I am 39 years old. I was married for 14 years, recently divorced. Was blessed with two beautiful children Robbie and Josie. My miracle babies, my life was complete. I enjoy being a mom and spending time with our family.
About my Loss:
The evening of July 16, 2005 was the worst day of my life. My daughter Josie who was 2 and 1/2 years old was hit by a truck and killed. Her brother Robbie was 4 yrs old at the time and was there with me and witnessed the most horrifying accident ever. I died that night and have not been the same since. I asked my brother and his family to please take my son as i totally lost my mind. Here it is 8 years later and im still very much lost with no direction on how to get back on track. I have no closure with Josie, they took that from me and for that i am very much full of hate. I am mad at the world. I havent been able to pull myself together to be the mom that my son needs. I had to ask of my brother and his wife to please adopt my son for me as i didnt know it would turn out like this. There's nothing more painful than the death of a child but to be so emotionally wrecked over what i witnessed that night that i cant bring myself to parent the living child, that is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like such a failure. My son is now 12 years old and is now starting to ask so many questions. So ive set some new goals for the new year. Ive applied for my housing, im back in counseling, taking my prescribed meds, and am working on starting a new life so i can be that mom that my son needs and deserves. I miss both my babies so so much, I apologize to my daughter everyday and now ive made a promise to her that i will forgive myself and get my life back for my son and i. I love and miss you Josie so much and i promise that Robbie and i will be a family again ok and soon. Your very much missed and loved by everyone babygirl, especially by your brother Robbie and your mommy.
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"Part 2----Not a shred of me has emerged from the destruction death laid at my feet. I am one gaping wound with a small band aid holding together pieces. I can limp and crawl and even sometimes walk around but is it enough? I have…"
"Part 1---I wish there was a way to reach out to each of you individually and communicate how I feel personally but there isn’t. What I do know though is that for those of us who are having a difficult time with accepting the absolute and…"
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"AnneJ, I'm so sorry. There is not much else I can say that would help other than letting you know you are not alone. This grief and loss is just to much sometimes. It's just to much to bear.
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"Bonnie- no I'm not offended. I just felt I wanted to give you a sense of this site. It's where I, you, Morgan, Bluebird, Trina, Hilary, Nicole, Rachel Michelle, George and ALL of the broken and lost souls can be honest and understood. It…"
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"It is the same for me, or very similar, as it is for Tildy and Hilary.
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"Outside of this group, I do not share the true extent of my grief.
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I am happy that you have been able to move through your pain and grief. You are a strong person and an inspiration for many I'm sure.
But for me- it's the complete opposite side of this coin. There is no amount of medication,…"
"Excuse me if any words offend. I did soften them to post here.
Crying sucks. It makes you feel like crap, look like crap and doesn't change anything. The problem with tears as they come too easily, last too long and become uncontrollable.
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