I am 39 years old. I was married for 14 years, recently divorced. Was blessed with two beautiful children Robbie and Josie. My miracle babies, my life was complete. I enjoy being a mom and spending time with our family.
About my Loss:
The evening of July 16, 2005 was the worst day of my life. My daughter Josie who was 2 and 1/2 years old was hit by a truck and killed. Her brother Robbie was 4 yrs old at the time and was there with me and witnessed the most horrifying accident ever. I died that night and have not been the same since. I asked my brother and his family to please take my son as i totally lost my mind. Here it is 8 years later and im still very much lost with no direction on how to get back on track. I have no closure with Josie, they took that from me and for that i am very much full of hate. I am mad at the world. I havent been able to pull myself together to be the mom that my son needs. I had to ask of my brother and his wife to please adopt my son for me as i didnt know it would turn out like this. There's nothing more painful than the death of a child but to be so emotionally wrecked over what i witnessed that night that i cant bring myself to parent the living child, that is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like such a failure. My son is now 12 years old and is now starting to ask so many questions. So ive set some new goals for the new year. Ive applied for my housing, im back in counseling, taking my prescribed meds, and am working on starting a new life so i can be that mom that my son needs and deserves. I miss both my babies so so much, I apologize to my daughter everyday and now ive made a promise to her that i will forgive myself and get my life back for my son and i. I love and miss you Josie so much and i promise that Robbie and i will be a family again ok and soon. Your very much missed and loved by everyone babygirl, especially by your brother Robbie and your mommy.
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"Yes Brett, perfectly said. They will surely forgive us and I just need to forgive myself.
I will be fulfilling her pending wishes which will help me to forgive myself and also take more care of my Dad as he is alone now."
"Avi, I am sorry that it's taken a while for me to respond to you. I ready your story and I felt it. I am so sorry about your mom. If someone were to ask me what the prevailing emotion on this website is, I'm not sure that I would say…"
"A friend of mine lost his brother to suicide last year. My friend asked me if I thought that his brother was in Hell. There's a question that no one wants to be asked. There's just no way of knowing. And I don't want to make a joke…"
"I have to add I miss my mom terribly, every single night I get in bed and in the darkness I cry and tell her if you are near me and can hear me I love you mom.
I say to her one day you will let me know what happened.
Every night I say…"
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss, this is a great group.
Brett somehow you always seem to shed light on a dismal situation. Thank you.
Virginia- no God does not allow bad things to happen to people, when we are brought into this world our…"
"Virginia, it will be better if you dont find out the things you should have done better in hospital. It will make your grief stronger.
I tried but stopped in between because it was causing lot of pain."
thanks for the love and for caring. I am still afraid of not knowing what happens to people that end their life. I wouldnt want to ruin my only chance to be with her again. Then again, wouldn’t a…"
"Virginia, I thought about it but it was never a real possibility for me. As I said earlier, there is nothing in this world that would hurt my mom more than ending my own life. I will never do it.
I try to be careful. I'm such a religious…"
The best help comes from “God, Who comforts and encourages and refreshes and cheers the depressed.”—2 Corinthians 7:6, The Amplified Bible.What God gives to help the depressedStrength. God “refreshes and cheers” you, not by removing all your problems, but by answering your prayers when you pray for the strength to cope. (…See More
Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time. Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference? Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have.
I had no idea there were only a few…"
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices.
Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
welcome, people on here are very supportive. I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end. In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing. Now I…"
It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out.
" As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts. I think you could be a writer or counselor. Thanks everyone else for support also. I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do. I was thinking tonight,…"
This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.
The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"