So so sorry for your loss and that you feel "stuck". It is good that you are reaching out to talk about how you feel. Every person grieves differently, in their own way and their own time. I lost my daughter for a time while…"
I was a mother and a grandmother. I have been a caregiver to my siblings since the age of 10. I have been married to the father of my daughters for 38 years. I helped raised my sisters then my own children and then I helped raised all 4 or my grandchildren. I had been unhappy in my marriage throughout the whole 38 years and had planned on leaving the marriage and my home when my daughter got diagnosed. So I stayed and I was her sole caregiver 24/7. My daughters death reminded me of how truly short life is. After her cremation and celebration of life I had to leave for my own peace of mind. Of course that goes with out saying that although my other daughter and her father were supportive of my decision to leave some family and friends felt the need to tell me I was a horrible excuse for a mother and grandmother as my daughter and my grandchildren are also grieving I was going out of my mind. I have always put everyone else's needs before my own and now of course I am also grieving the loss of my child. Right now I am just stuck. Still wanting to keep everyone happy which I know is impossible. Everyday I wish for this all to be a dream, however it is my nightmare. I joined this group because I needed a place to come together with mothers who know exactly what I am going through.
About my Loss:
My daughter was 32 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer which has already spread to her lungs. She began treatment in July of 2017 and there was nothing left for the doctors to do. She turned 33 at the end of July one day before being allowed to leave the hospital after a month stay. She died on January 15th, 2018.
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So so sorry for your loss and that you feel "stuck". It is good that you are reaching out to talk about how you feel. Every person grieves differently, in their own way and their own time. I lost my daughter for a time while her life style put her life in jeopardy leaving every family value we had ever taught her. I felt like I was going to sink into a black hole which was my broken heart and disappear forever. The expressions "heavy hearted", "pain of heart" and "broken hearted" took on a reality. I could feel the weight of my own heart in my chest. I had pain right where my heart is located in my body, and that my heart was literally shattered. I had no idea what I was doing or what I should be doing. I felt so lost I couldn't take care of anyone, not even myself.
My heart breaks for you..... I will listen anytime you need to talk.
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Welcome to Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Im sure you were giving your Mom the medicines that you thought were best at the time. Did you ask the doctor if that one dose would have made a difference? Sadly, it probably wouldn’t have.
I had no idea there were only a few…"
"Thanks bluebell. Yes I joined the group so that I can discuss by grief and get some good advices.
Virginia, same thing happened with me as well. My mother oncologist was also not telling me complete details amd just use to say that only few days…"
I am very sorry for your loss. I understand the sadness and guilt you are going through right now; all of us do. This is a good place to come and talk and share your feelings. You may not get an answer back right away sometimes, but there has…"
welcome, people on here are very supportive. I am going through the same guilt as far as what happened in the end. In the hospital, I didn’t talk to the doctors enough, I don’t know what I was doing. Now I…"
It sounds like you are in a very dark place. Before it gets too bad, I beg of you to reach out for help. Call 911 if you have to. Trust that you will feel better than you do now and you have to be alive to find that out.
" As always, Brett thank you for your caring posts. I think you could be a writer or counselor. Thanks everyone else for support also. I can’t offer any help because I dont know what to do. I was thinking tonight,…"
This is Avi and I am from India. I lost my mother on 15 may after her 7 months battle with last stage gall bladder cancer.
The grief that I possess now is that although I was closely monitoring her treatment since the first day, I was…"
"Theresa, I feel like a hypocrite when I try to think of something to say to you that would bring you peace. Because I know that I would feel the same way you do if that had happened to me. There was something. Before my mom came home on Hospice, she…"
"Brett Crystal and Bluebell are so right, I feel comfort and I smile when reading your posts.
I know I was trying to get to her, but I say maybe it was not meant for me to be there when her heart stopped, maybe she wanted that way, but…"
"Virginia, I know that you don't want to wait until your old to be with your mom. Neither do I. I told you earlier that after my mom died I considered ending my own life, but I could just see my mom if I had tried, screaming, "NO!!" We…"
"I wish I hadn't posted so quickly this morning. I had some type'o's. I meant to say that my mom held out her hand before she died. She was holding it upwards. It was an awesome thing to see, though at the time it didn't mean so…"
I read some of your posts, we have a lot in common. I read you were also close to your Grandma and lost her and then your Mom and aren’t close to your Dad. Same here. My Mom was an only child too so my Granny, Mom,…"
"Virginia, reading your posts was like going through all my feelings of guilt the first few weeks after my mom died. All the times I was horrible to her, the times I got frustrated when she wouldn't eat right or when I complained about…"
I love reading your posts even though they are for Virginia. They help me to0
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find some peaceful moments. It is okay to find some peace. It does not take away from how much you…"
"Virginia, mom's are very intuitive. I tired to hide it. It didn't work. Mom could see right through me. She would tell me that everything was going to be okay. I think my mom was more worried about leaving me than she was about dying. That…"
You are right, how can we go from our Moms being our whole lives to nothing? It’s not possible. It doesn’t even make sense. I see other families and I envy them and it makes me sad. I want my family…"
Your posts always make me cry, you write so well and it always hits me in the heart. So you also felt the constant despair inside, but you were able to control and hide it, unlike me. Therein lies my guilt. I was…"