I am 39 years old. I was married for 14 years, recently divorced. Was blessed with two beautiful children Robbie and Josie. My miracle babies, my life was complete. I enjoy being a mom and spending time with our family.
About my Loss:
The evening of July 16, 2005 was the worst day of my life. My daughter Josie who was 2 and 1/2 years old was hit by a truck and killed. Her brother Robbie was 4 yrs old at the time and was there with me and witnessed the most horrifying accident ever. I died that night and have not been the same since. I asked my brother and his family to please take my son as i totally lost my mind. Here it is 8 years later and im still very much lost with no direction on how to get back on track. I have no closure with Josie, they took that from me and for that i am very much full of hate. I am mad at the world. I havent been able to pull myself together to be the mom that my son needs. I had to ask of my brother and his wife to please adopt my son for me as i didnt know it would turn out like this. There's nothing more painful than the death of a child but to be so emotionally wrecked over what i witnessed that night that i cant bring myself to parent the living child, that is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like such a failure. My son is now 12 years old and is now starting to ask so many questions. So ive set some new goals for the new year. Ive applied for my housing, im back in counseling, taking my prescribed meds, and am working on starting a new life so i can be that mom that my son needs and deserves. I miss both my babies so so much, I apologize to my daughter everyday and now ive made a promise to her that i will forgive myself and get my life back for my son and i. I love and miss you Josie so much and i promise that Robbie and i will be a family again ok and soon. Your very much missed and loved by everyone babygirl, especially by your brother Robbie and your mommy.
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
"Thanks bluebird - I'm sorry for your hell too. I have yet to experience any "waves" of good and bad as people describe. "shitty much of the time, with waves of even worse horror sometimes" - I can understand what you mean."
I really don't know where this road of hell is leading to. Yesterday was 11 months. I'm still in a funk from last Friday. I don't know that I'm getting any answers. My heart still doesn't understand why he had to go. I still don't understand how to fucking do this. I'm so damn tired of saying it and living this heartbreak. But my words don't change a damn thing. I feel like I'm in the broken nuthouse. I'm on the roller coaster that has stalled in hell. I don't want to do this anymore. This is…See More
First of all I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds exactly like mine. I had to learn to accept that my husband did not want me to see him pass. I had left to get dinner and got a call that his breathing had changed. I drove back…"
"I'm sorry you've been having a particularly hard time the past week or so. That seems to be how it goes, I've noticed -- shitty much of the time, with waves of even worse horror sometimes. That's how it is for me, anyway."
"I understand what you are going through. I lost my husband about a month ago. He was estranged from his family but when he was ill I thought his family would be there for him and be supportive of me. I was so wrong to think that they…"
"I lost my husband almost a month ago. I know it can be hard to want to live after losing a spouse. I am having to find my new purpose in life without my husband. It is hard work. Sorry for your loss."
"I lost my husband recently. I spent 8 days with him in hospice center too. He was in the hospital in ICU for a month before that. I stayed with him too. I left to do run an errand for 30 minutes that needed to be done but I…"
I know what you mean when you say you feel lonely but please take some form of solace in knowing that you're not alone. i lost my mom this summer and have been struggling with my own loneliness but it's helped me to read others…"
"Oh Ammy I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. I am an 11 year breast cancer survivor. There was no way that cancer was going to take me out. I had my son to raise. He was 10 at the time. 3 years later he was diagnosed with…"
"I have not been here in what seems like a long time. Last Oct. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and with all the doctor appointments, testing and surgeries (2) I have not been online much. I finally had to have a mastectomy on…"
"sO true Michelle. My Daniel,was an only child also and I know that feeling of nothing more to come....all those things I thought I would pass on to him and to his kids are just sad reminders that no one else would care at all about any of it.
"Rebecca, I went through almost the exact same thing with my mom
. For 5 days Dad and I were on watch 24 hours. Like you, that was the hardest thing I have had to endure. Thanks for sharing your story- it helps to know we are not alone ."
"Thank you Renee. That means a lot. I wonder myself whether she's around. Some times when I cry I do talk to her a little. Like One day, I just called her when I was upset. Cause that's what I would normally do, and it felt good just to…"
"Thank you Felicia. I was very young when I lost my brother. I sometimes think adults don't realize how it effects a young sibling. The loss and fear carries with you throughout your lifetime. Grief, Fear and understanding is…"