Jackie cooke
  • Female
  • Cheshire,,england
  • United Kingdom
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  • beverly zuriff
  • Nora
  • Bethany
  • Richard Rivera
  • Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong

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Latest Activity

Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm sure your right, and Bisto bit better thank god, it's just at the moment I feel like I am loosing everything. All our plans hopes and dreams gone, just emptiness and loneliness. I can't remember her voice even. It's so hard x"
Wednesday
Jackie cooke replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Hi Lynda, that's a lovely thought. I'm still struggling with it all, everything seems to have gone wrong since she died. Today our dog has been very poorly and I had to take her to the vets alone, it as so hard as she hates the vets. I…"
Wednesday
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I feel so alone, I don't think Shirl is with me. Everything is going wrong, Bisto our dog who was her world is poorly. I have to take her to the vets by myself, I'm terrified in case it's serious. She is my only reason for living now.…"
Wednesday
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I know Jerry, there just doesn't seem any point in getting up and carrying on. What's the point of anything, I was cleaning house yesterday, then thought why am I bothering, there's no one to see or care what the house looks like.my…"
May 19
Jackie cooke replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Hi Lynda, no worries about questions, it gets my brain working which it's not being doing for a long time. Shirls said she wasn't scared of dying but scared of leaving me alone cost she knew her daughter would turn on me as soon as she was…"
May 17
Jackie cooke replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Hi Lynda, we talked loads as Shirl was quite a bit older than me and her biggest fear was leaving me alone, I always said I always said I found it so hard to believe in the heaven and afterlife, how would there be room for so many was just one of my…"
May 17
Jackie cooke replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Hi Lynda, if only we had the answers, I really wish I had a strong religious belief but my mind is to questioning. In the 20 mins or so that Shirl went from happily sitting joking and talking about what we were going to watch on tv to being dead,…"
May 16
Richard Rivera and Jackie cooke are now friends
May 16
Jackie cooke commented on Richard Rivera's blog post LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE
"Your welcomexx"
May 16
Jackie cooke commented on Richard Rivera's blog post LOOKING TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE HOW HAS HAD A RECORDED NDE
"Hi richard, Nora asked me to tell you her phone down. Hope your having some peace x"
May 16
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT DO I DO IN WHEN THE LONELINESS SCARES ME?
"I know richard, I can't picture Shirl without seeing the panick in her eyes as she grabbed my hand and shouted I'm going. I can still hear her head smashing on the floor as I had to drag her off the chair and lie her flat, 40 mins of chest…"
May 14
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT DO I DO IN WHEN THE LONELINESS SCARES ME?
"The loneliness is the worst, the silence is deafening. Everything has van get for me here. As well as Shirl not being with me, the only neighbours imhad have gone. They had to leave there farm, at least when they were there I knew there was someone…"
May 14
Jackie cooke replied to Richard Rivera's discussion WHAT DO I DO IN WHEN THE LONELINESS SCARES ME?
"Me to richard"
May 13
Jackie cooke commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Traumatic, Sudden Loss
"Sending you love Theresa, I'm having such a bad day I have cried all day. Some of my tears are for everyone else on here to. Know I'm sharing your pain xx"
May 13
Jackie cooke commented on Nora's blog post I will never be the same
"Loneliness, emptiness, silence, that's my life now, 9 weeks today, 9 weeks since I died with her. It's 10 am, and in have been sat here crying since 6. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anyone, or see…"
May 13
Jackie cooke left a comment for David Blanco
"Hi David, I'm so sorry, your daughter looks a gorgeous talented girl. I have no words of support but I understand you pain and grief. I hope you get some support here x"
May 11

Profile Information

About Me:
51 female
About my Loss:
12 March my world came to an end when my life long partner died. We met when I was 16, I am now 51, in the morning she was fine, bustling round the house, looking avenger me as I had broken my ankle. At 12.15 she sat down with me had a drink and discussed our nights tv viewing. She then said she felt hot and started breathing heavily, I got her inhaler, she said I think in dying, and instead of saying i love you I said no your not just sit a minute and get your breath. She then grabbed my hand and said I'm going and was gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get to me, then drove past as couldn't find us, all the time I was doing chest compressions but nothing worked. She was put on ventilator in hospital for 24 hours so family could come and say goodbye. I don't know what to do.i am alone for the first time. I can't eat sleep or drink, iv no money and can't face working. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up ,there is no point in life now

Jackie cooke's Blog

Help

Hi I have just found and joined this site and really need some help to go on, I lost my partner 3 weeks ago, we have been together since I was 16, I am 51 now. I am in such shock, she was fine in the morning, I have a broken ankle so she was bustling around looking after me, then she said she felt hot. She sat down and said I think I'm dying, I said don't be daft you've done to much just get your breath, then she looked at me, grabbed my hand said I'm going and just died.

