Jacqueline R
  • Female
  • Ankeny, IA
  • United States
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Jacqueline R is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 5

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About my Loss:
Lost my mother to cancer on November 11 2017. I feel like a part of me died with her. I feel when I’m not crying is because I go like in a denial state until someone bring it up or said sorry for your lost. That hurts so much that my chest aches like if I’m having a heart problem I feel this hole and keep trying to wake up myself up from this nightmare. I’m on my late 30s but had my mom living with me. I go into her room as I used to go to say good morning and check on her I keep doing the routine like she’s still here I go and open the closet and hug her clothes because they still smell like her I look for signs like if the blanket gets a wrinkle or something on the bed that makes me think she’s here omg I feel so crazy and no one close understand my pain. It’s been 3 weeks and I still feel like to histerically cry and scream like that day at the hospital after seeing the doctors in the ICU trying to bring her back to life after her heart stop. Why they didn’t take me out why they let me watch is something I can’t forget and think over and over ! Is something no one should experience cause u will carry that image forever! I just don’t know how to learn to live with her ! I talk to her everyday everywhere cause I believe now she can go with me everywhere and people just give me the look when they seee me talking alone I know crazy right. I hate when people ask me what are my plans for the holidays are you kidding me ?! No one understands!! That’s why I’m here in this website reading other people experiences and feelings to remind me I’m not the only one. I also feel so angry at God I know I shouldn’t but I feel like to never go back to church. This changed me forever and I don’t know how to feel myself again.

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Latest Activity

Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My brother called me the other day and he said are you ok? There is a twenty year age difference between us, so we are not that close and he lives five hours away. I said to him, yes I though you would…"
2 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Another bad day. I was shopping for Christmas cards and gift bags when without warning, I broke down in tears at the register. Thank goodness the cashier was a sensitive caring person and did not just blow me off. She said "Your Mom will always…"
4 hours ago
Stephanie Coyle joined Courtney Adams's group
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Suicide....Hard Knowing They did it By Their Choice

This is for some of us who have lost someone due to suicide...I miss you Annie!!!See More
12 hours ago
Profile IconJeff McDermott, Nichole, Deborah Davis and 2 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
13 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda and Morgan. It just hurts so much for all of us."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"((((((morgan))))))"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul, Each of us have memories of a time and day of the death of our beloved.  Mine just happened to come at a time of the year when normally the excesses of celebrating kick into high gear.  Not better not worse than anyone else's…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess…"
yesterday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda for posting that.   "
yesterday
Peggy left a comment for Dawn W
"Hi Dawn, I saw your posts and wanted to introduce myself.  I'm also in Canada, in Ontario.  I lost my husband suddenly in 2015.  He had cancer but had been given 3 to 5 years and was gone in 8 weeks.  If you'd like to…"
yesterday
kim posted a status
"my beautiful son, its x mas again, ill be with you soon I promise, I love you forever mom"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Alice, I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. "
yesterday
Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel the same. My love had a comprehensive stroke on 22 December, and died in hospital at 10pm on New Years Eve. Then I went “home” in a taxi amid fireworks."
yesterday
Profile IconAnn Appa, Alison Eley, Hannah and 3 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Paul, I feel exactly like you do, I wish I could sleep the holidays away, I find no joy in them, it's just another day I am being tortured."
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, As hard as it is for the rest of us to endure the upcoming holidays it must be at least doubly difficult for you given the circumstances your husband and you were dealt with.  To everyone here who has put up with this hell for multiple…"
Thursday
Maxey is now friends with Cheyenne Steffen and Pamela philipp
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Paul,  In particular this time of the year everyone who hasn't lost their love is celebrating.  I used to be one of them. Then one day a long time ago, I took my sick husband to the hospital Xmas Eve day and found out the day after…"
Thursday
Paul commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Count me among those who are looking forward to death after losing my wife. I am absolutely not interested in anything else."
Thursday
B.Windsor updated their profile
Wednesday

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