timeline but I can advise you to not expect too much of yourself.  As for the holidays, it depends. 

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 on the day after Xmas so I've just decided it is easier for me not to celebrate the season, at all.  I have no children so I have no obligatory events to go to.  Even so I still spend from before Thanksgiving up through the end of January when he died, crying and trying to bear with the noise of everyone else who still have something to celebrate.

Just go easy on yourself.  Dont do anything you don't want to do  Don't feel pressure.  Hang onto what Joe says if you can...... "(your husband)will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss."  Just keep telling yourself that over and over and over.  And do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking.  Its about the only way to get through the moments of each day.  We all post periodically and come here to read.  You may end up doing the same thing.  But guaranteed each of us know your pain and we are all sorry you have had to find us here.......

morgan

At 2:20pm on December 1, 2019, Joe Kelly said…

Lani,

I wish I could give some comforting advice, but I know it's going to be hard.  I lost my wife Jan. 21, 2018 to cancer. Join the "Lost My Spouse" group and read through some of the posts there.  We share our feelings of grief and hopes of someday being reunited with our Loves when it's our time to join them.  That will happen someday.  Believe it.  He is still with you but in a different realm that we can't see.  Trust that he is watching over you and will be there for you when your time comes and you both will spend eternity in joyful bliss.

Joe

 

At 11:01pm on November 30, 2019, Lani M. said…
How do I handle the holidays alone for the first time in 45 years?
 
 
 

Latest Activity

Bill is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
marie commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"Oh Ash...what a precious dream!!!"
yesterday
ash commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group I love my Dad.
"i had a dream of my dad and i. he held me / hugged me and i held him back. it made me feel so safe and happy. he nor i spoke. i do remember saying something in my mind, something along the lines of "i am so glad you're here." /…"
yesterday
ash joined Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
yesterday
Viola B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Tiffany joined Survivor17's group
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Compounded grief with existing anxiety and depression.

During the tragic loss of a loved one or having gone through several tragedies , be it death of a loved one, divorce , personal health issues, or getting older , ect. Sometimes the stress and depression compounded by grief can be debilitating and it may have us feel as if we are mourning our own deaths while we are grieving the loss of our loved ones , We feel as if our own lives are over , Being in this mode can make recovery a longer more confusing process for some. It can be uncomfortable to…See More
Saturday
Tiffany joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Multiple Losses Group

I am creating this site for the many of us who have suffered several losses. I lost my mom, dad, grandma(2nd mom), grandpa, my beloved dog and divorce.Many of us have lost more than one person or event.Come share!See More
Saturday
Tiffany updated their profile
Saturday

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