What do I do, I… Continue

Posted on April 5, 2017 at 4:55am — 6 Comments

Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:13am on May 10, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie, it means so much to me to think you are with me, waling beside me.

At 6:51am on May 3, 2017, pamela k branchaud said…

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for writing back to me.  Your loss is tremendous.  Actually both of our losses are.  My husband was the love of my life and I miss him continually.  Bedtime is the worst.  I hate going in the bedroom knowing he won't be joining me.  It's so deeply sad.  I miss everything about him.  Especially his hands.  I loved his hands and the way he looked at me.  He loved me so much and I believe I first fell in love with the way he loved me!  Every day since we met he thought I was beautiful.  I never could understand that because I don't see myself as pretty at all.  But, he did, and he told me often.  I always said he saw me through rose-colored glasses.  I lost that love and that's what hurts so much.  He always called me 'his lady'.  Everyday he asked me, 'how's my lady doing?'  How am I going to go through life never hearing that again?  He loved me so much and I loved him back with my whole heart.  I had one person in this whole world who thought I was their world and that was everything to me. Now, there's no one at the end of the day to listen to how my day went.  All the silly little things that matter to no one but me.  He cared and he always wanted to know how my day went.  Now there's no one.  He died Dec. 10, 2016 and the face that he's really gone is sinking in every day like a deep dark cloud.  It hits me every day some time and I burst into tears wherever I am.  I have no control over it.  Sometimes when I have a period of no pain in my heart I feel the cloud coming and I dread it but I know I can't do anything about it and I have to go through it.  The grieving process I guess.  It's so hard.  I was on a grief site but 90% of the people had lost children mostly to heroin addiction.  I read the posts since Paul's death every night.  It was comforting to connect with people who lost those they loved but more often than not the comments suggested the loss of a child is the worst one could go through.  In my heart I disagreed because I feel the loss of a spouse is worse.  They are your other half.  A child is not.  I'm not minimizing the pain one endures with the loss of a child in any way but I was troubled when they constantly said their pain was more than mine.  A child is a tremendous loss and I pray I never ever experience that (I have 3 children) but when you loose your spouse a part of you dies too.  The bible says you are spiritually joined and make one.  This is not true of a child.  I believe as the bible states when you are joined together in marriage you become one.  They are my beliefs and opinions and I don't mean to offend you or hurt you if I have.  I just don't know how to get through loosing the love of my life and my heart.  The only answer I know of is with God.  I don't know where your faith is but my hope is in God.  He is the sustainer of life and I know He knows the pain in my heart and when I'm alone at night and hurting so badly, He is with me and knows my pain.  From what I read you just lost your spouse a few weeks ago.  I am so sorry.  There are no words but somehow I find it comforting to know someone else knows the pain.  It's exhausting and takes my breath away.  Know you're in my thoughts and sending you a hug.  I pray we get through this day and God carries us when we can't walk.  

At 6:05pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Yes, it's true, people stop caring.  We will never stop grieving but I hope that someday it will not hurt this much.  We have to go through one day at a time.  I don't know if I have faith anymore.  Why would a loving god take away our love prematurely?

At 5:44pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Jackie, My grandmother died at 52 two months after my grandfather died.  The family said she die of a broken heart.  My cousin committed suicide after her husband died so I think people stop doing whatever it takes to stay alive.  If I was sure that I would see Lee again, I'm not sure what I would do.  The wound is so fresh and painful.  

At 3:50pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Hi Jackie,  I go to bed early hoping for an escape from grieving. I don't really know what to do to ease the pain.  I understand how you feel and I do hope it will get better for us but right now I cannot cope with the loss.

At 12:55pm on May 1, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Surviving is the key condition.  I feel so lonrly and sad every minute of every day.  I go to bed at 5pm now and hope to sleep.  I hope I will adjust to this /

At 10:15pm on April 30, 2017, morgan said…

Bev, I already belong and it was a while ago when I joined but I think the way I did it was to click on the group name and then on the desktop version to the left it asks if you want to join the group. I think it works that way.....take care.

