Doug
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  • Port Royal, PA
  • United States
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Unbearable loneliness
3 Replies

I have been struggling with a Major Depressive Disorder for a very long time and have been to numerous psychiatrists searching for help all to no avail. Some time ago I found out that for a period of…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Maggi Crowston-Boaler Apr 29, 2017.

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Latest Activity

Doug replied to Cathy 's discussion My brother's death cirrhosis
"Hello Nancy, I don't know how both you, and Cathy, can carry on as well as you have after losing someone you loved so much? It's unbelievable to me that your husband's doctor could be so inept as to never test his liver function,…"
Jul 23, 2017
Doug joined Jarvis's group
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
Jul 16, 2017
Doug joined Steph's group
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How to move on...

How to move on after the loss of your significant other? Is this possible? When? Navigating through this process while also dealing with your grief. See More
Jul 16, 2017
Doug replied to Cathy 's discussion My brother's death cirrhosis
"Hello Morgan, I send my sincerest condolences to you for your loss and thank you for your kind words. I didn't share it in my post with Cathy, but when I was released from prison in 2006, I had moved to a new state because of an invitation by a…"
Jul 13, 2017
Cathy and Doug are now friends
Jul 13, 2017
Doug replied to Cathy 's discussion My brother's death cirrhosis
"Cathy, Please accept my deepest condolences on your brother's passing. When I first read the title of your post, "My brother's death cirrhosis", I can't begin to tell you how badly it affected me. Please let me explain, I,…"
Jul 13, 2017
Doug replied to Richard Rivera's discussion GETTING WEAKER NOT SURE HOW LONG
"Richard, I'm very sorry to hear about all that you're going through and I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. Have you gone to a doctor or the emergency room at your local hospital yet? I can completely understand when…"
Jul 5, 2017
Doug replied to Clem's discussion Heroin finally won in the group Losing Someone to Drug Overdose
"Clem, There are no words that could assuage the pain you're going through. If there were I would certainly offer them to you.Your son sounds like he was a terrific guy and had to deal with more than he should have with the addiction as well as…"
Jun 12, 2017
Doug joined Laura Rozier's group
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Losing Someone to Drug Overdose

If you've lost someone you loved due to them overdosing on drugs, let's talk about it here.See More
Jun 12, 2017
Doug replied to Richard Rivera's discussion Anyone also form the New Jersey area?
"Hello,I no longer live in New Jersey, but spent a great portion of my life growing up there in places like Marlton, Edison, Medford. Mostly in South Jersey though. I have often thought of the same thing you have as I have some health issues and as a…"
Jun 3, 2017
Doug replied to Richard Rivera's discussion LIVING ALONE WITH NO ONE TO SPEAK TO? HOW??
"I know, and can feel, your unbelievable pain first hand. As I'm typing this, the need to end my own suffering today is as strong as it's ever been. There are no words adequate enough to lessen the pain you're feeling now, none.…"
Jun 1, 2017
Maggi Crowston-Boaler replied to Doug's discussion Unbearable loneliness
"October 22nd, 2012, my elder son was told he had late-stage Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Massive tumour on his right lung. Inoperable. Long story short: he went through HELL and he died just a month later. No counselling has ever been offered. I've…"
Apr 29, 2017
morgan replied to Doug's discussion Unbearable loneliness
"Doug,  I just read your post and I am so sorry that you have such a heavy burden of what life was and is.  Since my husbands death I've been on a quest to answer so many questions that seem to lead me to dead ends.  I can wonder…"
Apr 12, 2017
Doug posted a discussion

Unbearable loneliness

I have been struggling with a Major Depressive Disorder for a very long time and have been to numerous psychiatrists searching for help all to no avail. Some time ago I found out that for a period of about twelve years I had Hep C and never knew that I had it, until I began feeling sick everyday. I went to a doctor and was told that in the time I didn't know I had it, the virus had ravaged my liver and that my only hope was a transplant. My insurance company agreed that as a last ditch effort…See More
Apr 12, 2017
Doug replied to Kaitlyn W's discussion When Grief Overcomes You
"Hello Kaitlyn, I am terrible sorry for your loss and I think I know the pain you're going through because my Mom was diagnosed with this unbelievably cruel disease and after a heartbreaking struggle she passed away in November, 2008. I will…"
Mar 27, 2017
Doug replied to Pamela philipp's discussion I am alone
"Pamela, I know exactly what you're saying as I have experienced the same thing. People grieve in different ways and some people take longer to get to the point where you can function normally. You're right, it's a lot easier just to…"
Oct 9, 2016

