Jenni H
  • Female
  • Shelbiana, KY
  • United States
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ELIZABETH K CASTELLO commented on Jenni H's blog post Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.
"Hi Jenni, I am so sorry what you are going through, you are right about not blaming God it is not his fault he loves all his children and we hurt he hurts I have to stop and think what he went through when his Son Jesus was on the cross it had to…"
Mar 3
Jenni H posted a blog post

Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…See More
Mar 1
Jenni H replied to Jennifer Nuss's discussion Also missing my Mom. in the group Lost Without My Mom
"Meaning, I relate to your pain. I didn't mean to sound cold, my grief has turned me into a daughter who misses her mother. I'll keep you in my prayers. <3"
Feb 25
Jenni H replied to Jennifer Nuss's discussion Also missing my Mom. in the group Lost Without My Mom
"I lived with my mother my entire life except during a failed marriage and a 2 year stint. She had a bad back until the stroke. I had to watch her in pain 24/7. She was mother first, best friend second, and soul mate forever. She died today in 2017.…"
Feb 25
Jenni H posted a status
"Mommy has been gone a year today. I swear I feel the grief as fresh as it was the day she died."
Feb 25
Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More
Feb 17
Jenni H commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"My mom died on February 25, 2017. She had a stroke a year and half that rendered her paralyzed and she had aphasia. I was her caregiver. It was extremely impossible to stomach seeing my mother constantly in pain. My nerves and mental state was gone…"
Feb 16
Jenni H joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
Feb 16
Jenni H updated their profile
Feb 12
Jenni H is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Feb 11

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 something woman who loves Jesus and is an avid gamer. I've been divorced for 7 years now. No kids.
About my Loss:
My mother suffered a stroke in October 2015. It debilitated her to the point of paralysis with aphasia. She lived for a year and a half. I was a caregiver, along with my father. It was a long, arduous time for my family. My brother would not help us as he lived in another state. I had to watch my mother lose her personality, maturity, and her overall spirit. She cried out all hours of the day and night. She was in constant pain. She could talk and was lucid most of the time. She didn't have memory issues, but was confused about the time of day and couldn't form complete sentences due to the aphasia. I had to watch her be mean to others and say things she would have never said had she had her mind in tact. It was truly hell on earth for me. I never went anywhere and never had any respite time, I gave it all to my father. My mother was my soul mate, my best friend. She was always the bale me out of my problems type of person. I mourned her loss after the stroke and I mourned her after her death. I knew two people.. the mom who was and the mom who used to be. I'm mentally broken now. She normally was there to help me with the pieces, but now she is gone. It is hell on earth yet again. I now caregive for my father. He is alright health wise, but he is dealing with his grief too.

Jenni H's Blog

Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…

Continue

Posted on March 1, 2018 at 4:38pm — 1 Comment

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…

Continue

Posted on February 17, 2018 at 5:40pm

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Latest Activity

Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time.  Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference?  Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have. I had no idea there were only a few…"
4 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices. Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
5 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi,   welcome, people on here are very supportive.  I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end.  In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing.  Now I…"
5 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out. Bluebell"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"  As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts.  I think you could be a writer or counselor.  Thanks everyone else for support also.  I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do.  I was thinking tonight,…"
5 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Guys This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.  The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
6 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
7 hours ago
Avi joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
7 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.   I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
yesterday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal, I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common.  I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad.  Same here.  My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
yesterday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died.  All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
yesterday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0 Virginia, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, mom's are very intuitive. I tired to hide it. It didn't work. Mom could see right through me. She would tell me that everything was going to be okay. I think my mom was more worried about leaving me than she was about dying. That…"
yesterday
Profile IconDenise Annunciata, Amy Cote, Avi and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,   You are right, how can we go from our Moms being our whole lives to nothing?  It’s not possible.  It doesn’t even make sense.  I see other families and I envy them and it makes me sad.  I want my family…"
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett,   Your posts always make me cry, you write so well and it always hits me in the heart.  So you also felt the constant despair inside, but you were able to control and hide it, unlike me.  Therein lies my guilt.  I was…"
yesterday

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