At 1:45pm on April 30, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

I am new to this site and need to know how to join "lost a spouse" group.  I am in a lot of gtieving pain.  Thanks.  Bev

At 12:48pm on April 28, 2017, beverly zuriff said…

Thank you Jackie  for your comments.  You seem to be going through the exact thing I am.  Noone to say "you look beautiful, I love you so much, it hurts".  Never again will I receive such undying devotion and love.  Life is so lonely and empty.  I hope we both can go through this grief and feel better eventually.

 
 
 

Latest Activity

lorna bass posted a status
1 hour ago
Bethany posted a blog post

Rise of the Machines...

I was just finishing typing a long entry about how upset I am about my laptop dying and the potential loss of all of my files, including all of my mom's photos and many other important things, when my browser crashed and I lost my draft. Technology is out to get me this weekend. I give up.See More
3 hours ago
lorna bass posted a status
5 hours ago
joanne replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Thankyou Dennis xx"
6 hours ago
Lesley Woolfstein commented on Tonya's group Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother
"My mum passed away on the 20th of April I was so close to my mum as I lived with my mum all of my life my mum passed away shortly before her 85th birthday im 56 how do u cope with this all im doing is crying all the time I would do anything to spend…"
7 hours ago
Lesley Woolfstein joined Tonya's group
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Adult Daughters grieving the death of her Mother

This group is for adult daughters trying to cope with losing her Mother
8 hours ago
BLUEBELL and Lesley Woolfstein are now friends
8 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lesley. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom in February. When I think back over the past few months, I have seen white feathers on the ground were I live. I had no idea of the significance until I looked it up just now.  How are you…"
8 hours ago
Dennis C. replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Joanne The brain is an amazing thing. I have known cases where it just felt like there was no way the patient could hear, but when they recovered it was clear that they did hear. I ALWAYS proceed with the confidence that the patient can hear what…"
9 hours ago
Lesley Woolfstein commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My mum passed away on the 20th of April ive lived with my mum all of my life im constant crying all of the time what are you suppose to do when you have lost your mum any body else out there received a white feather "
14 hours ago
Lesley Woolfstein joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
14 hours ago
Lynda replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Thanks Richard, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I'm quite open minded which is why I asked the question. I really do want to know what others think/feel. I guess I'm still just trying to decide what I believe. I'm just not…"
20 hours ago
Richard Rivera replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Explanations. Yet many of NDE 's recount seeing dead relatives who died before them as well as seeing those relatives and family who died whom they've never met or Relatives who only later after they were resuscitated that they discovered…"
yesterday
Richard Rivera replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Dennis: I'm not a religious person by no means. It doesn't mean that I can't be a spiritual person. I have spoken to many people regarding their experience of life after death and they cannot explain it. Oh sure the "lack of…"
yesterday
silvia maria posted a blog post

When life doesn´t go MY WAY

Ok that´s odd. I have 3 fractured ribs. My drs and I had a hard time to grap the motive, a simple fall from my own height for a medicine peak of low blood pressure. What is even more amazing is how the people around us react when we don´t know what´s wrong but know there is suffering and pain. You know the type....the types of people who think she must be exagerating, or pitiful for a second or regretting their own attitude. What does it say about them? I think that´s why we feel like wild…See More
yesterday
Lynda replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Thanks for the comforting words Dennis, I sure hope you are right."
yesterday
Lynda replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"AnneJ, what a well written and thoughtful reply to my question.  I will be borrowing your words if you don't mind: "We die...it's nature , it's normal if we didn't have such feelings of dependence on each other which is…"
yesterday
rachel_micele replied to Mel Royer's discussion Signs from the other side
"Thank you for posting Mel. That's wonderful Nancy visited and made clear her presence to you."
yesterday
joanne replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"I don't think anybody has the answer to this question , but I choose to believe that there is something else.Before Andy died I used to think when you die it's the end, there's nothing, but now I've had many vivid dreams,…"
Friday
joanne replied to Lynda's discussion For the non- religious- where do we go when we die?
"Dennis, I just wanted to ask you your opinion because you say you spent lots of times visiting people in hospital and say that patients of all conditions can hear us, do you think that my husband could hear me, he suffered a cardiac arrest, but was…"
Friday

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