Profile Information

About Me:
I have a difficult time explaining things about myself and I'm not sure why. At times I feel incredibly immature and overly emotional. It seems as if all my emotions are abnormal. By that I mean that compared to other people, my emotions seem to be extreme.
About my Loss:
You may find this strange and maybe not even possible, but the loss hasn't happened yet, but it will in the near future. Yet I still feel extremely sad and depressed and I've been that way for a very long time. My Mom died a few years back from Alzheimer's and my Dad provided her care until the very end. Now my Dad is suffering from Alzheimer's also and the fear I have of losing him is very real and unbelievably painful. I've waited too long to tell him exactly how I feel and the things I've always wanted to tell him, but put off.

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Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Geraldine,  You chose a good way to express how the grief feels.....choking and an ache that is hard to explain.  I am trying to minimize the ever present anxiety because now I know that it lives with me 24/7 and there is no real time to…"
1 minute ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, it was nice to put a face to a name. I always have these pre conceived notions of what I think people will look like. With you, it's the name, I saw you as having blue hair and cat glasses. I was wrong on this one. "
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The blond women I was hugging afterwards was my sister. Bluebell"
3 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I was really scared to get up there, but I am glad I did. Not everyone here has this type of Celebration of Life. But my sister's husband was very involved in the well being of his neighborhood and also loved a good get together at his…"
3 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Linda. I want to be very clear -- I am in no way advocating suicide for anyone, I am just saying that if that is what I end up doing, I will not allow it to keep me from my husband."
5 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"On the topic of suicide, there are two reasons that I have not contemplated taking my own life. One of them is that I cannot allow myself to leave my loved ones to deal with the trauma and heartbreak if I were to commit suicide. In my opinion, it…"
5 hours ago
Trina Mamoon commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Dear Geraldine, Very sorry to hear that you are having another anxiety-filled day. Lately, I am having more of the depression attacks, with more frequency and more intensity. This living hell is just unbearable! When will this all end?  Sending…"
5 hours ago
monty thompson replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi All I have noticed lately that i am having dreams with re-occuring theams. my wife leaving (though some circumstance) and having greater responsibilities to look after others.. are other experiencing dreams with constant theam's ? that…"
5 hours ago
Geraldine Brown commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Another morning waking with anxiety that feels like it is choking me. Missing my husband with an ache inside that I cannot explain. If only cancer didn't exist or there was a cure, my beloved would still be here."
6 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"AMEN!!!!!!"
9 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You have a very valid point, I agree with your comment."
9 hours ago
Leian joined Amy's group
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You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
11 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I don't agree -- if there is an afterlife, I WILL be with my husband there, no matter how I die. I will tear the afterlife apart to be with him, if that is what I have to do. I don't believe in God, but if there is one, if it is a loving…"
13 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I agree with you, my Lutheran religion has taught if I take my own life I will not join My Husband in heaven. The only way I go on is that we are not widowed, still married only he is in Heaven and I am in Hell. "
14 hours ago
Trevy Thomas commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"My heart goes out to you all. Grief is the hardest pain in the world. A few things I saw in your comments made me want to share.  Vickie, grief is still new for you and the early part is impossibly hard. My husband died at 49…"
16 hours ago
Geraldine Brown commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Oh Vickie lemoigne ecklund my heart breaks for you. There are no words that can take away the pain. "
19 hours ago
Vickie lemoigne ecklund commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I lost my husband 7 moths ago and he was my soul mate my everything. I am so lost without out him. I don't know what to do. All I do is cry. How long will I just want to die cuz I'm without out him. His b day is today he would have been 53…"
20 hours ago
Vickie lemoigne ecklund joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
20 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, amazing words. It helped me a lot. Bluebell, saw your video and felt amazing. It is great that you have such celebration of life. It is not very common in India. "
20 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"That is so hard to do. My mom would tell me that she wanted me to be happy after she was gone. I would say, "Mom, how happy would you be if I were the one who was dying?" She couldn't answer that question. Who knows? Maybe if I had…"
yesterday

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